Alan The Panda
Alan David Berlin AKA Alan T. Panda AKA The Sexual Harassment Panda is a 40 year old aide to Republican Sen. Jane Orie from Carlisle, PA. His hobbies include playing music at his church, fine dining, the arts, and shitting himself while dressed as a panda. Alan describes himself as "not a complicated person" in his personal ads, but this is a lie; juggling life in the less than tolerant world of Republican politics while leading a double life as a closeted homosexual babyfur scatophile is pretty complicated by anyone's standards.
Proving once again that furfaggotry knows no bounds, the sad case of Alan The Panda hit the Pittsburgh news like a brick against a fat woman's stomach. Apparently babyfur scum have not only invaded the Senate, they are after our children!
Wishing he was as cool as Pedobear, Alan The Panda took up a lovable bear fursona, sneaked into the governments for immunity from the law, looked for some hot shota ass, and got to ride in the Party Van all the way to jail. Party Hard you sick fuck!
Alan Rising[edit]
Alan started out like your typical senator's aide; he was overworked, tired, and lonely. But was he content to just fap to good old-fashioned big-dicked-guy-on-hot-chick porn like a normal guy? No, he wanted more. It had to be furry porn... Baby Furry porn. This is unremarkable as far as furries go; it is quite normal for them to keep their stash of unnatural and deviant porn hidden on their computer to fap to while wallowing in their own filth.
However, Alan wanted more. So, in his sad state, he put up a Pounced ad. "Looking for a Babyfur for a Long-Term Committed Relationship" Then he waited... and got nothing. Unsurprisingly, nobody in their right mind wanted to change the diapers of a short, fat, 40-year-old man, especially a gay one. Determined and still wanting more, Alan began to troll the internets, seeking fresh meat.
After awhile, he found something: a real baby furry- a child at age 15 who was interested in buttsex and diapers! He pounced as quickly as he could, befriending the boy, offering yiff in his back yard while his parents slept, fursuit sex, and more. He even was willing to have another sick fuck meet up with the boy and himself to tape the whole thing!
Words of a Panda[edit]
| —Alan T. Panda | ||
Panda is violent.
Enter Hansen[edit]
Thankfully, the kid's parents went snooping and found lots of nasty, dirty typesex and conversations between Alan and the child, and called the cops. They swooped in and investigated Alan's house and found, much to their horror, he wasn't joking.
There were two fursuits, a young wolf and an older cat, baby gear, adult diapers and all sorts of scary furry paraphernalia everywhere. The records were all over his computer and Alan was arrested.
NEWS FLASH: He plead guilty to three felonies (unlawful contact with a minor related to child pornography, unlawful contact with a minor related to obscene or sexual materials, and criminal use of a computer) on 26th October 2010 and was set to be sentenced in January 2011 after undergoing a sex offender evaluation. Alan was sentenced to 6-12 years as of May 30th, 2012. He began his prison tenure on June 8th and will be under probation for 8 years afterwards, should he not anger Bubba while incarcerated.
Gallery[edit]
Look closely and you'll see the baby gear, too
Totally not a child molester
From the Google cache of Alan's Pounced profile
Prophetic entry from Alan's LiveJournal - his comments are now naturally filled with trolls and a few furry white knights defending him
Indeed
The inevitable image macro.
Outside Links[edit]
See Also[edit]
- Babyfur
- Furry
- GOP - Which now stands for gay old pedophile
- Pedophilia
- Sick Fuck
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Alan The Panda is part of a series on Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage. |
