Jon AcuffVerified account

@JonAcuff

New York Times Bestselling Author of FINISH. Visit to get a copy. Married to Jenny. Dad to L.E. & McRae.

Nashville, TN
acuff.me
Joined March 2008
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  1. 4 hours ago

    I assume they just put up a velvet rope, got a big guy in a tight black t-shirt and started to say things like, “Your dog can’t come to the park, he looks like a jerk. Like one of those dogs that pees when he’s excited, scared or awake.”

    A group of dog owners privatized a public NYC dog park without the city's knowledge and have made more than $80K off the fees. One of the rules of the park was "no socially inept dogs." Seriously.
    1 reply 1 retweet 4 likes
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  2. 4 hours ago

    Wait, what? Are you saying that tweeting about politics is the same as a cancer patient thinking about their diagnosis? Or maybe that it’s impossible not to think about politics on Twitter? I can’t tell if this is an insult or a compliment or maybe neither? I’m very confused.

    Replying to @JonAcuff
    That’s about as good advice as telling cancer patients not to focus on an unfavorable diagnosis.
    8 replies 17 likes
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  3. 6 hours ago

    That's a great way for a principal to encourage students during the stress of testing season!

    1:00
    My message to all students....standardized tests don't define you...
    1 reply 5 retweets 22 likes
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  4. 20 hours ago

    This is why I’m not vegan. Also, steak.

    I usually do not do this, but I feel like this is appropriate to post since this person is claiming to be a vegan even though she admitted to buying non-vegan ice cream for someone else, defended what she did when I spoke with her privately (hoping that would make her less likely
    Show this thread
    27 replies 4 retweets 130 likes
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  5. 20 hours ago

    Yes. LeBron being the only player on the Cavs to score 20 points in the first 7 games of the playoffs is to be commended.

    Replying to @JonAcuff
    Is that to be commended?
    2 replies 13 likes
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  6. 20 hours ago

    The Internet is amazing. We’re outraged that aliens in a fictional superhero movie aren’t wearing hair ties because that means the movie is sexist. What a time to be alive!

    Avengers: Infinity War will have like twelve zillion characters and not a single hair tie
    12 replies 9 retweets 89 likes
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  7. 21 hours ago

    This is a riddle, wrapped in an enigma, delivered by a sphinx.

    Who wanna bet on the Game today all ya so called ballers I got a Million cash on LeBron today. But u gotta put it on the wood to make it good because Money outta sight start a fight! 💰💪🏿
    1 retweet 14 likes
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  8. 21 hours ago

    You might not like him, but he is ABSOLUTELY carrying that team on his back.

    For the first time in his career, LeBron won a playoff series without any teammate scoring 20 points in any of the games.
    7 replies 65 likes
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  9. 21 hours ago

    Carrying an entire team is heavy.

    0:19
    . just wants to go home 😂
    2 replies 44 likes
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  10. 21 hours ago

    Remember, one of the healthiest things you can do with your life this week is avoid politics on Twitter. Give yourself that gift.

    26 replies 121 retweets 906 likes
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  11. 24 hours ago

    This is terrible math.

    If Her Nails Cost $45 Give Her $600 🤫🤷🏾‍♂️🤑
    Show this thread
    4 replies 15 retweets 77 likes
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  12. Apr 29

    I don’t get into many arguments online, but if you think for a second I’m going to sit silently why you pretend Jaden Smith would make a great Wade in a Kim Possible movie, you’re crazy. What is he going to gain like 80 pounds for the role?

    If you can’t get them in the live-action Kim Possible, we don’t want it. Kim Possible shouldn’t be for kids from this generation
    Show this thread
    8 replies 6 retweets 130 likes
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  13. Apr 29

    This is how 82% of my high five attempts go.

    0:05
    😂😂😂... did he actually think LeBron was going to high five him? And the save was impressive tho
    8 replies 45 retweets 324 likes
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  14. Apr 29

    When the usher at church tries to sit you in the front row

    9 replies 22 retweets 178 likes
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  15. Apr 29

    This dude is fantastic.

    James Shaw Jr., the hero of the April 22 Waffle House shooting, has raised over $183,000 for victims of the deadly attack.
    10 retweets 119 likes
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  16. Apr 29

    I met once at a restaurant. She said “Hi, my name is Katy.” I said, “Hi, I’m Jon.” That was the whole interaction. I like to think she turned it into a song.

    Your most boring, mundane, inconsequential celebrity encounter. Go!
    5 replies 51 likes
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  17. Apr 29

    Nothing nice follows the phrase, “I usually don’t do this.” It’s never “I usually don’t do this, but I want to give you a generous compliment.”

    10 replies 9 retweets 69 likes
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  18. Apr 29

    Forgetting to set the alarm the night before for the coffee is one of the biggest crimes you can commit in the Acuff family.

    8 replies 134 likes
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  19. Apr 28

    You should teach the Internet that.

    My new favorite thing is not having an opinion on things I don't know anything about. It's been really great.
    4 replies 16 retweets 240 likes
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  20. Apr 28

    The Pelicans, nature’s 27th most ferocious bird, is losing by 24 to the Warriors and Curry isn’t playing. Yowza.

    1 reply 1 retweet 24 likes
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