Retard

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Super Tard: It is a scientific fact that retards contain superhuman strength.

Not to be confused with: You.

	“	The only cure for retards and the burdens they plague on society is euthanasia.	„
	— Bill Clinton

	“	For this one it's the X, you retarded?/Cause I grab the mic and get Down like Syndrome!	„
	— Eminem, "Remember Me," 2000

	“	I don't get it. You can put a dog or a cat down when they're sick or wild. We execute violent, murdering criminals with the needle. In some countries and states, you can even offer euthanasia to terminally ill cancer patients. So why not put down all retarded people at birth?	„
	— YouTube comment

	“	Studies indicate that over 90% of pregnant European women who screened for Down's Syndrome underwent abortion. That's a good thing.	„
	— Forum post

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A retard is a term of endearment for the genetically inferior, stupid and ugly sub-human species put on this earth from God solely for the entertainment of normal people, due to their handicap of being incredibly funny. A retard is anyone with an IQ of 110 or lower, which points to the obvious conclusion that approximately 99.8% of Americans are, in truth, retards. Just barely below niggers, Jews and homosexuals on the human evolutionary scale, it is commonly believed that retards are created by fucktarded, mouth breather sperm.

Other than laughing at the way that they look and act, tards are biologically cursed, wastes of space, time and the taxpayer's money. Failed abortions, many bleeding heart liberals feel the need to "adopt" these parasites to keep them as beloved pets to entertain them for 20-30 years and dump them into housing institutions for states to fund them.

A proven, common cause of retardation is your mother getting stuck in the stink, forgetting to wipe the tard-infested shit off your father's dick, then getting stuck in the pink thus conceiving your retarded ass (for great justice). Check science. There are some new developments that indicate that some forms of autism may be linked to early television viewing.

A common tell-tale sign of being a retard is trying to use the plugs from Hot Topic to pleasure yourself, shitting your underwear, being a faggot, masturbating over fictional pink and sparkling ponies, or all of the theories listed.

Alternative theories suggest that retardation is also caused by punching pregnant women in the stomach, or by a man using a condom, as some Durex factories carry headlice, stringrays and AIDS. Though, if you consider yourself one of those Bible-fucking, religious Christ fags, you could argue that a retard is the way they are thanks to a trolling God sticking His mighty, all powerful middle finger up the cunt of the pregnant woman and cursing the womb.

Special[edit]

Since you are special, watch this. When you are done, click on the X at the upper right side of the window and then go take a nap.

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Retards can be distracted with the use of Animu. Depending on which you choose, it could backfire and cause them to go Crazy. If you want to be safe, stick with Pokémon.

Note that many Japanese fit the profile of Asperger's Syndrome, and Japanese people, like Aspies love this JAP-pop-disco-techno-shit.

Detection[edit]

How retards communicate to others of their kind.

Here we find Claire in a state of self exploration.

Discerning a retard is very easy - simply find someone who is saying retarded shit, and then you respond with "O rly?". The typical retard's response will be huh?, "yes orly", or "what's orly?" retarded cunts will confuse O rly? for Orally and will either be offended or proceed with the perceived command, a win/win.

Another method of retard detection, as is employed by General Bethlehem, can be used for a more accurate confirmation of retards in a close quarters encounter with an actual retard.

1) Get a good visual confirmation of the mongoloid, from a reasonable distance.

2) Approach the mongoloid slowly, preferably from the side. Do not take your eyes off the mongoloid.

3) With your index finger, press on the soft skin tissue that is located just under the eye of the mongoloid.

"People" with Down syndrome also have a certain appearance. Here are some people with Down syndrome - note the way they hold their mouths open with their tongue slopping over their lower lips, and their ears, which God made when he was high on weed. In addition, they usually only know Simple English.

~~Retards also cannot let a random die.aka typical devianTART users.~~ This is not English. It was probably written by a retard.

Spotting a retard at a dance party can be pretty easy. [1]

You can also spot retards on ED if they don't sign their own posts.

In civilized times, retards were kept hidden in sheds and other institutions.

The Place of the Retard[edit]

E-tards are the second strongest vegetable, just behind the potato. (Most recent google fight - Saturday, August 07, 2010) The strongest vegetable on the Internets remains the potato, prolly something to do with Dan Quayle and spell check.

Proof:

It is important that the mainstream community do their part in involving those who are not as capable or gifted as we are. We must teach our children the healthiest way to interact with their handicapped peers as much as possible:

We're on our own, cousin...

Not All Retards Are Tards[edit]

The general, common belief amongst society is that all retards are tards; this is simply untrue. Retard can indicate a variety of handicapped individuals. For instance, people with certain birth defects that make them physically inferior can still make them retards.

Retarded women with Spinal Bifeda may have normal IQs and may be able to sort some files and type shit on a computer, they still aren't able to participate in many sexual positions. But they probably could give great head.

Retards in Hollywood[edit]

This tasty wee hoor was in the 1932 Hollywood smash hit 'Freaks'.

The majority of the people who work in and inhabit Hollywood are, in fact, retards. This is displayed in numerous autobiographical features about prominent Hollytards:

Hollytards in Motion

“	The Other Sister - Carla & Daniel - Juliette Lewis and Giovanni Ribisi	„

“	Leonardo DiCaprio	„

“	Sean Penn	„

“	Tom Hanks plays his alter-ego Forrest Gump	„

“	One of ABC's latest hit shitcoms centres around Courtney Cox' life as she gives birth to and raises a retarded son.	„

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Retards in the Music Industry[edit]

WTF?

Kids of Widney High - Pretty Girls

I Snort (prelude to Mongoloid) NEXT VIDEO

Mongoloid - by Devo

InsectSong

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As with Mariah Carey, Jim Carey, Carrot Top, Jerry Lewis, and Ringo Starr it is often the case that a talentless person is allowed in to the music industry based entirely on the fact that they are an adorable retard. Also, this is the reason why the entire cast of an old 70's musical Television sitcom known as "Hee Haw" and poor black children alike almost always stand in the front row of a church choir while singing songs about delicious fried chickens and Chitlings.

Quotes from the Moralfags[edit]

	“	You are obviously disgusting people that God failed at giving a heart. How dare you say such horrid things about mentally handicapped people! They have brains, hearts and feelings, just like you and I do. Nobody is born perfect, not even you. You all should be ashamed of yourselves for saying such hurtful things. I swear to Christ, if I met any one of you HEARTLESS JACKASSES on the street, I wouldn't hesitate in beating the ever loving shit outta you!	„
	— Some random faggot

	“	People who make fun of the mentally or physically impaired and claim that they are worthless should look in the mirror and take a look into their own soul. My daughter has Autism and she also has cerebral palsy. She is the sweetest, happiest little girl anyone could meet. She's the coolest and most talented kid one could ever have. Honestly I wouldn't change her for the world. She is my child and I love her very dearly. She means everything to me and I wouldn't have her any other way. Some people are just so ignorant.	„
	— Urban Dictionary comment

	“	I am the proud Father of three children, one of whom has Downs Syndrome.This is a genetic defect in which the child has an extra chromosome. My son is labled by society as being retarded. This is measured by standard I.Q. tests that have been developed for many purposes but for too long now have been used to simply lable people. If you met my son I would hope that you would get to see the person that I see. I don't see the physical characterisitics that might cause you to be uneasy around him or to avoid him but I see the perfection of what was intended for people to be. My son will greet you with a smile that can light up the world. If he has met you once he will remember your name and be geniunely glad to see you. He knows your moods before you do and wants to see you happy. My son will easily tell you he loves you if that is how he really fells and he greets people with the best hugs you'll ever get from anyone. My sons emotional intelligence is off the charts. He loves people and when some are rude to him he forgives and moves on. To meet him once is to never forget him and to meet him twice is to always be in love with him. He is excited by life and to many times life tries to beat him down, take his spirit, and turn him into societys label of what he should be. My Son is better then what society wants for him and he fights it back like no one else I have ever seen. So my defintion of Retarded is not one of something negative but of something to be celebrated. My defintion of Retarded is 'Love in it's purest form.'	„
	— Another Urban Dictionary comment, someone who ironically misspelled and used incorrect grammar while talking about retards

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Variations[edit]

Typical Hotard.

And rightly so!

Because retard is probably the default insult on the Internets, it has spawned a variety of more specialized variants:

Libtard: used by "compassionate conservatives" to describe their opposition. In this instance, "compassionate" means "still uses words like 'retarded' and 'colored' in public."
Conservatard: used by Libtards as a lame response to the above, which of course is lame to begin with.
Fucktard: a more intense version of retard, with an over-all connotation of "a waste of skin".
Special education student: the same thing as a retard, but this one gets a fancier word.
Hotard: a retarded slut. Usually a blonde woman. Reserved for women nice guys can't get.
loltard: a person who uses the acronym "lol" every 5 words and at the end of every sentence, even though there is nothing funny going on.
Internetard: The most common type of retard there is. The average internetards' day consists of posting on 4chan and twitter, blanking ED articles that they feel butthurt about, making shitty videos on KikeTube and last but not least, playing shitty Lego rip-off building games.
Mustard: a severe case of retardation, who makes as much sense as its epithet.
/b/tard: someone who frequents 4chan's /b/ board. Unlike most -tards, they wear this moniker as a badge of pride.
G-tard: a white male who pretends he's poor and from "da hood" even though he's rich and from the suburbs.
Handicapped: aka "special" aka "mentally crippled" aka "conveniently parked" aka "mental amputee" aka physically retarded.
Dee Dee Dee: A lame ass phrase coined by a fake ass Mexican.
Chromosomally Unfortunate: a fancy science-type term for "MAH BAYBEE IS NAHT WEETAHDED".
Window Licker: Have been known to trip while sitting down.
Loid: This one comes with the approval of special folks and their handlers. No, really. Please use it as often as possible, just to make them happy. Remember, every time you employ loid as a term of abuse, a retarded pixie is born.
Fattard: A retarded fatfuck
Special olympics: Olympics for retards.
And the biggest retards of all, people who don't sign their posts on wikis.
Cian Mcgee
Caketard
Bitchtard
Twitard
You

Common, but underutilized ways to refer to retards on ED include:

Mongoloid, or simply "'Loid"
Shit For Brains
Re-Re
Flapper (in reference to the way retards flap their hands around when running)
Special Ed
Robert Downey Syndrome
Potato Jr.
Syndrome of a Down
Mental insufficiency
Downsie
Intellectual insufficiency
Tard
Retart (a retarded DevianTARTlet)
Down's Syndrome
Special
Dipshit
Sloth
Hard of Thinking
Mouth Breather
Helmet Hero
Eyebrow
Accident
Tardis
Brainwreck
Horndogs

After all of this, you may find yourself wondering "Which one is the worst?" However, there is one more type of tard that has been hidden from us by the higher ups, The Internet Cool Guy. This being infiltrates even the most holy of websites with its vile and false "harcoreness". Avoid at all costs.

Consider these alternatives to retard when trying to create an article that does not fail.

"Going Full Retard"[edit]

“Going Full Retard” is a phrase stolen from a Kike movie. The original scripted line was

“Everybody knows you never do a full retard.”

Which was unexpectedly wise advice from a nigger.

The Retard as a Half-Ape[edit]

1. Persons of under 40 IQ exhibit behavior not distinctly different from apes. That is, intellectually speaking, apes can do everything they can do.

2. The cutoff for retardation is an IQ of 70.

3. The average IQ is 100 for normal people, who are a type of retard. The only non-retarded people are people with dyslexia with an average IQ of 130, making normal people retarded!

4. LOL, RETARDS ARE HALF-APES.

5. No wonder the Nazis put all of them to sleep. T-4!

Videos[edit]

This down syndrome kid really knows the power of domestic bullying.

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Gallery[edit]

About missing Pics

If you want to see the whole set of photographs, you have to send $200 to Dane Cook
Some vaginas are pussies and some vaginas are minges.
Emo retard can't reach his wrists with knife LOL.
Retards' laughter is one of the most horrifying things a human being could ever witness

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

A pair of old-fashioned retards.
Shhhhh!
I am going to hell for posting my brother and mom.
Sometimes, depending on behavior,they are even allowed to spawn offspring.
This retard is allowed to leave its cage on holidays.
BITCHES DONT KNOW ABOUT MY DUMBASS.
Retards can be a valuable source of entertainment, although significant investment of time and money may be required.
Retards can be found on Facebook
Newly-spawned Schizophrenic retards can be quite lulzy when they talk on the internet.
This retard stole a wheelchair
hurrrr i liek possicles
Typical retard. (He means the Torah-thumping, falafel humping IDF rump ranger.)
Blame MTV.
When a retard tries to be straight up, yo. Nothing says pimp like Thomas the Tank Engine, while hanging out with his fellow wiggers.
Dorian Thorn is a retard who thinks he "pwns".
A stylized retard is now the official Pepsi mascot
ha ha Special Olympics.
Some retards are also ninjas.
A tart's favorite band.
A happy tard.
An angry tard.
The ED yearbook photo. Smile you tard.
Sometimes retards will cannibalize one another to survive.
Typical Pose Of A Retard.
This is a typical OL retard being corrected by a normal person.
Example of a crazy Christian retard.
Some retards love the taste of tofu!!
Retards who live on Tibia.
All retards aren't just stupid, but ugly.
Retards are often seen bashing their heads on giant buttons.
Iori Yagami is there to point out the Obvious.
Typical retard.
Hamtaro is a retard
Here is how a Down syndrome person looks when young.
Here is how a Down syndrome person looks when old.
For its contagious
Down syndrome people also do disgusting sex poses.
The special helmet protects the head during those nasty fits. And the shades lets the caretakers roll their eyes undetected. Everyone is a winner!
"Hellllmmmtttt!" Note that the word 'spack' is misspelled.
It's a little-known fact that retards knows fearsome Kung Fu hand-forms.
buy one, you're not alone you retard fuck
Retardology 101...
...just got interesting!
How a retard draws a bully with MS paint
Education for retards; commonly known as Special Education.
Retarded
I is swearingz
The face a retard will wear when trying to seduce another of its kind.
Retards always have this face
This one is the result of a near fatal hit by the ugly truck.
Go on! Spell it out.
Autism is a severe and well-known form of retardation.
Hallo my neam is Handicapped Harold cud yoo be my frien puleese?
Female retard. The suitable cure is rape.
Failed abortion here.
How a retard draws Scooby-Doo.
Never let a horny retard on DeviantART, or better yet, the internets.
The easiest way to diagnose retardation is to determine if the subject habitually posts painfully old and unfunny jokes like the "Cup of STFU" or, well, this one.
It is rumored that some people actually TRY to be retarded.
A Quantum Shitting Teleportation Device
A portable Hugbox.
Amanda Hall a retard in Michigan who shit talks on facebook, and calls people bums, but, dosent have a job, still lives in her parents basement.
Coming Soon, Retards on Ice!
Blond hair extinction myth debunked
Retarded witness is retarded
Eugenics in action

Self-testing for retards[edit]

References[edit]

[Case ClosedOpen Up to Us]

Retard is part of a series on Psychology

	Mental illness & Disorders	Acrotomophilia • Addiction • Agoraphobia • Alcoholism • Alexis Pilkington Syndrome • Alzheimer's • Anorexia • Antisocial personality disorder • Anthropophobia • Anxiety • ADD • ADHD • Asperger's Syndrome • Autism • Bimbofication • Bipolar • Borderline personality disorder • Bug Chasing • Bulimia • Deep thinker • Depression • Dick Impalement • Down's Syndrome • Dyslexia • Eating disorder • Factitious disorder • Fake Schizophrenia • Fauxlimia • Feminism • Gender dysphoria • Girl on the Internet Syndrome • Heterophobia • Hero Complex • HFA • Histrionic Personality Disorder • Hutchence's Syndrome • Hyperbolimia • Inadequacy • Inconsistent personality disorder • Insanity • Liberal Butthurt Syndrome • Low Self-esteem • 'Missing White Woman' Syndrome • Multiple personality disorder • Napoleon Complex • Narcissistic personality disorder • Neurotypical • Obsessive Compulsive Disorder • Paranoia • Paranoid personality disorder • Peter Pan Syndrome • Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder • Psychopathy • Retardation • Schizophrenia • Seasonal Affective Disorder • Self-diagnosis • Self Injury • Self-Victimization • Sexsomnia • Sickfuckery • Sociopathy • Social anxiety disorder • Special Snowflake Syndrome • Trolling Induced Transsexuality Syndrome • Tulpa • Unrealistic expectations • Victim complex
	Fetishes:	Acrotomophilia • Aquaphilia • Arborphilia • Audiophilia • Autogynephilia • Balloon Fetish • Bestiality • Carmen Electra complex • Cross Dressing • Dollfilia • Emetophilia • Emosexuality • Eproctophilia • Fatty Fetish (Female Fat Admirer) • Fetishism • Foot Fetish • Furniture Porn • Furrism • Goo girl • Guro • Heterophilia • Homophilia • Infantilism • Inflation Fetish • Japanophilia • Jungle Fever • Lesbian pedophilia • Lotion Play • Macrophilia • Mechanophilia • Mpreg • Necrophilia • Objectophilia • Oedipial Complex • Paraphilia • Pedophilia • Plushophilia • Pregnophilia (Maiesiophilia • Pregnant Loli) • Quicksand Fetish • Rangerphilia • Spectrophilia • Statuephilia • Trichophilia • Voraphilia • Wet and Messy Fetishism • Wetlook • Xenophilia • Yellow fever • Zoophilia
	E-Psychosis:	Chronic Troll Syndrome • Deletionism • E-go • E-Psychiatrist • E-Psychiatry • ETD • Hivemind • I-Dosing • I have a 140 IQ • IRC Disease • Imaginary girlfriend • Internet Disease & Internet Disease Chart • Internet poverty delusions • Internet Rehab • Internet troll personality disorder • Mega ultra super genius • Nerdy Fandom Gateway Theory • Sex by association • Lulz-Blindness • Wikipedia's Greatest Hits Diseases
	Experiments:	ask.fm • Brainwashing • Hypnosis • Milgram Experiment • Scientology • Stanford Prison Experiment • The Hivemind Corollary
	Sites:	Above Top Secret • /b/ • Bodies Under Siege • CYOC • Chatroulette • Defense Industries Organization • Deeker • FoolQuest.com • InkBunny • Neuticles.com • Psyke.org • WarpMyMind.com
	See also:	American Psychiatric Association • Anger • ASMR • Child abuse • Conscience • Dream • DSM • Enlightenment • Intelligence • Lobotomy • Psychiatristy • Serial Killers • Take the meat bridge • The Law of Conformity • Trigger Warning