Kai the Hitchhiker

Kai the true Messiah

Initial fame

derp-face

Kai, also known as "Kai the Hatchet-wielding Hitchhiker", was out of Dogtown, skateboarding and surfing, when the kind fellow who was driving him around started telling him about how he raped a 14 year old girl when he was on a business trip. Then, to further entertain his jolly passenger, he stated:

	“	You know what, I've come to realise that, I am Jesus, and I can do anything I fucking want to, watch this!	„
	—The driver, right before aiming his car at a PG&E worker

Unfortunately for the driver, Kai didn't find rape or attempted vehicular homicide very funny so he proceeded to beat the living shit out of him with a hatchet he happened to be carrying in his backpack.

Origins

Though it is unclear of his exact birth place and his age, which nobody can call, the Kai can be found in several regions of North America, with concentrated populations straight out of Dogtown. Beware when near any body of water, since the Kai likes surfin' it up in his free time. He is inhabited by a deep religious faith and belief, often referring to himself as the anti-Christ. Kai suffers from an unpredictable speech disorder caused by tourettes, sometimes making him unable to properly pronounce words starting with an ­``s``.

Rape

Posted by Kai on his Failbook timeline a day after Joseph Galfy, Jr was found dead

“	what would you do if you woke up with a groggy head, metallic taste in your mouth, in a strangers house... walked to the mirror and seen come dripping from the side of your face from your mouth, and started wretching, realizing that someone had drugged, raped, and blown their fuckin load in you? what would you do?	„
—Kai the Hitchhiker, explaining a possible motive

Despite his previous heroism, Kai has been criminally charged with murder in another case after allegedly killing a man named "Joseph Galfy, Jr" who had supposedly raped Kai. Needless to say it's bullshit. If found guilty, he should have no problem escaping jail, due to his high lock-picking skill. EDiots theorize Kai was selling blowjobs for crack money, and Kai killed the man after a night of drug fueled, moderately priced passion. Kai reportedly tried to commit suicide in his jail cell, which was an inconvenient blunder, not remembering that his anti-Christ powers make him invincible. Kai doesn't enjoy the irony of fate. Not one bit.

External Links

• Arrested on murder charge

See also

• Dogtown
• Murder
• Skateboarding

Kai the Hitchhiker is part of a series on Trolls Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.