Michael Bay ✡ is a director best known for making movies where everything blows up, covering everyone within a hemisphere of himself or his productions with an impenetrable blanket of shame. Nothing else happens. Much like Uwe Boll, Bay considers himself one of the greatest filmmakers ever.
More like Michael
GAY, amirite?
What he lacks in common sense, Michael Bay makes up for in explosions. In fact, every one of his films feature over 9000 explosions. Among the things that explode in his films are vehicles, especially vans, buildings, furries, goatse and Tubgirl. He starts one scene with an explosion, then he follows that with another explosion. There is some talking after these scenes and some more explosions. Then he has a bunch of explosions along with more explosions followed by another explosion, which takes place before a larger explosion followed by a few more explosions and ends with the biggest explosion of the entire film. Everybody got that? No, you don't. Because then Michael Bay inserts another explosion before you understand the plot.
- Bad Boys 1 & 2: Stars the Fresh Prince and some other darkie who would later wear a fat suit cause no other black person has ever done that before and it's funny.
- Armageddon: Earth is getting pwned by a giant meteor so America sends oil refinery workers into space to blow it up with a bunch of nukes. Also, Ben Affleck cunt punches Liv Tyler while eating animal crackers.
- Pearl Harbor: Ben Affleck again. This time, he fucks Josh Hartnett and saves Pearl Harbor from a giant bukkake.
- The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: A remake about some retarded psycho who gives surprise buttsecks to unsuspecting teens with a chainsaw and proceeds to wear their skin because he's confused.
- The Island: Some movie about clones and more explosions. Michael Bay bawwwed because nobody gave a shit about it. Needed some cloned, exploding Mudkips.
- Transformers: A shitty two-hour commercial for General Motors and a bunch of fucking toys that stars two groups of robots, the Autobots and Decepticons. Autobots defeat them and coexist with humans. Stars Shia LaBeouf as Sam Witdicky, a basement-dwelling nerd who desperately wants to fuck the slut of the film and looks at shitting dick nipples in his spare time. Based on the lame TV show and toyline.
- Transformers 2: Because Transformers was great success, Michael Bay has stated that he would like to include a transforming buttplug this time.
Remember to always recycle and save kids!Moar
Michael Bay's fans[edit]
Michael Bay's latest film
Because Michael Bay is such an amazing director and isn't so full of himself, he has his own forum where he is also a moderator. All of his fans come here and discuss him and his movies. A typical reaction from your average Michael Bay fan includes:
|
|
“
|
"I think all of Bays movies are the shit!!! In my mind he hasnt done a bad movie to date."
|
„
|
|
| —Nelson
|
|
|
“
|
"Bay RULES!"
|
„
|
|
| —Chemical Superfreak
|
|
|
“
|
"well in my opinion Bay has something that is very rare amounts most action directors. And more specifically across most directors that are visually talented. Now days most action flicks need directors with great visual style. People who can imagine huge explosions, big car chases and on top of that vision have the mental capability and the leadership to be able to handle the pressure of 200+ million dollars resting on your shoulder and knowing 1 mistake, and your career could be over. This is very rare to find in one person, but it does happen with most action directors. Now here is what i think makes Bay different than MOST of them (not all of them, because there are other big budget / action movie directors that also have this talent) and that is a solid understanding of the art of story telling and character. A lot of directors that get into the genre (imo) seem to not have the most solid of concepts of story. They sacrifice what’s important, which is character development and plot for visual eye candy. You could get away with this when the idea of realistic CGI and such things like that where new. But now days every single movie has these elements and to be pulled of perfectly is expected by the audience. You can’t make a movie based on ILM quality CGI special effects anymore alone. You NEED a team of people that understand the art of storytelling both visually and plot/character wise and Bay just has this. He's not a hot shot who comes in and sais "Listen Writers, stop fucking around and put a god damn chase scene here. I have lots of ideas and it has to be right here, trust me its going to be amazing". He is the type of director who despite being known for having visual talent, goes and sais "Listen Writers, stop trying to make what you think a Michael Bay movie is. Have the action come organically, don’t force it and really get the characters and the story set first, THAT is what’s important.” And he's right, it really is what’s important. Because no amount of special effects or amazing action sequences are going to save a film with horrible, boring predictable story with flat 1 dimensional characters, and Bay is one of the few in this genre who understands this IMO. Now why this is I don’t know. Maybe it’s because all the drama and comedy and suspense / horror directors, most of them start off making indi films with a crap camera and no budget and to keep people interested in such crap production value they NEED to learn these values quick. And maybe a lot of action directors start off in commercials and music video's which don’t really require, (a lot of times they have it but they don’t always require) a real solid well told story. That is a medium where you’re not invested for more than 30 seconds to 5 mins long. so story and character isn’t as important, people want to see something that will either make them laugh hard or visually go "WOW!". And maybe producers say "that looks awesome! i want my film to have that style!" So they hire this man who can make kool visuals but really does not have the true understanding of a solid story telling. Bay, despite starting off in Music videos and commercials, is a true film maker and obviously understand everything a film maker should."
|
„
|
|
| —BrettLee
|
|
|
“
|
"I'm gay for Bay!"
|
„
|
|
| —Typical Michael Bay fan
|
Michael Bay Forum
Other Appearances[edit]
Michael Bay when he's on the set
Michael Bay fails at even trolling himself. Moar explosions followed.
Nothing is sacred, nothing is safe from Michael Bay's explosions.
See Also[edit]
