Kevin Smith
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This person is a professional E-Whore and will milk you for everything you are worth. If you have more money than brains, go ahead, give them $500 for that one of a kind, poorly drawn Dōjinshi of Sailor Moon fucking her cat. |
Kevin Smith, or Blunty3000 (aka Deviloftas and real name Nate Burr) is a short fat bearded, chainsmoking screenwriter, actor, and director from New Jersey who has jumped the shark and now really wishes he were Joss Whedon, which is a sad statement of how bad his career has become in and of itself. Kevin's physical appearance very much resembles that of a Portuguese garden gnome. He is also a comic book author, but no one really gives a shit.
He began his career with edgy, indie works like Clerks, Mallrats, and Chasing Amy, which were hailed as revolutionary and genius because they featured such universally appealing topics as marijuana, blasphemy, lesbians, and fucking dead people in convenience store restrooms, thus elevating Smith to demigod status among fangirls, scene kids, and stoners alike. This is the reason why you will find "Kevin Smith" listed as an interest in the LiveJournal of nearly everyone.
As per tradition, as soon as Smith gained critical acclaim and worldwide populatirty, he immediately sold out and lost all his talent. His more recent films are all indistinguishable slurg that feature Jennifer Lopez getting married then dying, and/or Ben Affleck performing auto-fellatio for 120 minutes. Old-school fans have been known to frantically begin sawing away at their wrists with their own teeth at the mere mention of Jersey Girl.
Fans continue to hold out hope for Smith's triumphant return from mediocrity and are advised to seek medication. As of late, people seem to think he's made a comeback by making a sequel to his only "good" movie (Mr. Smith Quits the Film Industry, 1999), titled Mr. Smith Gets a Lobotomy. But they're all perverted sickos.
Smith is often seen with Jason Mewes as Jay and Silent Bob. The pair were the most popular characters from the original Clerks movie and, as a result of this and never one to pass up a chance to hammer a joke home, Smith has included them in every single fucking movie since.
Smith is also incapable of making a decision - he claims to hate the Tim Burton Batman films and claims that Michael Keaton was a poor choice, yet ass-kisses both of them on the DVD bonuses. He insults Burton for minuscule "changes" to the source even though he was willing to bend over for the producer of a failed Superman movie and write a Superman that didn't fly and had Doomsday riding a mechanical spider. More recently, despite all his fanboyism and hate against corporate Superhero movies that ignore source material, he surprisingly raved his best friend, Ben Affleck's Batman Versus Superman despite its glaring middle finger to the comic industry and Frank Miller's Dark Knight Returns that it so badly wants to be. Smith no doubt hits up Mewes' own drug stash periodically.
Recently, Southwest Airlines kicked Smith off of one of their airplanes, allegedly because he is such a big fat fuck that he couldn't fit into one of their ridiculously small and crowded seats. Smith retaliated by trying to stir up a shitstorm on Twitter that only succeeded in him being made the biggest, walking fat joke since John Candy.
Contents
Trolling His Horse Faced Daughter Harley Quinn Smith[edit]
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Like most almost has-been Hollywood types with dangerous mental disorders that they're convinced they don't need to be medicated for, one of Kevin Smith's favorite early morning rituals is to sit on a toilet for over two hours and as he tries to moves his bowels after Jason Mewes packed his poop the night before, he likes to sit there and search the internet for people that might be plotting against him or are trolling his ugly, horse faced, evil spawn from his loins daughter Harley Quinn Smith.
Having every cuckold type, 14 year old virgin omega male at his disposal, acting like a $cientologist at Tom Cruise's house getting paid to tell him how tall he is, they follow Kevin Smith all over the internets on his self-proclaimed war against the Cyberbulling of his hatchetfaced daughter to tell his victims how owned they are when Kevin lays down the law for daring to have an opinion differing from his and making the absolute truthful statement that his troll faced daughter looks like Donkey from Shrek.
His defense of her has nothing to do with him protecting his foul faced progeny or taking a stance against bullying. His whole goal is to protect his Halloween mask for a face of a daughter as a brand since he has very few chances left to be in movies because very few kids, or adults for that matter, want to see some aging fat guy in a movie trying to look cool by standing around in a trench coat, smoking dope, repeating tired old internet memes and trying to stay relevant with movie references from 1976. Kevin's last chance is his rabbit turd for a face daughter. His repeating of decades old Star Wars references might have people running out of the theaters but if he can establish his aestheticly challanged child, he probably could get another 20 years out of his shit based jokes, gay clowns, homophobia and all around even too low brow for Adam Sandler style humour.
Additionaly, as a fat piece of autistic, man-child, comic book geek piece of shit that thinks that a silhouette of a guy fucking a donkey is high humor, he gets too easily offended on twitter and reports people like crazy that attempt to insult his wrecked asshole for a face daughter and then tries to play it off by exclaiming that some things just aren't funny. If Kevin Smith actually understood what was good funny and what wasn't, we wouldn't have movies like Clerks 2 stinking up the comedy section of Netflix.
Like A Cuckold, Male Feminist: Kevin Smith Gets in Line To Declare War On Harvey Weinstein[edit]
Quick to show off his drunken, New England Jew hating herritage of being a religious intolerant, German/Irish Catholic shower cumshot blend of all around East Coast hate, Kevin Smith sensing oppurtunity quickly followed popular opinion and jumped on the Harvey Weinstein ✡ is a rich, evil, rapey, all Jews are evil corporate monsters bandwagon.
Like a Dutchman ready and willing to sell out a Jewish neighbor to his Nazi masters during World War II, Kevin easily traded his loyalty, relationship and past assistance from Weinstein producing the few movies he is actually known for like Clerks and Mall Rats when he told the internet on soundcloud:
| —Kevin Smith | ||
Kevin Smith said, bravely throwing away a carreer he no longer has and donating all future residuals of his, now, non-relevant, unwatched films produced by Harvey Weinstein to the nonprofit group, Women In Film.
Ever the philanthropist and humanitarian, Kevin Smith's generosity and distaste for Harvey Weinstein only extends to giving away the few shekels he might make on his forgotten, sophomoric movies and not to what he has already made, money that his Hollywood Liberal Sensabilities admit was being wrongly made while young woman were being raped, abused and molested.
Following the lead of Hollywood's elite, Kevin's objective was to make a commitment in ilusion only to convince drool cup Hollywood reporters of his feminist integrity, despite every woman in his movies being a cock loving whore, and wrestle away a free 15 seconds of press, from something more compelling like the earthquake in Puerto Rico, to promote his ugly ass daughter's career, his even more unwatchable AMC show Comic Book Men and should not be taken as anything serious, because like most of Hollywood, he could give a fuck less about any issue unless it has intense press coverage and will gain him notice. If he cared, like he claims, where was he when Corey Feldman was saying the same about Hollywood producers but with young boys?
Drama Whoring[edit]
Smith Accuses Tim Burton Of Ripping Off His Creativity[edit]
Being the last person on Earth that should ever be taken serious when it comes to accusing others of plagerism and being best known as a hack of a writer when he can't make a decent movie that doesn't lift scenes directly from Star Wars, other movies or make a joke that is capable of standing on its own without someone having to have seen Star Wars or some ancient Television show in Seth MacFarland/Robot Chicken Fashion. Way back in 2001 when that steaming pile of Shit Kevin Smith creatively titled, Gay And Silent Head Bobs Strike Back was released for public execration, badly needing to drum up of some press for what would be the film that convinces everyone he is a retard, Kevin Smith tried to accuse the much more talented and his all around better Tim Burton of ripping off an idea that was done in his Gay And Silent Head Bobs comic 3 years earlier. By simply beating Burton to the punch, Smith actually believes that he owns all rights to the Kindergarten answer to a Knock-Knock joke of Ape-raham Lincoln because he showed a Planet Of The Apes like Scenario where apes knock of Lincoln's head at the Lincoln Memorial and replace it with Dr. Zaius'. Convinced Burton should pay him for his Ape dictator ending in his Planet Of The Apes remake, Smith has even threatened suing Burton for what Smith would Probably describe as Burton ripping off his ripping off of a joke that is older than Christians and Lions Starter jackets.
| —Kevin Smith | ||
Tim Burton laughed back in Fatty's face and reminded him that he wouldn't even read that "For Shit" script Smith wrote for Superman Lives, or anything else from him, ordering a brand new script and Smith's firing when he had an assistant summerize the script and he heard, "Flightless Superman and Doomsday on a Giant Spider" because Burton already understood that it would be hard enough to sell a balding, greasy Nick Cage as Superman to the public. The last thing Burton needed was a script that included Smith's trademark inclusion of his fat ass as a character and plot that could be best described as an Autistic Mary Sue, Internet comic mash-up attempt at creativity. Much like everything that Smith does, Smith's superman scrpt wasn't written for the character or the audience but as a vehicle to only advertise himself.
| —Tim Burton | ||
Smith and Criticism[edit]
Clerks II offers yet more of Smith's original, witty humor, such as fast food clerks putting flies on the food of a customer they don't like! According to this report, it's only scratching the surface of Smith's wit [1]. Critic Joel Siegel walked out of the movie halfway through because it was a propagandistic scientology shit fest, and in response Kevin Smith confronted him about it on a radio show. Fans circle jerked each other over this confrontation because they believe Smith pwned ancient Joel Siegel. In reality, all he did was cry and whine. Siegel didn't realize he was actually talking to Smith because, with his low opinion of him, he never assumed that Smith would go so far as to moan at people who didn't like his shitty movie.
Smith's fan base is such a total and complete cross sections of America's idiot-savant comic book collectors, undisciplined perverts, misfits, basement dwellers, geeks, nerds, junkies, pariahs, zoophiles, along with the whole gamut of wankers, butt hole sniffers, losers, and unidentifiable undefinable jokers and weirdos that the pudgy little bearded fat fucker, with his backward ballcap, is in extreme danger of never knowing when to stop pushing the raunchy envelope even further.
Case in points illustrating the backward evolution in the Clerks Trilogy:
With Clerks 1: There is an account of an old man dying while shitting and a woman claiming to have fucked his corpse by accident.
With Clerks 2: There is a scene alluding to a grown man buttfucking a donkey and showing it through silhouette.
What next in Clerks 3:? God only knows. There are negotiations being discussed with the hard core gay porn industry. There is money to be made and the eager fans are ready:
Most likely Clerks 3 will include a long awaited love scene between not only the 2 main characters of Clerks 1 & 2 but definitely a foursome that includes Smith and Jason Mewson and anyone else that wants to join into the orgy with a full on "ass to mouth" (a quote from Clerks 2) as the only requirement.
Yet Blunty3000 has always been a whiny fucking emo bitch about criticism of his films, even on the internets, which is serious fucking business. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back for instance was an autobiographical movie of a time when Kevin Smith and his drug-laden boyfriend Jason Mewes went around America hunting down kids who called Clerks I crap on Rotten Tomatoes. Instead of satirizing his critics, Smith only ends up painting himself as even more of a loser.
Even though Kevin comes across as a huge homophobe, IRL his brother is actually gay. Logically, they most likely share the "gay" gene, which may support why Smith continues to act and create super shitty movies. He has also stated an interest in pegging. Draw your own conclusions.
Blunty3000 makes two videos pretending to troll himself[edit]
Blunty3000's going down - From Deviloftas - 15 February 2007
A weapon against Blunty. - From Deviloftas - 15 February 2007
A YouTube member corrected the audio pitch on the "Blunty3000's going down" video and proved that it was just Blunty3000, talking about himself, as usual.
| Blunty3000 Trollz Himself (Attention Whore) - From Zenophile808 - 16 February 2007 (reupped) |
Newworld101's response video to Deviloftas/Blunty3000.
deviloftas 48hrs - From Newworld101 - 16 February 2007
Gallery[edit]
Duuuuuudddddddeeeee! He's So cool. Look, he's doing the big eye thing to let us know he's stoned.
Not too fat to fly?
Kevin Smith has said that Yoga Hosers is in no way a Chick version of Clerks
Notice how he lost a lot of weight yet still bitches about being "Too fat to fly". Even his dog is fat. I gues he likes putting Dachshunds down for slipped discs.
This one sticker is better than Viagra according to Smith's wife
Videos[edit]
See Also[edit]
- Batman
- Bestiality
- Brony He's One
- Comic
- Comic book fans
- ComicGate
- Fantard
- Fat Ass How most people refer to him
- Furfag
- Gay
- Geek
- Harvey Weinstein
- Nerd
- Red Letter Media - Not big fans
- Scientology
- Star Wars
- Stupid
- Suicide Squad
- Superman
- Teen Titans
- Ugly What the internet has nick-named his daughter
Other Resources[edit]
- Blunty3000's sad YouTube "playing with lego" channel
- Blunty3000's "Deviloftas" self-troll channel
- Blunty3000/Kevin Smith Productions website
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