Opens today in New York and Los Angeles Directed by Randall Miller 103 minutes
Ever since George Bernard Shaw described dancing as "a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire," his words have been the subliminal tag line of every movie in which couples hoof their way to romantic bliss. "Marilyn Hotchkiss Ballroom Dancing and Charm School" struggles bravely to maintain that tradition, but it's tough to convey the erotic charge of a merengue when all your characters are drowning in misery.
Most miserable of all is Frank (Robert Carlyle), a baker locked in mourning for a wife whose ashes greet him every morning from the dresser. A chance encounter with a dying crash victim named Steve (an operatic John Goodman) sends Frank to the titular dance school to keep an appointment with Steve's childhood sweetheart. Instead he meets Meredith (Marisa Tomei), a tranquil beauty bravely Lindy-Hopping on her one good leg. Though Meredith's burdens also include an abusive dance partner and stepbrother (a hip-swiveling Donnie Wahlberg), Frank is undeterred. A new life awaits.
Elaborating on his own 1990 short film, the director, Randall Miller, toggles back and forth between Steve's past and Frank's present. Despite a gloriously baroque performance from Mr. Wahlberg -- attempting moves certified only for Antonio Banderas -- "Marilyn Hotchkiss Ballroom Dancing and Charm School" remains irredeemably soggy. The only horizontal desire emanating from most of these characters is the one that puts you six feet under.
JEANNETTE CATSOULIS
"Marilyn Hotchkiss Ballroom Dancing and Charm School" is rated PG-13 (Parents strongly cautioned) for mature situations and language.
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