Audreynoland
AudreyNoland is a CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY super dynamic internets all-star! Well, at least she thinks so. In reality though, she makes some of the least funny videos you will ever see and gets them onto the front page of YouTube by making thousands of fake accounts solely to favorite herself making her one of YouTubes most subscribed users. Her videos are the crawl space beneath rock bottom and utterly bereft of any entertainment value or humor. The one nice thing about her is the decent rack she has, however, it is dwarfed by the gargantuan vein on her forehead that is connected to a Thorazine pump. The typical Audrey Noland video consists of her wearing some kind of zany hat, going off on random tangents, like singing Disney movie songs, much like a 4 year old would do if he had a show and could stop eating his own boogers for 5 minutes. It is commonly agreed upon that she should look into becoming an hero.
AudreyNoland VIP's cheating was exposed by YTWatchdog. She was so upset with this being outed as a cheater that she had a bit of a cry, before getting straight back to making more fake accounts. According to reports, her "Audrey Noland being serious and crying like a baby" video was featured on G4 TV's Attack of the Show on cable television.
Currently, Audrey can be found vlogging her life away as "alwayslonely" on The Promised Land [1].
Audrey's most notable accomplishment at The Promised Land occurred on the day she temporarily subscribed her way into heaven when subscribed to Yahweh. Shortly after subscribing, she decided that hell was the place for her, so she unsubscribed from and blocked Yahweh. Satan's graphics look cool compared to God's graphics. Satan was pleased, so her video titled "alwayslonely I LOVE LIVEVIDEO" was featured.
She has recently confessed to being a dyke and that she is completely off the cock, which might explain a lot of her keeerrraaaaaazyy! Many speculate she is past the point of protein resuscitation. Another theory is that God realized he had made a mistake in creating her and tried to choke her to death with her own umbilical cord when she was in the womb, which is totally lulzy. Unfortunately, he then realized she'd be up in heaven with him for all eternity, so he had to let her live. However, being without oxygen for 3 months caused her to become as CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY as she is.
- Audrey Noland being serious and crying like a baby - From AudreyNoland - 9 Jan 2007
Other than being crazy, AudreyNoland VIP is an true American Hero.
Contents
How to be Funny, The AudreyNoland Way[edit]
One of the typical aspects of video blogging which AudreyNoland seem to have perfectly mastered is to be funny without having a sense of humor.
How to attain this level of funny:
- Get drunk before recording. You know how boring you actually are, but it is a scientific fact that alcohol abuse makes you automatically funny.
- Dress up like a classic character, then act like said character in a completely infantile and talentless way. Acting like an attention-craving four year old isn't immature, it's cute and hilarious. Remember: You are CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY!!!
- Remind your watchers of the nature of your character every five seconds, just in case they are as stupid as you are or have a short attention span.
- Don't speak coherently. Insert pauses, laughter and random, uncalled for blabber here and there to make sure people know you're cool and spontaneous. Coherent videos are boring. For example, stating "By the way, I'm not like 5'9 or 5'10. I'm only a little shorty, I'm 5'5.5 babies. That is my height. I'm short. I'm a short girl, yes I am!" is not only fit for your audience, as repeating a statement over five times will ensure to get your point across, but it is very appropriate as it has nothing to do with you being a wacky pirate girl.
- Laugh at your own jokes, because otherwise nobody else will.
- Show your boobs at the exact middle point of your video, so that they appear in the thumbnail. That way, sane people who think you're boring and stupid have something to look out for when they check out your videos.
- Open your mouth as wide as possible with every vowel you pronounce in order to look gracious. Also, when you're not talking, put on the largest pedosmile just in case somebody suspects that you're a sad and psychotic person.
- Have a non greased corncob implanted into your anus deeply enough to give you the proper facial expression and voice pitch.
- Wave your head around and speak loudly like a disoriented attention-seeking 16-year-old girl.
- Sing a classic song as loud as you can. Who cares if the horrid screeching of your voice induces severe suicidal thoughts? Loud = auto-awesome!
Audrey Wuz Here, A Study In Butthurt[edit]
Message #1 hey this is audreynoland herself and I'm most definitely getting an attorney involved now you used family pictures plus pictures of me with out my permission you take my family pic of my kids down and pics of me i did not sign a picture release form for you to use my fucking pictures and also did not give you any permission at all to talk about me its called slander what your doing you can remove this page right away due to your using pictures of my family and also of me i did not give permission for you to use at all and you committed slander take it down now the whole fucking page i did not give permission and now yes now i am getting an attorney called
Message #2 AND BY THE WAY THIS ISN'T MY PAGE I DO NOPT OWN THIS WEBSITE NOR DID I CREATE IT AND YOU STILL FUCKIN HAVE TWO PICS UP OF ME WHICH I OWN THE COPY RIGHTS TO SO TAKE IT THE FUCK DOWN NOW YOU SON OF A BITCH I HAVE THE RIGHT TO TYPE ON YOUR DUMB DUMB WEBSITE AND LET YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THE LAWS ARE YOU STILL HAVE TWO PICS OF MINE WHICH I OWN THE FUCKIN RIGHTS TO YOUR DUMB DUMB WEBSITE DOES NOT OWN ANY FUCKIN RIGHTS TO ANY OF MY DAMN PICTURES TAKE THE SHIT DOWN NOW ACTUALLY WHILE YOUR AT IT CLOSE THIS FUCKIN PAGE READ SLANDER LAWS ASSHOLE FIRST OFF YOU USED MY PICTURES WITH OUT MY FUCKIN PERMISSION AND SECOND OFF YOUR SLANDERING ME ON YOUR WEBSITE YOU FUCKIN PRICK
Message #3 attention once again you still have two pictures of me up one in my santa out fit and the other with me in jail out fit remove it from your site now it says in the laws you are noit aloud to use anything i own you fuckin dumb prick i have now decided to go to my lawyer and bring up charges on your fuckin site you have not removed my pictures i didn't give you permission to use you fuckin dumb ass prick now i will go and take care of this with a lawyer for you using copyright material that i own look up laws dumb ass
Cheating[edit]
Since AudreyNoland VIP had no life, no real job and no friends, she was able to spend hours creating over 9000 fake accounts to favorite her videos, comment on her videos, and subscribe to her videos. In essence, she was stalking herself, which is a new kind of crazy not yet understood by psychiatrists.
Some critics say that AudreyNoland VIP's videos suck and that is why she had to spend so much time making fake subscriber accounts. Simply saying that her videos suck is a failure to recognize her video's true potential. The United States Government is currently treating volunteers residing at Guantanamo Bay with speech impediments with daily "limited exposure" sessions of consecutive AudreyNoland VIP video broadcasts (24hrs per session, 7 sessions per week). A marked improvement has been noted in the willingness to talk of all the volunteers who have so far taken part in the trials.
YouTube Head Office Steps In[edit]
On 6th February 2007, YouTube unsubscribed the 9,000 accounts AudreyNoland VIP had made from her AudreyNoland channel. They also unsubscribed the 2,000 accounts that had legitimately subscribed to her while her cheating ass had spent 48hrs on the signup_invite page. That left AudreyNoland VIP with approximately 650 subscribers.
Despite her much reduced subscriber base AudreyNoland remains both a VIP and a true American hero. She is a VIP because of her enormous drama potential. She is a true American Hero because she proved that Google's 1.65 Billion dollar investment is run by a bunch of retarded fuckwits who consistently reward cheaters by using the YouTube corporate promotion tools to give them even more Honorz than they have already scammed by themselves.
AudreyNoland VIP has used the minor setback of losing 11,000 subscriber accounts to make a new channel called AudreyNolandIsBack and she is currently posting approximately ten new videos per day. Update as of 7/6/07, The AudreyNolandisBack Account has been Closed by YouTube. This has been considered a great victory for the internet as a whole.
The Totally Serious Video[edit]
In what could be described as a shocking turn of events, several thousand people saw Audrey Noland's video about how mean people are on the internet, and how her family never really liked her and proceeded to kill themselves in various fashions. Most notably, a Gaia Fag actually managed to bust the space bar off of his laptop and slice this own throat when the demon's scratching, horrific voice rendered his entire computer useless, save for the sound, which only seemed to increase as the video progressed.
The depressing content of the video is lost upon the actual pig slaughter that is the woman's voice, and not a single person has been recorded to survive the entire clip without at least permanent hearing loss.
After Watching the Video, one Can not seem to feel any form of compassion, but rather extreme homicidal impulses towards the Pshyco Bitch. During her pathetic and Probably fake rant, she decided to insult teh internets. Anonymous of 4chan has responded to this blatant attack on itself with a nod. After all, where there is YouTube channel, there is porn.
Trivia[edit]
- Audrey will only sit on Black cock
- Intellectually intimidated by White guys
- Admitted she was on the drug Ecstasy when making all her YouTube videos. (this explains a lot)
- She did Ecstasy 6 days a week for several years, thereby shrinking her brain from monkey-sized to walnut-sized.
- Previous jobs include: street prostitute, McDonald's employee.
- Currently works as a dock loader for FedEx.
- Once had to run from a pimp, who asked her, "Yo bitch, where my money at?"
- Thinks the "web master" of ED is a "fuckin prick"
Related Articles[edit]
External Links[edit]
audreynolandCurrent Audrey as "alwayslonely" on The Promised LandBaleeted!AudreyNoland VIP at MySpaceBaleeted!- AudreyNolandReturns
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Live Video Departments THE PROMISED LAND • ED Exodus into The Promised Land • The Promised Land/Lulzvasion • The First Plague: Fire • The Hatred Starts • Live Video Police Department • Star Trek Dweebs • TL;DW Key: * means user has closed their Live Video Channel |
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