Peter Coffin

BREAKING NEWS!!
200mb worth of Peter and his wife's nudes and SSN

COMEDY HACK

ALERT!

He looks like an angry lesbian

Peter Coffin is a sad failure of a YouTube comedian and a proud beta nu-male who earned his fame by kicking himself in the balls on national television, and was later exposed by an Asian blogger/model he was making racist comments toward for roleplaying as his own 18-year-old Japanese girlfriend, which he had been maintaining on various social media accounts by using an army of sock puppets for a solid 15 months.

After quitting the internet for a while, he recently became noteworthy again when he crawled out of obscurity to white knight Zoe Quinn, only to be accused of having an imaginary wife and child this time, one of which is a giant sex toy and the other he posted a fake birth certificate to "prove" was real.

After months of being stalked by /cow/, it was eventually agreed upon by the e-detectives that he actually married a mentally ill woman and then used a giant sex doll to pose as her because she was so mentally unstable she refused to take pictures of herself.

At the moment his career is dying, he might be cheating on his nearly retarded "wife", and she's probably in the country illegally.

1 Peter kicks himself in the balls on TV (literally)
2 Self Promotion Attempts
- 2.1 Wikipedia Article
3 Makes up fake girlfriend and kicks own balls figuratively
4 Attack of the Kimi Clones
5 If at first you don't succeed, make up a fake wife(?)
6 Conclusion - The final theory
7 Trans-Judaism
8 Coffin gets butthurt, privates Twitter
9 Coffin turns 31, trolls himself
10 Videos
- 10.1 Let's Plays
- 10.2 DELETE EVERYTHING
11 The Great Nude Leak
12 Other Endeavors
13 Gallery
14 Related Articles
15 Link Dump

Peter kicks himself in the balls on TV (literally)[edit]

Peter first got his taste of "fame" when he appeared on "Craziest Person in America" to prove he can kick himself in the balls, sparking a life-long addiction to attention. Host Steve Harvey was overheard saying "Wow, this is the stupidest fucking thing ever, in the history of television." before he made his way to another set to film Family Feud, The Steve Harvey Show and Madea Goes to Jail .

Peter Coffin Kicking Himself In The Balls 2.gif

Peter Coffin Kicking Himself In The Balls.gif

His pathetic display was so successful that he was invited back to the show to participate in the grand finale where he won "3rd Craziest Person in America" and was later shown on TV a third time on "NBC's Most Outrageous Moments".

Unsurprisingly, it never occurred to Peter during the course of kicking himself in the balls repeatedly, to wear any sort of padding.

Drunk off his 15 minutes of fame and not wanting them to end, Coffin quit his job at the car dealership (allegedly fired) some years later to become a "professional comedian".

Self Promotion Attempts[edit]

Peter Coffin outed on a forum for spamming his videos

Coffin again outed on the same forum for spamming a video and a paid link. One user mentions he used to do this on Digg too

From about 2004 to about 2011, when Peter was outed as faking his own girlfriend and shunned from the internet community at large, Coffin made a series of videos and other content for various sites ranging from YTMND, eBaum's World to JewTube. As you can imagine, most of Peter's content was as unfunny back then as it is now. As a result, Peter embarked on a series of pitiful attempts to promote his work on various sites.

Coffin's method of self promotion would display all the hallmarks that would characterise his later downfall. Typically Coffin would post on various forums using sockpuppets, spamming his videos and affliate links in the hope of at least conning people into giving him a payday by clicking on the links. Sometimes Peter would even hold conversations with himself. Occasionally Peter was discovered by moderators and publicly shamed.

The crown jewel of these self promotion attempts was his attempt to get people talking about him by vandalising the IMDB page for a Nicolas Cage movie to list himself in the credits. Coffin then proceeded to spam the message board with hype threads about himself and how awesome it was going to be that he was in the movie, usually to the indifference of the genuine posters, many of whom wondered who the hell Peter Coffin was. Perhaps demonstrating the extent of his delusion was his claim that he was funnier than either Cage or Will Smith because he dared to lick a sidewalk.

Peter Coffin's IMDB samefagging About missing Pics

A list of threads Peter has posted in for one of his (many) accounts
One of Peter's IMDB accounts
Another of Peter's IMDB accounts

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Yet another of Peter's IMDB accounts. This one is confirmed, as evidenced by the same user name as many of Coffin's other socks, plus he claims to be from Michigan
Coffin talking to himself on IMDB
Coffin talking to himself on IMDB, again

Wikipedia Article[edit]

Around 2007 Peter attempted, once again through the use of sockpuppets, to get a Wikipedia page made about him. Using his 'phasetrak' account, Coffin created a Wikipedia article on himself. Upon creation of the page, it was swiftly deleted by Wikipedia admins who, correctly, stated that Coffin was not notable enough to warrant his own Wikipedia article.

At this point, Coffin went into full tard rage. Using yet another sockpuppet under the name 'Evil Tito', Coffin proceeded to vandalise the Wikipedia page of a similarly named Canadian Bishop, claiming that he was the Peter Coffin more deserving of an article because he made tons of videos and was on 'The Steve Harvey Show'. In the midst of this tard rage, Coffin, perhaps inadvertently, outed himself as the sockpuppet. Not that it wasn't obvious before, the only edits 'Evil Tito' made were concerning Peter Coffin.

Peter Coffin's Attempt at getting a Wikipedia page About missing Pics

Peter Coffin using the same account name he always does to edit a Wikipedia page
Coffin being told he's a nobody by Wikipedia
Coffin tards out and vandalises the Wikipedia page of a similarly named bishop
Coffin signs his name on the Wikipedia vandalism
Revision history demonstrating the depths of Peter's delusions (he thinks he's the Peter Coffin, instead of a Peter Coffin)

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{{{5}}}

Makes up fake girlfriend and kicks own balls figuratively[edit]

Peter (as "Kimi") being his usual racist self

Unfortunately for Peter, no one wanted anything to do with his sad excuse for comedy. So much so that, after two years, his video about him becoming a full-time comedian had gotten less than 1,000 views.

Peter spent his time taking out his bitterness regarding how lonely and filled with failure he had become by stalking Asian models online and making racist jokes about them. Why he would do this becomes obvious once you consider his asian dating profiles. Finally he came across Wendy (Xiaxue) Cheng from Singapore, an Asian blogger who would routinely undergo plastic surgery procedures to look more white. Distraught that an Asian woman would change her appearance to look more white, and unable to fight his raging hard-on for Wendy, he began harassing her and making fun of her nose job until she blocked him. Soon after, a second account of one "Kimi Kobayashi", a Japanese girl living in New York and claiming to be Coffin's 18 year old girlfriend, began sending Xiaxue the same kind of tweets. The story would have ended there, but it turns out that Xiaxue is part-time internet detective who made a post on her blog called "Peter Coffin is a Loser" (archive) utterly destroying him and proving his girlfriend is not real and is in fact a random picture of Korean model Lee Na Young.

But something seemed wrong. After all, she and Coffin had been in a relationship for 15 months and "Kimi" had various, active online accounts. I mean, no one could be pathetic enough to create an entire fake person on the internet and actively engage in a pretend relationship with them for 15 months, right? Wrong! Peter Coffin is that pathetic. Peter's failure was so massive that his name became a trending hashtag in Singapore and was tweeted by internet celebs and famous Asian supermodels alike.

It appears that, since no one wants to listen to a pudgy white guy, and since he can't make racists comments about chinks without being called out on it as a pudgy white guy, Coffin created a teenage, Asian girlfriend for himself with a stereotypical name that was probably inspired by his obsession with Kim Kardashian. Soon the internet the ultimate fake girlfriend story full of articles making fun of him, including a lost article that was on ED.com and ones on places like Gawker and Jezebel (which is funny because they have since aligned themselves with him over GamerGate).

The Kimi Affair About missing Pics

"That model just LOOKS like Kimi!"
"Peter Coffin has a perfect dick" - Kimi Kobayashi
Peter keeps Kimi in line. What a man!
One day Peter will merry himself
Oh Kimi, you so crazy! (and racist)

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Peter uses his fake gf to tell someone else that they are "a loser who can't find a REAL woman"
Peter's jealously attacks Xiaxue
She calmly responds because, unlike him, she isn't a sperglord
Peter asking for it
?????????
OMG so romantic!
Wow, that Kimi sure is racist
Kimi chillin' with some friends
Kimi can't tell Japan apart for Korea and doesn't know which one she's in at any given moment
Kimi is so sexy.
Again, you're in Korea
Japanese girlfriend with giant tits. Peter is a lucky guy!
That's just gross Kimi
Peter using Kimi to vent about being ugly
Kimi is taking a break from twitter but they are still together
Peter disgustingly flirting with himself
More
MOAR
Him and himself are twitter's new power couple
This is just creepy
Pathetic
KIMI IS REAL AND SHE IS SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO HIM!!!!
Jesus fucking christ Kimi hates her own people
Wait, did Peter make this thing?
"plz don't forget I am Asian, okay?" - Kimi
Xiaxue claims the true identity of Kimi is the Loch Ness monster and posts her and Coffin's Skype chats
Is Peter trying to say he can't tell a man's voice apart from that of a woman?
"??????" - Peter Coffin
Peter thinks this is something an actual woman would tweet. Has he ever even talked to one?
Not creepy at all
New level of pathetic reached!
How can anyone believe that this is anything but Peter wanking all over?
A screenshot of his supposed conversation with Kimi taken from his imageshack.
A second screenshot of his hilariously pathetic conversation with Kimi.

Scrambling to do damage control Peter came up with his next failed lie...

"I was catfished!"[edit]

"LOL idk ¯\(º_o)/¯"

Realizing people on Reddit were mocking him, Peter made an account to set the record straight, joined the thread and later (allegedly) deleted all his posts when this expectedly failed. But he wasn't done! His next step was to make an AMA, thinking he could either prove Kimi was real or that he himself was the victim of prank.

This failed even harder. The people on the AMA soon began asking him questions that he could not answer like:

Why did he claim to have met Kimi?
Why did he once post claiming she was sitting next to him?
Why did he say that he fucked her?
How come he dated her for more than a year and yet never video-skyped with her?
If she a lived 2 hour flight away from him and was rich (she implied that her rich family provided her with a comfortable lifestyle), how come in the 15 months of their relationship did he never fly out to see her?
Why did Kimi post and act exactly like him?
What the fuck is wrong with you? Did you seriously use your own sock puppet to post that you have a perfect penis?
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL (this isn't a question but most posts were pretty much this)

It would have ended there, as Xiaxue was starting to feel sorry for the sad schmuck, but then he had to go and try to use the AMA to smear her. Xiaxue responded with another blog post where she corrects her previous statement about how long he's been "dating" Kimi (at first she mistook it for 8 months) and poked holes in his lies by providing proof that 1. Someone had already told him that her pictures were fake 2. That "Kimi" deleted her accounts for a few days following the exposure and 3. Peter claimed she simply used those pictures because she looks like that model, implying he'd seen her (he also said he heard her voice on Skype).

The AMA ended in Peter rage quitting yet again and possibly temporarily deleting it.

Redditor asks the hard questions
Peter comes up with the catfish story

"Cease and Desist!"[edit]

Learning absolutely nothing, Peter had "his lawyer" send a C&D letter to Xiaxue, demanding that she stop making fun of him online or face a penalty according to Singapore law. However, this email came from an address that had Peter's name in it. So, instead of ceasing and desisting, Xiaxue made another post laughing at what a loser he is called "Peter Coffin is his Own Legal Team" and lol'd at how obviously fake it all was. Not only that, but she had an actual lawyer examine the letter and he found that the law Peter cited was actually a law prohibiting gambling and the content was based on a template Peter found online.

IMMA CHARGIN MAH LAWYER!!!! About missing Pics

The letter pt.2
The letter pt.3
The letter pt.4
The letter pt.5
The letter pt.6

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The letter pt.7
Even her husband joined in to call him a loser
Part two

Feeling pity for the poor faggot, Xiaxue's husband made a post saying he's such a loser that they are going to leave him alone.

Peter invents A THIRD person, harasses random blogger[edit]

You would think being exposed twice would teach him not to make fake accounts and not to use those fake accounts to try and harass people, but Peter is virtually retarded and, when some nobody blogger made a post mocking him (archive), he made another sock called "IJust DGAF" (once again complete with various social media accounts to add to the illusion) to argue on his behalf and leave angry comments on people's blogs.

The fake account created a blog called "Rants and Retardicles" that defended Coffin's honor and spammed that blogger's comment section. But this only lead to a SECOND post that drew MORE attention to him and lead to a cycle of spamming her out of rage and deleting his comments to hide his shame. He finally fucked off and she posted a last entry saying he mostly went away but is still stalking her every post in silence.

We be bloggin' About missing Pics

Totaly not Peter
Oh wait, here's proof that it's actually him
Twitter lockdown
His last comment to let her know he's still talking her

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"No one cares about your blog" -Peter
They do now that you're here
Peter calls a site that ran a story on him to complain about her

Following this, Peter called one of the sites that wrote about him, began to literally cry on the phone and then announced that he will be quitting the internet for a while and everyone forgot about the sad loser for a couple of years.

Attack of the Kimi Clones[edit]

After he was busted, things got even stranger. Peter appears to have been involved in the creation of two separate Star Wars-oriented, gamer girl Tumblr blogs, named sachious and darthdarling. Both sachious and darthdarling used photos of Kimi Kobayashi (aka. Lee Na Young, the Korean model whose photos were stolen) as their avatars. On her Tumblr, Darthdarling claimed she was called Sachi, and one Tumblr user even tags a response to sachious with darthdarling’s nametag.

This imageshack (archive) belonging to Peter hosts logos and icons which can be found on the now defunct sachious tumblr, as well as some avatars with Kimi and most importantly, what is probably the earliest (and most unflattering) photo of Ashleigh. Worth of note is the fact that darthdarling (and by extension sachious, them being the same fucking person and all) has the same birthday as Ashleigh (see screenhots)... and that Nihileigh (Ashleigh’s Tumblr name) was initially called darthashleigh.

Did Coffin get catfished by Ashleigh, who was pretending to be Kimi? The two girls do share a striking number of suspicious similarities:

1. They both like Star Wars and a myriad of other videogames.

2. Ashleigh's upper jaw developed too forward and had a surgery to correct this in 2016. In her 2011 formspring, Kimi claims her upper jaw developed too forward and that she already had surgery.

3. Ashleigh was born on July 16th 1992 (see here and here), making her 18 and a half in March 2011, when the Kimi Kobayashi drama was unfolding. In 2011, Kimi was claiming to be 18 on her Formspring. The birthday information ties in with Tumblr user darthdarling, who uses Lee Na Young's picture and has the same birthday as Ashleigh. This links Ashleigh to Kimi's persona.

4. They both have a younger brother (Ashleigh even gave her son her brother's name as a middle bame).

5. Their parents are divorced, and they don’t get along well with their fathers. Ashleigh's dad seems to be typical Eurotrash while Kimi's supposedly wealthy Japanese businessman father would leave her and her brother home alone to go to brothels.

6. They don’t seem to have done anything after high school, staying home all day. Ashleigh was too ~~lazy~~ mentally ill to work. Kimi claimed that she dropped out of high school and that her family was wealthy enough to allow her to life a comfortable lifestyle doing... nothing.

7. They both claim to have been massively bullied when they were younger.

8. They are both atheists, with Ashleigh having had an account on an atheist forum.

The upper jaw problem, the younger brother, the divorced parents and the staying at home doing nothing are big points Ashleigh has in common with Kimi. Not to mention that Peter, in one of his at-the-time bizarre defences, claimed he met an Asian girl in Scotland… where Ashleigh lived at that time.

Ashleigh makes a somewhat suspicious claim that she did something bad for which someone else got blamed, very publicly.

If this is true, then both Peter and Ashleigh proved to be ridiculously hypocritical when crying about how they were victimized, when they stole the photographs of an innocent woman and shamelessly used her image for over one year to spout racist bullshit, jokes about running a pedophile ring (keep in mind that poor Lee Na Young, the woman whose photos were stolen, is a teacher!) and to acquire attention and validation.

If at first you don't succeed, make up a fake wife(?)[edit]

They met at little Susie's tea party and have been happily in love ever since. (totally not shopped)

After the Kimi fiasco Coffin went AWOL and remained fairly unnoticed for the next few years. He only came into the spotlight once more during GamerGate when he turned from just a regular mangina to a full-on SJW. Yes, Peter was back with more cringe-worthy videos and a hot, new wife. A beautiful, seemingly mentally ill young lady from Scotland that he met at "Susie's Tea Party", married in Vegas and had their ceremonial dinner with at Wendy's before having a seriously deformed looking baby with her. And to top it all off, this one was real!... Or was she? The autistics over at the /cow/ board on ~~Legi0n~~ ~~789chan~~ ~~888chan~~ they're on 8chan now, became suspicious that this one is fake too and may even be a RealDoll.
So began an obsessive campaign to prove if she was real or not.

But she had to be real, right? It sure seemed like it, judging from her multiple, active account, her various pictures and gifs, family members and baby. And yet, many things seems not right. /cow/'s creepy stalking turned up various inconsistencies, such as:

What's really going on

When he was 6 Peter already had his first sex doll. A fetish that never ended.

Peter and "Ashleigh" are hardly ever seen in pictures together.
They are never both together with the baby.
When they are, the pictures seem photoshopped.
In a facebook post that was leaked during the Kimi scandal to the blog he was butthurt about, Coffin claims Kimi was a real Asian girl he met in Scotland that was only using a fake picture. Scotland is also where he claims "Ashleigh" is from.
Her movements in the gifs are static, awkward and limited.
So are her poses.
In one mirror selfie the light reflecting from he phone is too bright and seems to indicate she was looking at the opening screen and not the camera.
The "Mirror" in her selfies has to be huge for its edges not to be in frame.
Another picture of the same area of the house from another angle seems to prove there is no mirror there.
A picture of her was found on a foreign imageboard a few years before Peter claims to have made it.
"Ashleigh" doesn't seem to exists on the internet prior to her relationship with Peter.
Only 4 people with her name were born in he place Peter claims that she is from between 1885 and 2013.
Only one of those 4 matches her age.

Peter's wife's eyes NEVER MOVE
Peter posted a blurry picture of himself holding up her passport to prove that she is real, but the birth date is wrong.
In one of Peter's old videos you see a glimpse of what appears to be a RealDoll laying on his floor.
Her body proportions are unrealistic (huge tits, no hips at all).
In many pictures something is added (heart, flower) covering her hip. Might be an attempt to cover up the unrealistic joint bulge of a doll.
Almost all photos of Ashleigh are grainy and with the mouth covered. It has been demonstrated that it is easy to make the difference between human skin and realdoll skin unclear with the sort of filters being used but their lips are too unrealistic.
In the pictures where her mouth IS visible it doesn't look like she is the same person.
Some (all?) gifs of her are low frame with oddities such as blank frames and identical frames with different filters. This would not occur converting video to gif, and is indicative that Peter is using stop motion animation.
Most pictures without a filter are of a girl's back in a public space. There is nothing in these pictures that indicate they are Ashleigh, and indeed don't look proportionally the same as the "doll" pictures.
There is one video of her holding her baby inside Peter's house that looks like peter in a costume ("she" has a mask on).
Peter responded to these accusations by calling people idiots and then claiming he'll never be baited into responding.
He went on by responding with legal documents that aren't clearly legal documents and then claiming he'll never be baited into responding again.
She always uses the common American spelling of words, rather than the British one.
Her face never changes and eyes seem to be in a fixed spot when she's not moving them in gifs. Indicating it's a doll who's eyes roll back into place and Peter forgets to change her default expression when talking pix.

Now, you might be asking yourself who would go through this much trouble to forge documents and create and army of sock puppets to fabricate an entire relationship with a made up person. But remember, this is the man who once managed a span of fictional accounts to create the illusion that he has a girlfriend for fifteen months, and when he was caught attempted to cover it up using more fake accounts. Since then he has had several years to learn from his mistakes and prepare the ground for his next attempt. This sort of thing may be beyond the scale of patheticness for most people, but perhaps not Peter. After all, Israel Keyes once buried a murder kit somewhere so he could return to use it one day, two years later. Peter Coffin may be as crazy as a serial killer.

In his attempts to prove his wife is real, or at least stop people from trying to find out, Peter has accused /cow/ of being part of GamerGate, declared war on 8chan and joined in a failed mailing campaign to falsely report 8chan for CP. A campaign that ended with Coffin freaking out because he didn't bother to read to ToS to know that CloudFlare tells people who were reported the name and email of those that sent the complaint. He then attempted to prove that the baby is real by posting a picture of what he claimed was the birth certificate. This still didn't prove anything and, while he censored some of his information on it (such as the baby's middle name: Ronan, most likely named after Ashleigh's brother), he left enough of it in so people just doxd the shit out of him for lulz. As for the certificate itself, it appears to be fake. Many things about it don't seem to match what a real certificate should look like and, if Peter indeed faked it, he would have committed a federal offense.

PETER DECLARES WAR ON 8CHAN/COW

Sent fake abuse report
Freaked out about the email
Proof he Stalks his thread
More

So what's really going on here? Is she real? Is she fake? A doll? A real woman? Greencard marriage? Some girl who's pictures he got off the internet? Some combination of all those things? No one knows for sure. But what we do know is that /cow/ is allegedly stalking him IRL at the moment and even if she turns out to be real she is clearly a mentally ill person, similar to the human barbie, who's pictures of a flat stomach when she was 5 months pregnant may explain why the baby is hideously deformed and his eyes are so far apart he may as well be a chameleon.

Until Peter posts a well lit, short video of him, her and the baby together and moving around with their faces visible that will prove they are all real and alive, no one can be certain. However, if he does that we can all have a big laugh at how people spent several weeks making him sperg out by harassing him and his entire family over absolutely nothing.

The Coffspiracy About missing Pics

She's mentally ill, and claims to be suffering from borderline personality and body dysmorphia.
Her pics show up on some Dutch image board before they should according to Coffin
Is that a realdoll on Peter's floor?
Are the gifs stop-motion animation made by Peter?
When this was taken he would have already been married

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Coffin was married to someone for one day but not to this girl.
The accounts of all of his and her relatives were created on almost the same date, 10 years after Facebook became a thing
Leaked facebook post of him talking about "Kimi" in 2011. Also from Scotland?
Is that a doll on the bed behind her?
Photoshop?

If at First you Fail to Lawyer, Lawyer Again?[edit]

Peter is currently majorly buttnuked over recent developments in his story and is now trying to, yet again, make fake legal threats. He recently sent another C&D to the admin of /cow/ however, also similarly to before, the letter is fake. The firm noted in it is a criminal defense firm that doesn't handle civil defamation cases, the content is stolen from a template he found online (the same was true with the Xaixue letter) and the address is a gym. The lawyer cited in it was contacted and confirmed he did not write it, making the letter a federal offense.

Not discouraged, Peter sent a second letter to Hotwheels himself who ignored it and forwarded it back to /cow/ who just laughed at it a second time.

(Peter claims he didn't send the letter. Updates pending)

/cow/ discovers the "Ashleigh" doll model[edit]

While these alleged legal emails were being passed around, 8chan discovered what appears to be the origin of Peter's plastic wife. She's an "Alicia 1H" model from a love doll website called Sinthetics, who coincidentally looks exactly like Peter's "wife," has the same bra size as Ashleigh, and even has a similar name. The best part is that aside from the added glasses, she's not even a custom model, just a common shelf whore.

Also worth pointing out is that the Sinthetics catalog features an Asian doll named Kimiko. Yes, as in Kimi Kobayashi.

Play time is over, Peter About missing Pics

Peter's wife must have a twin sister... lots of twin sisters
Peter's wife coincidentally has the same bra size as the doll she's modeled after
Hey look, we found Ashleigh's nudes
The same company who made Peter's doll carries an Asian doll named Kimiko.. .. LOL Kimi Kobayashi
The Alicia 1H model

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The Twitter meltdown continues at an amusingly alarming rate
There's an actual community of doll lovers out there who make stop motion gifs like these in order to animate their "wives"
Sexual attraction to dolls seems to be a common thing with people named Peter

Peter's Theme

See her walking down the street
She's got rubber legs and rubber feet
Rubber head and a rubber nose
She's got a rubber face and rubber toes

Everything's rubber in her land of dreams
Cannabis castles and acid queens
Rubber beds and rubber floors
Rubber pets and rubber doors

His rubber wife wears rubber clothes
And her rubber kids got snotty nose
The rubber bath has got rubber taps
And in the shower are rubber mats

Everything's rubber in his land of dreams.
Been that way since his teens
Rubber women for his treat
Rubber bouncing beneath the sheets

Doctors think he's crazy
Should be locked up soon
In a mental ward off the street in a rubber room
People think he's crazy
Mother thinks he's queer
But nobody fucks around with the rubber buccaneer

See him walking down the street
He's got rubber legs and rubber feet
Rubber head and a rubber nose
He's got a rubber face and rubber toes

Everything's rubber in her land of dreams
Cannabis castles and acid queens
Rubber beds and rubber floors
Rubber pets and rubber doors

People think he's crazy
Mother thinks he's queer
But nobody fucks around with the rubber buccaneer.

UPDATE:

At some point in 2016, logs were leaked from Zoe Quinns privet IRC, where Peter could be seen, conspiring and begging her friends to somehow take down 8chan or hurt Hotwheelz personally.

Caught making socks again[edit]

A few weeks later, while this was all still going on, Peter got into an argument on twitter again about asking for money for his doll wife. Peter stopped arguing pretty fast, but in his place came some random lady to his defense... you can probably guess where this is going.

Again Peter? About missing Pics

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

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Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Part 11

Yes, she was a sock. Someone checked her account, saw that is was all just pimping out Peter and Peter-style jokes, googled her name and state, found nothing, used a honeypot to grab her IP and find out she was posting from the same state as Peter and not the state she says she's in on her profile and reverse image-searched her avatar to find out it was someone else's picture. Soon after being confronted with this, Peter nuked the account.

Conclusion - The final theory[edit]

Peter blurred the baby's face himself, even though his avatar for the funding drive has a photo of it unblurred.

In the end, Peter posted the video below, containing the woman in question, claiming to be his wife.

[[VIDEO DELETED]]

An example of Peter's methods for spamming his followers for donations.

From this, and from several hackers and government employees arose this final theory that is currently believed to explain everything:

Kimi and Ashleigh are the same person. Ashleigh is a deeply mentally disturbed woman with BPD and sever body image issues. In early 2011 she catfished Coffin, pretending to be Kimi and using the fact Peter was posting on Asian dating sites and using mail order bride websites at the time to craft her identity (which is why most of their personal history lines up). Peter, being mentally ill himself, created an army of sock puppets, using his internet GF's identity to harass Asians online with impunity by pretending to be his own Japanese girlfriend. After he was exposed, he confronted Ashleigh about this and she revealed her real identity. Peter, being the failure that he is, continued his online relationship with her for years to come. However, when she was exposed to the public again, she was still too fucked in the head to just get in front of a camera and prove she's real, and Peter was still unwilling to expose the origins of their relationship. Which is why they cobbled together a semi-fake identity out of the few pictures she was willing to let him post, and possibly a manikin of some sort. Ashleigh's doll-like appearance online is due to her mental issues that made her photoshop those pictures,stuff her bra, hide her deformed jaw and make herself look overall unnatural. Eventually, Peter paid for her surgery and a flight to the US where they had a sham marriage and where she now continues to live illegally.

Furthermore, their child seems to be either an anchor baby that mostly stays with Peter's mom, or is being used to scam the Scotland welfare office which doesn't know she left the country and continues to pay her child benefits. Ashleigh herself has almost no record of activity based on a search done by a government employee and a partial admission in a leaked chat log, so she probably trying to lay low to avoid deportation. Peter, meanwhile, has been spotted hanging around comedy bars and hitting on other women (he was flirting with other girls online back when he tough Kimi was real, too) and is trapped in a loveless marriage with a psycho and a failing career that he must maintain while hiding his shameful history.

This ties up most loose ends, besides why Peter clearly has a giant sex doll in his house.

There are a lot of questions that remain unanswered, but this theory seems to tie up.

Trans-Judaism[edit]

Coffin demonstrates his characteristic lack of self awareness

In the wake of Rachel Dolezal scandal, Coffin took to Twitter to tell his loyal fanbase and audience just what he thought of the situation. In true Coffin fashion, Coffin proceeded to bitch about how Dolezal was culturally-appropriating POC and taking power from them in a long rant which interested absolutely no one.

Coffin's rant was, of course, characteristically hypocritical, as Coffin has for many years pretended to be a Jewish man trapped in the body of a terribly unfunny white man. Coffin first claimed to be Jewish in order to make jokes about Jews, a routine he stole wholesale from the plot of a Seinfeld episode. He used his cultural-appropriation of the Jewish people to make some unfunny banter between him and his made up Japanese girlfriend.

Since his outing as a hack and pathetic loser, Coffin has, on several occasions, played the Jew card to ingratiate himself with the Social Justice crowd and to gain the oppression points he sorely lacks as a proud beta white knight, ignoring the fact that SJWs don't give a fuck about Jews, especially ones that weren't Holocaust victims.

Coffin's claim to Jewish heritage is specious at best, and stems from a misconception about his Polish heritage. Coffin claims his mother's maiden name is Dombrowski and that his mother's side of the family are Poles of Jewish ancestry. This is unlikely, for several reasons:

1. Dombrowski or Dąbrowski is not a Jewish surname. It is a Polish surname meaning 'oak grove'. It is possible that Coffin confused his mother's surname with Dobrowolski, which is typically a Polish-Jewish surname meaning 'converted from good free will' (compare with the Russian 'Dobrovolsky')

2. Coffin is not a Jewish surname either. It is an Anglo-Norman surname, indicating his Father's family is from either Normandy or England. Most American Coffins are Quakers

3. Coffin's family is Catholic and Coffin was raised Catholic. Poland has a large Catholic population, and Coffin's catholic upbringing suggests that his mother's family are Polish Catholics rather than Polish Jews. This is made obvious by the fact that Coffin's mother's family was (unfortunately) not carted off to Auschwitz or some other concentration camp.

4. Coffin's mother follows a Methodist Church on Facebook in a way that would indicate membership, once again precluding any signs of Judaism.

5. Coffin uses his big nose as 'proof' of his Judaic heritage. Of course, Coffin's nose is more Roman than Jewish and if you look at Coffin's family photos you will notice that Coffin is simply the runt of the litter. The rest of his family display no Jewish traits whatsoever.

6. Jews are rich. Coffin has to e-beg

7. Jews are successful. Coffin can barely get people to give him $200 on Patreon

8. Jews drive nice cars. Coffin drives a Ford

9. Jews are funny.

Suffice to say, much like Coffin's girlfriend, Coffin's Jewish heritage is completely made up.

Peter Coffin's Trans-Judaism About missing Pics

Coffin admits to pretending to be Jewish for the jokes
Coffin thinks being Jewish will make him successful (he was wrong)
More claiming to be Jewish for the shitty jokes
Coffin's family, including his 'Jewish' grandmother. Notice the runt of the litter

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Are you Polish or Jewish Peter?
Peter admits to not being Jewish
Coffin outright claims to be a Jew
Coffin claims to be a Jew again

Coffin gets butthurt, privates Twitter[edit]

Coffin gets butthurt and privates his Twitter

On July 12th 2015, an SJW demonstrated a rare moment of clarity and decided to call out Peter Coffin for being the beta orbiter that he is, calling him a 'creepy ally'. Understandably Peter, who spends 90% of his time on Twitter pretending to get offended about a variety of Social Justice issues, was visibly butthurt, and tried to defend himself from these accusations/check his privilege. This only made the situation worse and led to the Kimi scandal being brought to light once again for a whole new audience. In response, Peter got incredibly anally devastated and privated his Twitter, his bio telling people to 'Fuck off'. Coffin then proceeded to go on another rant, blaiming Xiaxue once again for ruining his life and claiming he did nothing wrong, even though A) he started it and B) he invented Kimi, not Xiaxue. Unbeknownst to Coffin, a fair portion of his Twitter followers are, in fact, anons from /cow/ who managed to screencap the entire rant before Peter, realising that Twitter is the only platform where people pretend to give a shit about him, unprivated his Twitter and baleeted the entire rant.

Peter Coffin's Butthurt Twitter rant About missing Pics

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Coffin turns 31, trolls himself[edit]

In a temper tantrum, Peter takes to twitter to blame everyone except himself for his life being a failure.

Coffin links his SJW followers to the Gawker article about him. Many of them were completely unaware of it before

On the 20th of July 2015, Coffin completed yet another year in his pathetic failure of a life. To commemorate the occasion, instead of, say, spending time with his wife and child, Coffin chose to surf Twitter for asspats from people he doesn't know (including Dogfucker) and to go on yet another Twitter sperg-out (sensing a pattern here?).

This time Peter chose to link the article Gawker wrote about him way back in 2011 to his audience of Twitter followers, many of whom had not read the article previously and were thus completely unaware that Coffin made up his own girlfriend back in 2011. He figured that, in the wake of Gawker's recent troubles over an article they published he would be an opportunist and convince them to take down an article he's still claiming is untrue despite mountains of evidence to the contrary.

Upon being called out for this display of blatant stupidity, Peter began to sperg out in earnest, once again repeating his talking points about how Xiaxue is to blame for his misfortune (even though, once again, he harassed her first) and how he was supposedly being catfished (despite claiming to have met Kimi and known who she was on at least two separate occasions, and despite dating Kimi for a period of at least fifteen months). New to this round of sperging was Peter's butthurt at Gay William Faggotson (whom he referred to as 'Ray William Shitface' because he's too much of a PC faggot to say faggot) for signal boosting Xiaxue's takedown of him, which then apparently attracted the media's attention.

To cap off this sperg-out, an SJW White Knight with either a warped sense of reality or a hidden desire to see Peter take a bigger fall, suggested that he sue Gawker for defamation and libel. Such efforts would, of course, prove fruitless and bankrupt Coffin in the process as, for once, Gawker didn't do anything wrong.

Reminder that he was doing all of this on his birthday instead of spending time with the wife and child that are 'Totally real guise'.

Peter Coffin's Birthday Sperg-Out About missing Pics

Coffin continues to deny fault, blames Xiaxue and Ray William Johnson for his problems
Coffin thinks Gawker (a blog site) is Mainstream Media
Yet he had no problem taking the initiative and reaching the Village Voice for comment (and then crying into the phone)
The conclusion: Poorfag Peter is looking for a payday

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{{{5}}}

Videos[edit]

For years Peter has been making youtube videos to the blatant indifference of everyone online. None of these videos are in any way funny and so few people watch them that it often takes his "hilarious" videos years to hit 10,000 views. Only recently did people start paying attention to him again when, after being labeled a racist misogynist because of the Kimi thing and due to severe loss of testosterone from years of kicking himself in the balls, he became a social justice warrior. It was at this point that his videos, that were already preachy and unfunny before, became full-on, hilariously inept propaganda when Peter decided to try and hop on the anti-GamerGate bandwagon.

Finally people were laughing at his videos, but for all the wrong reasons. His new audience was enthralled by Peter's displays of poor acting, poor editing and outright autism. The "parodies" contain nothing but Peter talking to himself in front of a green screen, wearing various costumes and doing funny voices because he doesn't have a single friend to make these videos with him.

His pathetic flailing reaches a level of "So bad it's good" and people on various GamerGate sites often gather around to watch them for some comic relief. His biggest hits include "Make it Stop" (which is exactly what people are screaming when they hear his songs), where you can watch his effeminate gestures and girly voice that make it painfully obvious he's in the closet, and a song about his pride in being an unattractive, socially awkward coward called "Beta as Fuck" that he made alongside Jonathan Mann, the guy who wrote a song defending Anita when she got mad that people were comparing her to Jack Thompson. He follows this up with a Family Guy level of tryhard edginess by making a song called "The Pedophile's Guide to Love & Pleasure."

"This should stop people from calling me a beta"

"#MakeItStop"

"hur hur pedophilia is funny"

"Peter being transphobic."

"More of the same"

Previous Video | Next Video

Let's Plays[edit]

An example of the high viewing figures PlayWithPeter usually gets

Faced with falling viewing figures on his main channel and unable to continue paying for view bots to inflate his view count, Peter decided to try and join the rest of the JewTubers and become a Let's Player, in yet another feeble, late-to-the-party attempt to win back his supposed 'lost' 'popularity', through his 'Play with Peter' account.

The result is pretty much what you'd expect. Despite being incredibly unfunny when scripted, Coffin's lack of comedic talent is never more readily apparent than when he tries to improvise. His let's plays consist of him playing games and laughing at his own jokes, mixed in with heavy, heavy heapings of autism. Furthermore, while most Let's Players will upload long videos on a regular basis in order to make the most Jewgle adsense money out of Jewtube (the algorithm rewards people who upload longer videos more regularly), Coffin chooses to upload short videos once a week, again demonstrating his keen business sense.

Of course, much like the rest of Peter's work, nobody fucking cares about his Let's Plays, especially when JewTube is already over-saturated with tons of better Let's Players. As a result, much like everything else in Peter's life, his attempt at being a Let's Player is mostly a failure, as the viewing figures will demonstrate.

DELETE EVERYTHING[edit]

Despite having more than 200k subs, his videos don't even crack 1,000 views anymore. In addition to this, after deleting any politically incorrect video he ever made some time ago, he recently went back and deleted ALL his videos besides some of his most recent stuff to keep /cow/boys from using them to dig for info.

The video above is a compilation of deleted videos Peter once recorded with an opinionated commentary in between the videos from the author who put it together. These video pre-date SJW Peter, and their context seems to indicate that he finds the feminism movement to be a joke. Below is a video compilation of some of Peter's deleted videos wherein he makes for of gays, trannies and feminism.

The Great Nude Leak[edit]

Recently (late 2018), some on a celeb nude leak site, was able to hack and steal everything from one of the doll's old phones/computers. The resulting hull was a collection of nudes (both his and her's), videos of her stripping and fapping, pictures of both their IDs and a voice recording of the doll crying after Peter seemingly cheated on her.

GET 'EM WHILE THEY'RE STILL ONLINE!

Examples About missing Pics

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Other Endeavors[edit]

A pixel art platformer, how refreshing

Peter is a jack of all trades and has various other (failed) projects.

Radio: Between 2003 and 2006 Peter was a shock-jock at a rock station called WIRX in Benton Harbor (Michigan).
It was not funny.

Videos: Peter has come out with two DVDs that nobody cares about and nobody wants to buy. The first, "The Stupid Show: An American Dream", is clearly a quality production based on the fact its IMDB page has one line of text and no pictures. The second, "Peter Coffin is a Douche", is another comedy abortion and you would sooner find the lost city of Atlantis than you would someone who watched it. To try and drum-up interest, Peter has been inserting himself into Nick Cage movies and trying to pass it off as some hilarious prank. The saddest part is that a couple of wikis list this as Peter's greatest success. And they are correct.

Music: Peter has two, unfunny "rap" albums. The albums are called "Audio Diarrhea" from 2002 and "Feces Statues" from 2003 and according to one site, in the 13 years since they came out they have had less than 1,000 listens.

Medium 'Thinkpieces' Never one to miss a ploy for attention, Peter turned to writing blog posts on the blog site Medium, using these posts as a forum to vent his deep, philosophical and poltical ramblings, because the opinions of a 31 year old college drop-out who made up his own girlfriend on Twitter are really something people value. Topics range from a variety of SJW talking points, essentially the blog posts are just Peter's Twitter sperg outs in blog form, possibly monetised because an opportunity to get petty cash is another ploy Peter never misses.

In picture: A wasted life

Game company: It turns out Peter was working on a shitty indie game called "Hipstairs" (because everyone knows all good games are based on stupid puns) with someone named James Hartley. This might explain why he is now trying to suck Zoe Quinn's dick in hopes of using her connections. The game had about half a dozen social media accounts, a "company" they expected to use when making future games but no actual game. In the end they were able to produce less than 30 seconds worth of gameplay footage, never even finished level one and the last update was two years ago. The game was the most generic shit you could ever imagine.

“	HIPSTAIRS: The Way Retro Platformer You Knew Before It Was Cool. Trendy friends trapped in a labyrinth through a portal opened by a cursed vinyl collection in the back room of an indie record store.	„
—HIPSTER AS FUCK

MineCraft Autism: If you've read the rest of this article by now you have probably come to the conclusion that it's safe to assume that Peter is autistic (and that's before I even told you he has a fucking obsession with Sonic). But to truly gauge the scope of his aspieness one must look at his Minecraft creations, which are so extensive they warranted separate pages for both him and his work on a wiki about the "Scotland" server, where he built an entire town he called "Coffinshire" that contains a replica of Jersey Shore.