13-year-old boy

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Artist's depiction of a thirteen-year-old boy. It's actually quite accurate.


   
“ 		 
The half of ED that does have testicles aren't old enough to shave anyway.
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—ODB on the main pastimes of 13-year-old boys.

Also known as shota, much like 16-year-old girls, 13-year-old boys can be found all over AIM or, in a less popular but more concentrated population, such as Droidz or BYOND. They are easily recognized as they lack an Adam's apple, and their lack of pubic hair, undropped balls, nasally voices and microscopic penises. They make easy targets for drama baiting as their slavering worship of known fucktards Adam Sandler, Coldplay, Fall Out Boy, Insane Clown Posse, Slipknot, Linkin Park, and Tony Hawk has recently reached a fever pitch. Many times they are found in str8, chat rooms lying about their age (preferring to be 18 year old boys), or in gay chat rooms. In that case, it is most likely they are 60-year-old male camwhores who like to chat with 13-year-old boys. The typical 13-year-old boy also spends most of his free time reading Cyanide & Happiness comics when hunting for more pictures to shove into his forum signature. When not online, 13-year-old boys can be found playing Candyland, Xbox Live, and Yu-Gi-Oh!, as well as masturbating furiously to pr0n, or trying to date as many girls as possible while generating lulz.

They also, like 16-year-old girls, are proficient at statistics. For example, 92% of teenagers would cry if they were called a freak and have "moved on" from rock to rap. It is unclear whether this 92% are the same for each question polled. In fact, there is no record of any actual poll having taken place, but a million Facebook users putting this in their info can't be wrong.

While they are not as annoying as 16-year-old girls, they tend to have very bad spelling skills and like to say koo a lot. They also enjoy cussing a lot because it's koo and teh fucking shit beyotch LOLLZ OMFG!111. Beware that many of these 13-year-old boys are really FBI agents trying to entrap innocent members of NAMBLA, who are just upstanding citizens out for a good time, as they say. 13-year-old boys make up at least %1.00 of the total teen population. Due to their rarity, a repopulation program is underway and you probably want to breed with them, you sick fuck.

"13 year old boys are total fuck tards who act gay and when I say gay, I mean GAY!!!!!! Like this one boy told this other boy to fuck his ass and then they started dry humping and then all their friends started laughing like they were the kewlest thing since the Nebraska Safe Haven Law. 13 year old boys should die!!!!" - An example of the language used by said tweens.
""LOL DUED I SNIPED 4 WITH 1 BULLET. 1v1 ME NEUB"" -Typical 13 year old who calls himself a "hardcore gamer"

Charming naïveté[edit]

BEST THINGS EVAR!!1
What you'll expect to see.

13-year-old boys are easy as hell to manipulate via the Internet because of their trust of anyone they believe to be in authority and predominantly remorseful nature once confronted with objections to whatever it is they're doing at the time. There are many ways to go about wrangling a 13-year-old boy, such as offers of candy or threatening to have them banned from their favorite Pokémon forum. Use your newfound control for having them star in your latest YouTube submission or enacting lulz-ridden revenge.

Some 13-year-old boys, however, don't give a dead moose. It is best to quote them on ED for the lulz.

Quotes by 13-year-old boys[edit]

Typical 13 year old Internet tough guy.
   
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Dude, i'm thirteen, i dont have a fucking bedtime!!
  		„
  		 

—A 13-year-old boy up past his bedtime.

   
“ 		 
erryday
  		„
  		 

—All the kewl kids

   
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SO what if i smoke weed all day, SO what if i drink,SO what if i get with the boi's, SO what if im only 13,... you dont know me
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—Typical faggot who acting like hes a rebel

   
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Cum fyt me irl ill kick your ass i can bench 310lb fagget
  		„
  		 

—13 year old fag threatening to beat you up because he lost at COD

   
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ill beat u up i know Karate just ask my girlfriend
  		„
  		 

   
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FUCK CANADA FOR TAKING AWAY TOONAMEH! IT WAS THE BESTORZ!!!!!!!!!1
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—Newfag 13 year old bitching about some crappy anime block.

   
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apparently smart asses like you like to act smart by trying to say smart things to 13 year olds.
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—Иịçĸ, typical community member of a MapleStory private server named "xDreamerMS"

   
“ 		 
This is when a woman performs oral sex to a man by putting her lips on his dick and sucks it hard and deep. This is for the mans to enjoyment and for the woman to give out of generously, curiously, or just plain loving to give blowjobs. Then after she performs this she can either swallow the cum or spit it out. I think swallowing is one of the sexiest things a woman can do so ladies SWALLOW ON and SUCK HARD.
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—urbandictionary

   
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SlIpKnOt Is dA HeAvIeSt bAnD EvAh !!!
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—Typical maggot.

   
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i call bullshit! and because im bored RAPID FIRE BULLSHIT!!! BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT
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—A very cool person.

   
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TRIVIUM ARE FUCKING AWESOME CUNT FUCK YOU, THEY'RE NOT FUCKING EMO CUNTS FAGGOT
  		„
  		 

—A FUCKING MAD CUNT.

   
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I hope you burn in HELL!!1!!!11!!
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—Typical 13-year-old boy.

   
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I'm a pimp at Tertis.
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—13-year-old boy with no life.

   
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For shizal my nizal. Yay, hurt feelings are the best :D. I am bored ....soooo who has weed?
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—Irish Blood in Snafu Forum

   
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br00tal b!tches!1!1!1!11!!!!!
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—my best friend XD

   
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I have a whisker fetish. Okay, my mother shaved her vagina about a week before I was born. By the time I emerged, the pubic region had whiskers. THat was the first sight/touch I had.
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—Steven Bell, Unusually articulate 13 year old boy and furfag

   
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!tihs siht daer t'nac uoy ahah ,uoy kcuf eduD
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—Typical faggot that thinks it's cool to type backwards.

   
“ 		 
Ranaldo is one of the many Rainbow Dinosaurs on this planet that goes everyday without a bag of skittles. For every person that makes this their signature, Ranaldo will get one skittle. Please, save Ranaldo.
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—13-year-old boy who is gay

   
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EAT MY WONTON SOUP!!!
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—Typical 13-year-old-boy

   
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You just mad cuz my dick bigger than yours.
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—A typical faggot fuck.

Previous Quote | Next Quote

I have a Command Prompt and I know how to use it[edit]

Due to numerous videos on the JewTube, many 13-year-old boys now have mad hacking skillz, yo! They can do shit-chill things with the Command Prompt such as change passwords EVEN IF THEY DON'T HAVE ADMIN PRIVILEGES!!!11 (lol, just take away background admin), shut down your interwebs, play MUDs, create a fork bomb in Notepad, and this:

1337 h4xx0rz.gif


Ambitions[edit]

He will wreck your shit.
Typical 13 year old showing his love for Slipknot.
Will fuck you up
More typical 13 year olds.
He plays Call of Duty, so he knows how to handle a gun
.
13-year-old boy trying to be funny. [1]

The very best of 13-year-old boys[edit]

Your mother loves you; everyone else thinks you're a cunt.

Some footage of horny faggot boys begging for a butt-raping.

Previous Video | Next Video


13-year-old boys on Xbox Live[edit]

13-year-old Boys can frequently be found being 1337 and racist on Xbox Live. They often play Halo or Call of Duty and can most likely be found by taking note of how many X's they place on the front of their name. They usually try and join clans and partake in clan battles and when anyone accuses their clan of being gay they will rage and start asking for a 1 v 1 battle (which they will likely loose which will result in much lulz).

The best ways to make fun of 13-year-old boys on Xbox Live are:

  • Call them gay/a queer.
  • Say their clan is gay.
  • Say their gamertag is gay.
  • Say nothing but your mom jokes.
  • Tell them it's past their bedtime.
  • Tell them to kill themselves.
  • Tell them to play Viva Pinata.
  • Tell them to stop talking until their balls drop.
  • Tell them that there are no girls on the internet.
  • Tell them that they suck at the game.
  • Tell them that their gamerscore sucks.
  • Tell them to calm down, and that MW3 is 'just a game'.

A break in the monotony?[edit]

Some 13-year-old boys could end up being your boss one day. These are called the nerd-teen-old boys. They relish in the fact that they might be able to rule you with the iron fist of robot armies with the help of the azns and weeaboos. Others are actually kind and act unlike they are age and can be a valuable experience. They most likely end up in a psychiatrist's office when the school bullies have insulted them one too many times and they end up cutting a bitch.

How 2 be cool[edit]

  • Be Cool.
  • Buy an Xbox.
  • Never spell anything correctly when on your Internet (oh, and always use ALL CAPS).
  • Say random Spongebob Squarepants quotes to teh guys.
  • Shout out any Internet meme that pops into your little ADD-ridden head.
  • Watch porn.

Fun facts[edit]

A textbook example.
A gullable 13 year old boy that was dumb enough to fall for /b/'s triforcing advice. Poor kid wrecked his daddy's computer, resulting in epic lulz.
  • 13-year-old boys don't have to be 13. They can be 10 to 15 to 16. They can even go as far as 18. As they say, the younger the better.
  • Don't bother pwning a 13-year-old boy; he will say "Your Mom" or "You´re a noob", resulting in EPIC WIN...
  • It is totally legal to rape a 13-year-old boy, as long as you do it with a condom and don't get caught.
  • Every single 13 year old boy must beg to get his way.
  • Every 13 year old boy kills aliens and doesn't afraid of anything.
  • Every 13-year-old boy must bot to win PC games.
  • Every 13-year-old boy has to read every single Harry Potter book.
  • Every 13 year old boy will annoy the shit out of you no matter how or where.
  • To humiliate a 13-year-old boy, just mention to him that the average penis size is 5.75 inches, then mention that at his age you were 10". Watch the tears flow.
  • Every 13 year old boy will cry when you say ninjas do not exist.
  • Every 13 year old boy will die when you look at them in the eye and say "Nick Jonas".
  • Every 13 year old boy will go through a Behemoth-obsessed phase.
  • Every 13 year old boy has watched every episode of South Park.
  • Every 13 year old boy has played Guitar Hero, Halo and Call of Duty.
  • Every time a 13 year old boy loses, he will come up with any and every excuse as to reasons why.
  • Every 13 year old boy masturbates; the ones who say they don't actually do, except they fap to gay porn.
  • All 13 year old boys don't know what "gay" or "fag" mean.
  • Any screen name/account name associated with said 13 year old boy will be surrounded by "xXfaggy name hereXx"
  • 13 year old boys will sometimes impersonate an Admin of Steam, CS, or any other shitty overrated game. They will always do it poorly. When they are caught, they will normally cry their faggy little eyes out, resulting in epic lulz. (see here [2]).
  • 13 year old boys possess only partially developed human brains that will not be fully developed and functional for quite a while. As such, they are unable to respond to anything other than explosions, gore, and tits, and cannot process more than the most black and white of plots, which naturally explains their reverence for games such as Halo and Call of Duty, and movies like Transformers and Saw.
  • 13 year old boys are incapable of independent thought, and can only form opinions on religion and politics based on those of friends, family members, and, in particular, those of the popular media.
  • Most of the time, they know little to nothing about whatever religion and politics they follow, aside from the name of whoever happens to be the leader of it at the time, yet will defend it nearly endlessly if challenged to an argument over it, until they lose and go home crying, before coming up with some bullshit to convince themselves that they were right after all.

Gallery[edit]

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

See also[edit]

Notable 13-year-old boys[edit]

A 13-year-old boy and a 15 or 16-year-old girl start their full work day at Scientology, Melbourne. They could be your boss. This is normal.
Typical Down-Sydrome-diagnosed 13-year-old boy.

Internet hangouts[edit]

External links[edit]

YouTubes[edit]

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