DatingEra - This isn't like one of your animes

smisk

Member
Oct 27, 2017
844
Eh personally I think it's better to be honest. When my partner asked me how many people I had been with a few months after we were dating I kinda panicked and said something vague that wasn't really truthful. A few months later I told her the truth and she appreciated it. You don't want to have to keep up the lie for your entire relationship. Though it proabably wouldn't hurt to wait a couple months, or see if it comes up again.
 

NameUser

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,258
Wait it out then, since I've already started the lie.

I have no plans to really ask her about her history, so when I feel things are going well enough that it will hopefully not be an issue I will tell her.
I don't think it will be because a lot of people would do the same. Our society looks at you strange when you haven't had sex by a certain age. I lost my virginity at 18, but afterwards I went 4 years without having sex again and I felt shameful. So I lied whenever asked.

But yeah, obviously you want to come clean eventually.
 

Squiddo ᔦꙬᔨ

https://www.resetera.com/data/avatars/l/9/9971.jpg
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
9,743
Netherlands
User Banned (Permanent): Engaging in unacceptable misconduct.
Now that my dad has recovered from kidney failure and that i put that last relationship fully behind me.

I feel like in a state of trying dating again but i set some new rules to make sure i wont get fooled again by ppl lying about their true age. If i meet a foreign person online i wanna see id card. Cuz seriuously i aint going through that blind faith nonsense ever again turned out my last gf lied about her age that literally is the reason i am clear and fine she told everyone the truth and relationship ended and we blocked each other and moved on.

So yeah thats why i make sure next time to ask for a confirmation of age sure it might sound silly but its better to avoid this ever happening again. And besides i dont think its that weird if the person is met online and lives far away. If they ask why ill just say the truth.

Personally as i soon have a job again ill probably just go to local bars i prefer that way over dating sites those just feel a bit forced to me i prefer meetin someone irl.

Thats why i am actually glad to have a job finally soon so that i put myself out more.

It probably wont be that hard to find someone since i am quite good looking other people say so too. And i agree tbh.

Yeah i am glad that rollercoaster got resolved and i ofcourse learned my lesson. To always freakin ask for proof of age with long distance relationships.

She lied btw cuz she knew i would not date her if she told her true age so when after months she finally told the truth i was like sorry cant do this and made sure her family knew what happened so she would not try to get me back or anything like that and also can just move on with her life.

I forgave her cuz young peeps do stupid shit all the time and i shouldve asked for proof of her age.

Honestly my dad gettin a kidney transplant around the time of this drama happening was a good timing so i could focus on him and mentally sort myself out to make sure this wont happen twice as in another time.
Its not like i am proud of it. And i am glad it got sorted out in a way both of us can move on.

My dad jokes well next time squiddo make sure they are 18+ and while he makes light of the situation i agree like askin proof of age is not that crazy. I know that as a pretty good lookin fella teen girls could get interested too and ill make sure to never make that mistake again and be fooled by that age lie ever again.

As i said earlier when in doubt ill ask for id or passport. Better be safe then sorry and end up in jail. This time i was lucky as ppl understood the situation and it was a eye opener to be more open eyed. No matter what never ever ill date someone under legal age again and drop my guard down.

I have got it printed in my head
"Squiddo ask proof of age before dating no matter what" and thats exactly what my dad told me he even said well if they are from anothrr country let them come to you or have em send a pic of their id before you start a relationship.


Sorry for the rambling but yeah just wanted to be honest about what happened and i posted earlier about it on era so might aswell have a full post about it to clear it up incase it ever backfires me somehow.

[selfie of user removed]

Random selfie of me since i dont like lying and talking bs.

But yeah i promised myself to never make that mistake again and o am very glad the situation ended decently for us both. I am not mad tbh at all just dissapointed in myself i got fooled and shouldve been more carefull and just asked for her damn id or something. But tbh while i wont use it as a full excuse my dad was horribly ill at the time so i let my guard down a lil.

My family and friends say shit happens and as she lied about her age your not fully to blame sure it was stupid of you but dont worry just make sure next time to check better and get that age proof and all is fine dont stress to much about it.

While i agree with them i still feel shit about it all but tbh i think thats actually a good thing wich will make sure i am more aware next time with meetin ppl online.

Its been like 6 months now and i finally can move on mentally and personally from the mess what happened. In that time i helped my dad with his recovery and made sure to think of things and how to handle things better and more adult like in the future. I also admire my family and friends and other peeps they were really supportive.

I actually had suicide thoughts at first cuz i felt like i was a huge failure but words of my family and friends made me reconsider that thought. Sure it will always taunt me in a way but its not worth takin my life for. That taunt can actually work in a good way wich means being more carefull with dating.

Tbh believe me even admitting this all is hard for me but tbh i dont wanna lie about it cuz thats worse.

Tbh in the end both of us are too blame and i accept that. We both were really stupid and thats saying it nicely. Tbh i am thankfull for her and her family that they gave me a second chance basically cuz otherwise i could actually be in jail.

Honestly thats why i am not mad at her or have hsrd feelings she told the full truth about the situation. And dw we blocked each other forever.

A while ago she contacted me dispite that and wanted to be friends but i said its better to just leave this all behind us. Like i couldve said yes but this time i wanted to make a good decision and i think cutting of contact with this girl is just that.

I ofcourse told her why its better and she understood luckily.

Now im done rambling truly sorry xd but might aswell tell the whole truth as i posted earlier about it in this thread and on era.

Personally i am really thankfull of the peeps that supported me i might have not be here without em.

Believe me i am not proud this all happened and itll stick with me forever.

Tbh i am crying a little now cuz tbh my dad kinda saved my life on this one while he was deadly ill he was the most relaxed about it all. And was like son dont fret it shit happens just make sure to be more cautiones nex time you are no pedo this could happen to anyone son dont let it consume you.

Well thats all its my own burden to life with but yeah i can give it a place now and be a better and more carefull person.

But yep squiddo ask for that damn id before you date online or long distance. And tbh even irl when in doubt while going out better be safe than sorry.

Sorry for the big post but i felt like atleast fully typing this out especially since i talked about it earlier on era without much context wich actually can work out badly.

But yeah not proud that i dated a minor.
I truly shouldve asked for proof age.
It was stupid as fuck of me.
But its a very hard life lesson for me.
Ill make sure it never happens again even not by being fooled or lied to. Like if someone doesnt want to show their id or passport or amy proof of age that should be a red flag and then immediatly be avoided.

Now im done rambling but yeah thats the full story tbh. I really needed to get that out even if it makes me look bad.

And i thank my dad for being there for me same for friends and some random peeps. Without them i might have actually ended my life but their support and words of wisdom made me reconsider any suicide attempts i had.

Hopefully my post will make people a lil more carefull aswell its better to avoid this kind of situation at all. Its not worth it.

Thank you for readin.
Cheers.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Messofanego

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,044
Squiddo ᔦꙬᔨ Glad you didn't try to get back and broke it all off, respect. Long distance relationships are super hard, so yeah good on you for wanting to date irl. Are you not getting any dates through dating apps? Whereabouts are you located?
 
Oct 25, 2017
4,741
China
She nearly 18 me 23, yeah a bit of a age gap but we are both fine with it.

I know it can be rough but i am glad taking a boat/ferry trip to england is not that expensive from here so i dont mind it at all.

Also planning to go on a vacation with her to greece or turkey next year or so and have a nice time together.

Honestly i don't mind it cuz we really like/love each other alot so i will give it a fair change.

besides thanks to my adhd meds my anxiety of being in a relationship etc is finally gone. She has light autism so we both have something but luckily she is fine cuz believe me i know a mental unstable person would be no good for me and would drain me.

I am excited for whats to come and really happy with her. So yeah ill give this relationship a fair go.
UPDATE

Well i guess things are going good so far cuz my gf wants to lose her you know what to me. Welp time to go to london soon again :P nah but really we have so much in common and we talk al day + the sexual tension is just insane too xd. Like we are on one line.

To meet a gf thanks to a game you love (splatoon) and on twitter lol. Funnily enough if i never asked for her friend code we never would have started talking :)

I am from the Netherlands btw so luckily going to london from time to time does not break the bank.

Honestly i am the happiest ive ever been.
We are both heavily into eachother.

And she thinks i look hot af aswell xd but luckily she also loves my personality. Tbh i can't complain looks wise i just suck at dating :p so i am happy this happened.
Really unexpected but very happy :)

So yeah a very positive update :)
She is sooooo cute and ah a girl that likes gaming and splatoon too, i truly love her and she me too.

*heart shaped eyes*
OK so let me get this right as your story will be read from an American perspective and as you and her are both in Europe that "underage" moves the bar way further than it does in the USA for being underage. She said she was 18, then you found out she was underage. Age of consent in the U.K. Is 16, so the oldest she could be and also be underage is 15.

So your saying that as a 23 year old you dated a 15 year old girl (or maybe younger) and could not tell? There's a massive difference between 15 and 18! You're 23 that's a minimum 8 years difference. Literally anyone that saw you could tell, talking to her for any length of time would tell you.
 

Notaskwid

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,410
Osaka
Im glad you're better and all, but that post is like


Please dont ask for people's id online, wtf
If you meet someone in a bar will you also card them?
 
Nov 17, 2017
5,878
Ill make sure it never happens again even not by being fooled or lied to. Like if someone doesnt want to show their id or passport or amy proof of age that should be a red flag and then immediatly be avoided.
Sorry for what happened but I don't think it's a good idea to be asking people for proof of age before you date them. It's likely to turn off people who would otherwise be into you because it's a personally invasive thing to ask of a stranger and a show of distrust. I know if I was talking to a girl and she was like "before we go further, I need to see your Passport" I would be very suspect of her and uncomfortable. I just think it's going to work against you more than it helps.

I know you're probably feeling extra cautious because of what happened but most people are not going to lie about their age to you because most people don't need to hide their age. Just date normally and most people you meet are not going to be minors. I'm also in my 20s and I never meet teenagers in my day-to-day; it's just not common because my life style is obviously very different from a teenager's. Even then, I think in most cases you're going to be able to tell if someone is a minor just by looking at them. Even then there are other obvious tells like their friends, education, living situation, life style, etc.

Basically, I'm saying it's a non-issue and don't let your prior experience hinder you. If you should take anything away from your experience, it's that you should be cautious of where you find people to date.

OK so let me get this right as your story will be read from an American perspective and as you and her are both in Europe that "underage" moves the bar way further than it does in the USA for being underage. She said she was 18, then you found out she was underage. Age of consent in the U.K. Is 16, so the oldest she could be and also be underage is 15.

So your saying that as a 23 year old you dated a 15 year old girl (or maybe younger) and could not tell? There's a massive difference between 15 and 18! You're 23 that's a minimum 8 years difference. Literally anyone that saw you could tell, talking to her for any length of time would tell you.
Lol, Alwayscrazybacon always got the receipts on everyone.

Yeah, if she was 15 that seems like it would be super obvious. Some people look old for their age but 15?

I'll give Squiddo the benefit of the doubt here since I haven't seen this girl but I will say that when you're playing an online game aimed at kids like Splatoon, the people you meet are much more likely to be kids (and squids.) I know you didn't play Splatoon looking to date someone and it just happened, Squiddo, but that's what I meant about being cautious about where you happen to find people. If you're looking for dates in normal places, you're not going to have this problem.
 

Jaoox

Member
Oct 27, 2017
162
Okay I never expected to post in this thread but here I am...

So I am in a bit of a weird situation... I haven't had a romantic relationship of any kind for a few years. Mostly because I was in a very bad place mentally speaking.
I've had a rough life because of it (I won't go into details but let's just say it took me a while to be in a right state of mind). But recently I've felt more and more ready to try dating again...

So I've made profiles on a few dating sites. And I ended up matching quite quickly with quite a few people on tinder and such (that was a pretty cool confidence boost not gonna lie). And so after a few conversations that went nowhere with some girls, I finally found one that I felt I could meet. She's slightly youger than me (I'm 28, she's 24). And so I asked her out and she said yes immediately. That was very stressing for me obviously but I went for it and met her the same day.
And to my surprise we immediately hit it off. We had the same interests, and I felt I was able to have any kinds of conversations with her. She even said herself that she was surprised by the variety of topics we talked about with honesty.
So because of my background, I felt comfortable telling her in what situation I was in and she told me immediately that she absolutely understood where I was coming from. I really felt she got that it was a tough thing for me.
We ended up going from place to place (and drinking a bit as we went on) and the whole night honestly felt really good. We laughed a lot, talked about tons of stuff along the way etc. She even said to me at many occasions that she thought it was really cool I was able to talk about my issues so freely. It was liberating, you can't even imagine...

At the end of the night I walked her home, we exchanged numbers, told each other good night. It was a really nice feeling.

And now the sucky part...
So, the next day I sent her a small message and... No response.
Immediately I started thinking a billion reasons why she wouldn't... But I thought maybe I didn't wait long enough or w/e.
So I waited a few days.
Nothing from her. So I sent her another one about something we talked about during the night. This time she responded ! But only after a few hours... And it was a run of the mill text with nothing to bounce of off... Let's just say it was not reassuring.

So we're a few days later and still nothing. So I ended up asking her if she wants to meet again. And once again, no response.

I'm really at a loss right now. I could totally understand if she didn't want to meet again. I mean, we all have a reason. Either she wasn't really into me, or she met someone else, or anything. I'd understand. Even with my background, I'm still a grown ass man. I know we're all kinda messed up in a way and we all have our own way of dealing with things.

But not responding at all ?... I really don't get it, especially after the night we had and the things I shared with her.
As she said herself, it was cool being honest and sincere right off the bat. At the same time I really don't want to be annoying and start messaging her all the time. I know how tough it can be for girls when men are too persistent, it can be scary, I've heard lots of crazy stories and I would never want to be "that guy".
So here I am, I don't know what to do... My gut tells me to just give up, but at the same time I really felt that it could be the start of something cool...

Sorry about the huge wall of text :|
 

Addie

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,001
D.C.
Okay I never expected to post in this thread but here I am...

So I am in a bit of a weird situation... I haven't had a romantic relationship of any kind for a few years. Mostly because I was in a very bad place mentally speaking.
I've had a rough life because of it (I won't go into details but let's just say it took me a while to be in a right state of mind). But recently I've felt more and more ready to try dating again...

So I've made profiles on a few dating sites. And I ended up matching quite quickly with quite a few people on tinder and such (that was a pretty cool confidence boost not gonna lie). And so after a few conversations that went nowhere with some girls, I finally found one that I felt I could meet. She's slightly youger than me (I'm 28, she's 24). And so I asked her out and she said yes immediately. That was very stressing for me obviously but I went for it and met her the same day.
And to my surprise we immediately hit it off. We had the same interests, and I felt I was able to have any kinds of conversations with her. She even said herself that she was surprised by the variety of topics we talked about with honesty.
So because of my background, I felt comfortable telling her in what situation I was in and she told me immediately that she absolutely understood where I was coming from. I really felt she got that it was a tough thing for me.
We ended up going from place to place (and drinking a bit as we went on) and the whole night honestly felt really good. We laughed a lot, talked about tons of stuff along the way etc. She even said to me at many occasions that she thought it was really cool I was able to talk about my issues so freely. It was liberating, you can't even imagine...

At the end of the night I walked her home, we exchanged numbers, told each other good night. It was a really nice feeling.

And now the sucky part...
So, the next day I sent her a small message and... No response.
Immediately I started thinking a billion reasons why she wouldn't... But I thought maybe I didn't wait long enough or w/e.
So I waited a few days.
Nothing from her. So I sent her another one about something we talked about during the night. This time she responded ! But only after a few hours... And it was a run of the mill text with nothing to bounce of off... Let's just say it was not reassuring.

So we're a few days later and still nothing. So I ended up asking her if she wants to meet again. And once again, no response.

I'm really at a loss right now. I could totally understand if she didn't want to meet again. I mean, we all have a reason. Either she wasn't really into me, or she met someone else, or anything. I'd understand. Even with my background, I'm still a grown ass man. I know we're all kinda messed up in a way and we all have our own way of dealing with things.

But not responding at all ?... I really don't get it, especially after the night we had and the things I shared with her.
As she said herself, it was cool being honest and sincere right off the bat. At the same time I really don't want to be annoying and start messaging her all the time. I know how tough it can be for girls when men are too persistent, it can be scary, I've heard lots of crazy stories and I would never want to be "that guy".
So here I am, I don't know what to do... My gut tells me to just give up, but at the same time I really felt that it could be the start of something cool...

Sorry about the huge wall of text :|
She did respond. Just not with specific words.

You did the right thing by explicitly asking her out again. The ball’s in her court. But it doesn’t seem that she’s interested.

Move on, and don’t disclose all of your issues on a first date next time.
 

SchuckyDucky

Avenger
Nov 5, 2017
1,897
Okay I never expected to post in this thread but here I am...

So I am in a bit of a weird situation... I haven't had a romantic relationship of any kind for a few years. Mostly because I was in a very bad place mentally speaking.
I've had a rough life because of it (I won't go into details but let's just say it took me a while to be in a right state of mind). But recently I've felt more and more ready to try dating again...

So I've made profiles on a few dating sites. And I ended up matching quite quickly with quite a few people on tinder and such (that was a pretty cool confidence boost not gonna lie). And so after a few conversations that went nowhere with some girls, I finally found one that I felt I could meet. She's slightly youger than me (I'm 28, she's 24). And so I asked her out and she said yes immediately. That was very stressing for me obviously but I went for it and met her the same day.
And to my surprise we immediately hit it off. We had the same interests, and I felt I was able to have any kinds of conversations with her. She even said herself that she was surprised by the variety of topics we talked about with honesty.
So because of my background, I felt comfortable telling her in what situation I was in and she told me immediately that she absolutely understood where I was coming from. I really felt she got that it was a tough thing for me.
We ended up going from place to place (and drinking a bit as we went on) and the whole night honestly felt really good. We laughed a lot, talked about tons of stuff along the way etc. She even said to me at many occasions that she thought it was really cool I was able to talk about my issues so freely. It was liberating, you can't even imagine...

At the end of the night I walked her home, we exchanged numbers, told each other good night. It was a really nice feeling.

And now the sucky part...
So, the next day I sent her a small message and... No response.
Immediately I started thinking a billion reasons why she wouldn't... But I thought maybe I didn't wait long enough or w/e.
So I waited a few days.
Nothing from her. So I sent her another one about something we talked about during the night. This time she responded ! But only after a few hours... And it was a run of the mill text with nothing to bounce of off... Let's just say it was not reassuring.

So we're a few days later and still nothing. So I ended up asking her if she wants to meet again. And once again, no response.

I'm really at a loss right now. I could totally understand if she didn't want to meet again. I mean, we all have a reason. Either she wasn't really into me, or she met someone else, or anything. I'd understand. Even with my background, I'm still a grown ass man. I know we're all kinda messed up in a way and we all have our own way of dealing with things.

But not responding at all ?... I really don't get it, especially after the night we had and the things I shared with her.
As she said herself, it was cool being honest and sincere right off the bat. At the same time I really don't want to be annoying and start messaging her all the time. I know how tough it can be for girls when men are too persistent, it can be scary, I've heard lots of crazy stories and I would never want to be "that guy".
So here I am, I don't know what to do... My gut tells me to just give up, but at the same time I really felt that it could be the start of something cool...

Sorry about the huge wall of text :|
I would move on at this point. I’m sure she had a great time with you, but just because she did doesn’t mean she wants to take it any further. It’s also best not to dwell on why that could be, could be for a variety of reasons, like you said. Ghosting is pretty common in Online Dating, at least in my (admittedly limited) experience. It’s just something you have to get used to.
 

Movement

Member
Jan 17, 2019
4
Okay I never expected to post in this thread but here I am...

So I am in a bit of a weird situation... I haven't had a romantic relationship of any kind for a few years. Mostly because I was in a very bad place mentally speaking.
I've had a rough life because of it (I won't go into details but let's just say it took me a while to be in a right state of mind). But recently I've felt more and more ready to try dating again...

So I've made profiles on a few dating sites. And I ended up matching quite quickly with quite a few people on tinder and such (that was a pretty cool confidence boost not gonna lie). And so after a few conversations that went nowhere with some girls, I finally found one that I felt I could meet. She's slightly youger than me (I'm 28, she's 24). And so I asked her out and she said yes immediately. That was very stressing for me obviously but I went for it and met her the same day.
And to my surprise we immediately hit it off. We had the same interests, and I felt I was able to have any kinds of conversations with her. She even said herself that she was surprised by the variety of topics we talked about with honesty.
So because of my background, I felt comfortable telling her in what situation I was in and she told me immediately that she absolutely understood where I was coming from. I really felt she got that it was a tough thing for me.
We ended up going from place to place (and drinking a bit as we went on) and the whole night honestly felt really good. We laughed a lot, talked about tons of stuff along the way etc. She even said to me at many occasions that she thought it was really cool I was able to talk about my issues so freely. It was liberating, you can't even imagine...

At the end of the night I walked her home, we exchanged numbers, told each other good night. It was a really nice feeling.

And now the sucky part...
So, the next day I sent her a small message and... No response.
Immediately I started thinking a billion reasons why she wouldn't... But I thought maybe I didn't wait long enough or w/e.
So I waited a few days.
Nothing from her. So I sent her another one about something we talked about during the night. This time she responded ! But only after a few hours... And it was a run of the mill text with nothing to bounce of off... Let's just say it was not reassuring.

So we're a few days later and still nothing. So I ended up asking her if she wants to meet again. And once again, no response.

I'm really at a loss right now. I could totally understand if she didn't want to meet again. I mean, we all have a reason. Either she wasn't really into me, or she met someone else, or anything. I'd understand. Even with my background, I'm still a grown ass man. I know we're all kinda messed up in a way and we all have our own way of dealing with things.

But not responding at all ?... I really don't get it, especially after the night we had and the things I shared with her.
As she said herself, it was cool being honest and sincere right off the bat. At the same time I really don't want to be annoying and start messaging her all the time. I know how tough it can be for girls when men are too persistent, it can be scary, I've heard lots of crazy stories and I would never want to be "that guy".
So here I am, I don't know what to do... My gut tells me to just give up, but at the same time I really felt that it could be the start of something cool...

Sorry about the huge wall of text :|
I'm not really adding anything here but just to include my voice as well. Like another poster has said, she did respond (by not responding). It sucks, but it happens All. The. Time. Gotta move on and keep meeting up with new people until something clicks and they are as excited as you are to be together. I've admittedly done this to people as well. Even if I had a good time, I may not want to see them again, but it hurts sometimes to be incredibly blunt, and her lack of response is a response. Also don't spill your life story on a first date, it's too much to handle right away. Save it for partners.
 

Jaoox

Member
Oct 27, 2017
162
I'm not really adding anything here but just to include my voice as well. Like another poster has said, she did respond (by not responding). It sucks, but it happens All. The. Time. Gotta move on and keep meeting up with new people until something clicks and they are as excited as you are to be together. I've admittedly done this to people as well. Even if I had a good time, I may not want to see them again, but it hurts sometimes to be incredibly blunt, and her lack of response is a response. Also don't spill your life story on a first date, it's too much to handle right away. Save it for partners.

I get what you mean but I didn't really "spill my life story". It just happened that the conversation went in that direction and I felt confortable enough to share some of it. I've always been very honest with people. I guess that's not always good... *sigh*
I just wish she would just tell me. I get it happens all the time but I still feel it's kinda messed up honestly.

Thanks for the responses btw. You confirmed what I thought and yeah... It's a bummer but I'll live.
 

Movement

Member
Jan 17, 2019
4
I get what you mean but I didn't really "spill my life story". It just happened that the conversation went in that direction and I felt confortable enough to share some of it. I've always been very honest with people. I guess that's not always good... *sigh*
I just wish she would just tell me. I get it happens all the time but I still feel it's kinda messed up honestly.

Thanks for the responses btw. You confirmed what I thought and yeah... It's a bummer but I'll live.
It is a little messed up, and I definitely understand the feeling, I've been there more than once. Sorry about the "spilling your whole life" spiel, I don't have context and such as to how the conversation develops. Just keep that in mind when you're talking about yourself to someone new. Not everyone wants and/or can handle such emotionally draining topics all the time. I would at the very least just maybe hint about your emotional health, if they want to know more, it'll come out at later dates.

But I wish you well in future dates! Online dating felt like both a godsend and a curse, at various times. It definitely comes in waves. Keep us updated :)
 

AdaWong

Member
Nov 1, 2017
1,019
Raccoon City
Help me, Era fam!

Leon is apparently in an open relationship, and it goes without saying that I really like him too much to not try my luck even though I'm a monogamous kinda person. Which brings me to the question I have about open relationships: for anyone that is in one, please help me understand as I sincerely want to gain a better perspective on this rather than stay ignorant. I tried to put myself in the open-relationship shoes and I couldn't figure out a scenario where I would be in one and at the same time still 100% love my partner romantically. I mean, if they're okay with me screwing around behind their back and I'm okay with them screwing someone else; there could potentially be a spark coming off of that intercourse that could develop to something more. It's not even about insecurity/jealousy, but it gives me the sense that with open relationship neither is "committed" to the other, so it screams unstable ground to me.

So if you're in a poly relationship, do you honestly love your partner on a romantic/intimate level, or do you just really like their company and are so comfortable with them in your life that you just don't want to lose them, but in reality you don't really have a romantic attachment; and you're more like best friends. And since it's classified as an "open relationship" it would give you the comfort of that best friendship remaining eternal or "forever", just like a romantic relationship.
 

Zeyphersan

Avenger
Oct 26, 2017
4,344
California
Alright so... vain question. It’s looking very likely that I’m gonna have to get braces soon. How ridiculous does that look on a 25 year old? I feel it’s gonna make me look more juvenile than I already do.

Should have just done it when I was 15 goddammit.
 
Oct 25, 2017
4,741
China
Alright so... vain question. It’s looking very likely that I’m gonna have to get braces soon. How ridiculous does that look on a 25 year old? I feel it’s gonna make me look more juvenile than I already do.

Should have just done it when I was 15 goddammit.
Short term pain, long term gain. I've seen modern braces that are not all that visible made with transparent plastics, so you could get those. Just roll with it, anyone rejects you for having braces is someone you don't want to be dating anyway.
 

Jzeero

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,248
California
Alright so... vain question. It’s looking very likely that I’m gonna have to get braces soon. How ridiculous does that look on a 25 year old? I feel it’s gonna make me look more juvenile than I already do.

Should have just done it when I was 15 goddammit.
Eh fuck it. You're looking at perfect teeth in the future. Teeth make a huuuuuge difference in someone's overall attractiveness.
 

nickyang

Member
Oct 27, 2017
104
hey dating/drunk gaf

have you ever been in a relationship where it seems that you're just so much more into her than her into you

i mean the relationship itself is pretty healthy (we get along, great convos, everything) but it seems im always initiating stuff vs her. is this just a personality thing or idk maybe im overthinking it
 

Sunster

The Fallen
Oct 5, 2018
1,950
hey dating/drunk gaf

have you ever been in a relationship where it seems that you're just so much more into her than her into you

i mean the relationship itself is pretty healthy (we get along, great convos, everything) but it seems im always initiating stuff vs her. is this just a personality thing or idk maybe im overthinking it
I was in a relationship like that. And like you it was great. But she turned the love off like a light switch when she met someone else and left me. She was able to do that A) because that's just the type of person she is. B) because she wasn't as invested in the relationship as I was. I didn't see that red flag at the time because love goggles but looking back it was obvious. So just be aware.
 

Spinluck

Avenger
Oct 26, 2017
5,939
Florida
Alright so... vain question. It’s looking very likely that I’m gonna have to get braces soon. How ridiculous does that look on a 25 year old? I feel it’s gonna make me look more juvenile than I already do.

Should have just done it when I was 15 goddammit.
I just got my braces off at 26

Don't think it affected my dating life much.
 

Jzeero

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,248
California
hey dating/drunk gaf

have you ever been in a relationship where it seems that you're just so much more into her than her into you

i mean the relationship itself is pretty healthy (we get along, great convos, everything) but it seems im always initiating stuff vs her. is this just a personality thing or idk maybe im overthinking it
You probably have different love languages. I wouldn't be able to be in that relationship though, I hate always having to initiate everything.
 

Zeyphersan

Avenger
Oct 26, 2017
4,344
California
Short term pain, long term gain. I've seen modern braces that are not all that visible made with transparent plastics, so you could get those. Just roll with it, anyone rejects you for having braces is someone you don't want to be dating anyway.
Eh fuck it. You're looking at perfect teeth in the future. Teeth make a huuuuuge difference in someone's overall attractiveness.
Thanks you two.

hey dating/drunk gaf

have you ever been in a relationship where it seems that you're just so much more into her than her into you

i mean the relationship itself is pretty healthy (we get along, great convos, everything) but it seems im always initiating stuff vs her. is this just a personality thing or idk maybe im overthinking it
Talk to her about that. “Hey, I feel like I’m always initiating anything we do. It makes me feel that I’m putting more effort in, and I’m really interested in doing things that you want to do, too”

I just got my braces off at 26

Don't think it affected my dating life much.
Thanks, that actually helps
 

Notaskwid

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,410
Osaka
Probably Plenty of Fish with a subscription. It’s basically saying “I don’t think you’re attractive enough to even read your message”. I’ve noticed it on about a third of the women I’ve messaged.
Oh I see. Here in Japan, where all the good non international apps are paid (for men) the read or not thing is reserved to an even more expensive tier lol
 

TheMadTitan

Member
Oct 27, 2017
4,745
Alright so... vain question. It’s looking very likely that I’m gonna have to get braces soon. How ridiculous does that look on a 25 year old? I feel it’s gonna make me look more juvenile than I already do.

Should have just done it when I was 15 goddammit.
The lady I'm interested in has braces. She's still sexy AF with them.

Braces don't matter to people as much as you think.
 
Oct 25, 2017
4,741
China
Probably Plenty of Fish with a subscription. It’s basically saying “I don’t think you’re attractive enough to even read your message”. I’ve noticed it on about a third of the women I’ve messaged.
An inbox of full messages titled "Hi" "hey" "Your gorgeous" will do that. Give the title something crazy and you'll get more reads. Rainbow Starfish or odd title like that.
 

PaulloDEC

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,317
Australia
Probably Plenty of Fish with a subscription. It’s basically saying “I don’t think you’re attractive enough to even read your message”. I’ve noticed it on about a third of the women I’ve messaged.
Bingo. At least glance at my profile before deleting me, I put work into that thing.

An inbox of full messages titled "Hi" "hey" "Your gorgeous" will do that. Give the title something crazy and you'll get more reads. Rainbow Starfish or odd title like that.
Unfortunately there's no subject line on Plenty of Fish, just the message itself.
 

TearablePuns

Member
Oct 26, 2017
4,379
Florida
Yeah, I’m actually getting my braces off tomorrow after almost two years and I’m 28.
I’ve been with some of the coolest girls during that time, so I don’t feel like it affected my dating.
Besides, you’d be surprised how many girls love guys with braces. I had no idea that was a thing but it is lol
 

chezzymann

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,454
so yeah shes fucking crazy lol. I told her I was fine talking to her on the phone for an hour or so each day (instead of 6pm until she falls asleep like she wants to) so i could have time talk to other people like friends or family, or to just decompress a bit. She started saying things like "you just dont like talking to me do you" and "family and friends cant have sex with you". And now shes intentionally taking a long time to reply to my text messages to give me "space" when i was talking about calling, not texting.

Probably wont need to remove the spongebob sheets now :P
 

Chiaroscuro

Member
Oct 25, 2017
923
so yeah shes fucking crazy lol. I told her I was fine talking to her on the phone for an hour or so each day (instead of 6pm until she falls asleep like she wants to) so i could have time talk to other people like friends or family, or to just decompress a bit. She started saying things like "you just dont like talking to me do you" and "family and friends cant have sex with you". And now shes intentionally taking a long time to reply to my text messages to give me "space" when i was talking about calling, not texting.

Probably wont need to remove the spongebob sheets now :P
Sounds a lot immature. Probably best to avoid. But change the sheets anyway :-)

Hey guys, I need advice. I am an 46 old guy divorced 2 years ago and no meaningful relantionship after. Kind of out of the game. I need to jump in the online dating apps because clearly my normal circle of social interactions isn´t work for me in that regard. Hard to do since no experience in online dating and kind of shy and introverse.

Tips to set up a profile? Should I mention I have two small kids?

I may post some text/photos in discord for feedback if that is a good idea.

Thanks.
 

Zeyphersan

Avenger
Oct 26, 2017
4,344
California
so yeah shes fucking crazy lol. I told her I was fine talking to her on the phone for an hour or so each day (instead of 6pm until she falls asleep like she wants to) so i could have time talk to other people like friends or family, or to just decompress a bit. She started saying things like "you just dont like talking to me do you" and "family and friends cant have sex with you". And now shes intentionally taking a long time to reply to my text messages to give me "space" when i was talking about calling, not texting.

Probably wont need to remove the spongebob sheets now :P
6pm until she falls asleep? Every night??

Yeah, no. Give her the ultimate space by just not texting her anymore.
 

Jzeero

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,248
California
so yeah shes fucking crazy lol. I told her I was fine talking to her on the phone for an hour or so each day (instead of 6pm until she falls asleep like she wants to) so i could have time talk to other people like friends or family, or to just decompress a bit. She started saying things like "you just dont like talking to me do you" and "family and friends cant have sex with you". And now shes intentionally taking a long time to reply to my text messages to give me "space" when i was talking about calling, not texting.

Probably wont need to remove the spongebob sheets now :P
Don't make this needy chick your girlfriend under any circumstances, I've made that mistake. Thick legs make me make bad decisions.
 

Gotdatmoney

Member
Oct 28, 2017
6,813
so yeah shes fucking crazy lol. I told her I was fine talking to her on the phone for an hour or so each day (instead of 6pm until she falls asleep like she wants to) so i could have time talk to other people like friends or family, or to just decompress a bit. She started saying things like "you just dont like talking to me do you" and "family and friends cant have sex with you". And now shes intentionally taking a long time to reply to my text messages to give me "space" when i was talking about calling, not texting.

Probably wont need to remove the spongebob sheets now :P
Throw those sheets out regardless. Or burn them. Either way dispose of them