Summoner Yuna
Many fans of anime and video game series have at some point in their lives experienced the horrors of fangirls, but few of the usual horrid, squealing, yaoi-obsessed junkies can compare to the batshit loony toon that is Summoner Yuna, a.k.a. Mrs_Sephiroth. She is a member of LiveJournal, a regular cosplayer, and founder of AdventChildren.net and the Sephiroth-centered fanclub "Sephyism". Her highly delusional blogs and posts have made enough of an impact to warrant her being run out of various forums and imageboards. A YTMND has even been created in her honor. Anyone who's read two sentences written by her can see that she needs serious help, and probably a hysterectomy to make sure she doesn't breed.
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Sephiroth would kill it, not tap it[edit]
A 30-something-year-old, horrifyingly butt-[f]ugly presumable virgin from the Land Down Under, Summoner Yuna has proclaimed herself the wife of the video game character Sephiroth from the Final Fantasy series of video games. (Even though it is clear to most normal individuals that any "man" with 30 ft. long, off-white hair is a raging ass pirate.) She repeatedly posts juvenile love-love banter such as "I am Sephiroth's Eternal Love" and "My love for you is forever" and "sappy sap sap I want your non-existent cock." According to her, she has also brutally torn off part of Sephiroth's single wing, adamantly insisting the now ½ Winged Angel "gave" it to her as some sort of fucked-up marriage ritual. She also reportedly has a large collection of Sephiroth merchandise. She hints in her blogs what she does with her said collection, the mildest of which involves her rubbing her face all over a picture of him for reasons the average person probably can (but really doesn't want to) fathom. Interestingly enough, despite her insane affection for pixels-and-polygons, she does not embrace the popular theory established by the otakin community that Sephiroth is "real" in some alternate universe. Instead, she insists that Sephiroth isn't real, but her love for him is so. Very. REAL. A shame, considering she'd fit right in with the rest of them.
| —Summoner Yuna, who loves Sephiroth so much she's marrying her RL boyfriend | ||
The Visa[edit]
Reportedly, for many years SY has had the goal to purchase a Visa and eventually move into the United States. However, it's very obvious why she has yet to obtain this goal when one realizes that she buys almost every overpriced piece of shit merchandise Square-Enix releases, especially if it's of Sephiroth. She even buys multiples of the Sephiroth merchandise. Luckily for America, her obsessive spending habits will keep her firmly planted in Aussieland for years to come, since there is no end in sight to Square churning out Sephiroth figures and lame Cloud jewelry.
You can keep her, Australia. EDIT: But we don't want her :( EDIT: Well, keep her in a cage. EDIT: We can't make one big enough... EDIT Then put her in jail EDIT Australia is a big jail right? problem solved. EDIT: All the inmates committed mass suicide after hearing two sentences about Sephiroth. Austrayias has no m0nies!!!!!! :(
Leave Yuna out of this[edit]
She often dresses up for cons as Sephiroth himself or, to the horror of the other attendees, some incarnation of Yuna from Final Fantasy X/X-2. Often going by the screename Summoner Yuna, she proclaims a connection with her as someone she can relate to, and many of her signatures and avatars involve Sephiroth and the character Yuna kissing or getting married, whilst her beloved forum fan-dogs shower her with poorly-drawn Sephiroth x Yuna fanart. How a middle-aged, overweight fangirl with megalomaniacal tendencies can relate to a relatively attractive 17-year-old video game character in love with a whiny blonde bitch who didn't really exist is anyone's guess. Maybe it's the "non-existent boyfriend" part.
DRAMA[edit]
Much like Yu Yevon the Immortal Tick Thing and Sin the Ginormous Thing From Fuck Knows Where, Summoner Yuna is clad in an invincible armor crafted from the members of her equally deluded posse. Having managed to convince a band of lifeless failures even worse off than her that she is actually Sephiroth's wife, they spring to her aid and shield her from nasty, mean flamers and forum critics. Unfortunately, her ego has inflated to the point where comments not even intentionally meant to be insulting or derogatory (i.e. referring to her as a Sephiroth fangirl) will warrant a ravenous backlash from her and her special little helpers. Her most prominent posting spot on ACF, the "Sephyism: To the Promised Land" fanclub thread, is chock full of fawning, brain-dead asskissers ever at her beck and call, perhaps in empty hopes of one day being able to meet the "real" Sephiroth. Truly the anti-MENSA is located in ACF.
Interesting to note is the ACF user Sephiroth. Perhaps a sockpuppet account created for Summoner Yuna to fulfill her twisted role-playing fantasies, perhaps an account managed by a friend who delights in humoring her, or perhaps an account used by her "boyfriend" so he can pretend he is the character she is so very much in love with. However, the former is the most likely scenario, as SY has no real friends, and as a self-deluded land whale with no personality, the odds of her actually exhibiting the level of social skill required to attract a mate are exactly zero.
The posts of Sephiroth often lack proper grammar, and he routinely reveals the "thruths" about the events in the games and movie, because he is of course Sephiroth and he knows everything about FFVII evar. Naturally, most of his claims are proven to be bullshit within the games and movie themselves (i.e., Vincent is Sephrioth's father, the men in Advent Children are his clones, etc.) but hey, who cares, it's in teh internetz so it must be true, right? After realizing he is full of shit and doesn't know what he's talking about, he often wanders into the Sephyism thread, where everyone bows down and worships him because Summoner Yuna tells them to. When not making retarded megalomaniacal one-liner posts, he often exchanges mushy banter with SY, which probably gets her off. Most amusing, though, is his user profile, which lists his interests as "polishing the Masamune" and his occupation as "showing the reality." And what forum signature of a psychotic villain with a vast disregard for all life is complete without...a link to Saving the Tigers. We are truly in the presence of God.
See Also: Sacred Wolf
Sephiroth died for your sins[edit]
Apparently, it wasn't enough that the people on the Sephyism threads pretended that Sephyism is a religion. Some of the more dedicated members relied on Wikipedia as a reliable source of information and did not check their facts, discovering that "Jedi" got recognized as an official religion in some country a few years ago, or something about as ridiculous, and decided that if the fat Star Wars nerds could make a religion out of a fictional medium, then they could too. Now those members are hoping that, if enough people sign an online petition, the Blue Fairy will come down during the night and turn Sephyism into a real religion with a wave of her magic wand. Completely throwing out the spiritual aspect about what makes a religion "real," and assuming that since everyone else technically worships a fictional character anyway, they believe that they can get 50,000 people to sign the petition claiming they want Sephyism to be an official government-recognized religion.
Upon their success, it is assumed they'll establish their own church somewhere, and hold services where Summoner Yuna reads horrible Sephiroth x Yuna fanfics to the congregation while the masses lap her filthy cunt. After that, everyone will sing their only hymn, "One Winged Angel," while furiously masturbating to poorly drawn fanart of Sephiroth, Summoner Yuna, or Sephiroth and Summoner Yuna fucking. However, since Sephyists are fat, lazy Wapanese basement dwellers who would much rather watch Tokyo Mew Mew and eat ramen than step into the sunlight to mingle with other human beings for any event other than a convention, the church will fall apart due to no one attending or giving a shit.
Cloverfield Destroys ACF, Summoner Yuna's EVERLASTING LUV 4 SEFIROF[edit]
In the months since the release of the movie Cloverfield, Summoner Yuna became increasingly obsessed with the pathetically over-hyped film. Apparently unable to resist her massive hard-on for another city-destroying monster, her focus gradually switched from Sephiroth to Cloverfield. First her avatars and signatures turned into Cloverfield-related media and drabble, then she wouldn't fucking shut up about everything Cloverfield on ACF. Her LiveJournal, while still bearing a Sephiroth-themed layout, consisted of posts made entirely of her wanking and masturbating over Cloverfield news and all the shitty overpriced Cloverfield merchandise she purchased from eBay. While she would still manage to pop up on the forums from time to time, all that changed once the DVD came out.
Rumor has it she completely lost interest in Sephiroth, as his penis no longer satisfied her cavernous vagina. Disappointed, she sought out the oversized cock of the Cloverfield monster, and hid herself away in her home, consuming nothing but Mountain Dew and Cheetos as she watched the Cloverfield DVD on continuous loop. Incidentally, AC.net and the Compilation Network -- as they were dedicated to her "everlasting love for Sephiroth" -- slowly began to crumble.
Soon after, dissatisfied with nothing in particular about the way things were being handled on ACF, she privately began to correspond with a known hacker and arrogant jackass, Sinfinity, propositioning him to clean up the mess she had made of ACF. While he was initially hired as a Technical Administrator for the forums, it was soon revealed to be a cover, as he went fucking crazy wielding SY's notorious Banhammer of Thor, deleting threads, demoting staff, and eventually promoting himself to hold a forum position with almost as much power as SY herself. Not knowing what the fuck was going on at first, the other staff began to panic and desperately tried to contact SY to inform her of the hostile forum takeover by the Nazi technical admin. Of course, SY was too busy shoving Cloverfield action figures in her vagoo and could only be bothered to take out the time to talk to Sinfinity through email about how much her forum sucked and how much Cloverfield rocked.
The Death of ACF[edit]
Summoner Yuna never did reappear to explain the situation, and Sinfinity's idiotic stunt was put to an end when he deleted his account from the forums and mysteriously disappeared. Only a few days later, AC.net and the entire Compilation Network went into downtime. It was later revealed that Summoner Yuna couldn't afford to keep up with the server costs anymore, and like a responsible webmaster she had told absolutely no one that she was having money problems, that the last payment she made for the server bill probably wouldn't go through, and that the site was probably going to go down. Only until after the catastrophe did she reappear, explaining her money woes and urging people to donate their own hard-earned money to restore the site.
The truth of the matter is that she had seemingly spent almost everything on Cloverfield merchandise, and while she was able to afford 26 movie tickets and tons of useless Cloverfield crap, she couldn't be assed to save anything for her websites server costs. After the DVD came out, she couldn't bother to work for more than she needed to buy even more useless Cloverfield shit, either.
As a result, AC.net was eventually moved to another server with promises of full site and forum restoration. Predictably, the site will stay online for about two days and be off the rest of the week. Well it would seem as if the era is over and AC.net is dead for good.
Academic influence[edit]
Yes, you read that right. Recently, a teaching fellow of the "Studies in Religion" Department at the University of Sydney, Australia has written an honest-to-God academic paper about Summoner Yuna (and Sephirothslave, for bonus points!).
This study looks at two young women, calling themselves Mrs Sephiroth and Sephirothslave, whose complicated Soulbond with the villain of the Final Fantasy videogame saga, Sephiroth, was detailed online between 2004-2012 via journals like Sephirothslave’s (aka Julia) Blurty, blogs like Mrs Sephiroth’s (as Summoner Yuna) Dreaming of Sephiroth, and discussions on ‘fanatical’ websites like the page for Sephyism or Sephirothslave’s DeviantArt account. While belief in the divinity of Christ and his ability to commune with chosen people was, and remains relatively normal in Christian society, and likewise within fandoms using the internet to disseminate extra-canonical and imaginative expansions on fictional worlds, stories, and characters is accepted, the narratives weaved by Julian, Margery, Mrs Sephiroth, and Sephirothslave provided such controversial and radical challenges to normative and traditional notions of authority and authenticity, disrupting the bounds of their gender, social status, and identity as a believer/fan, even their humanity, their work has seen them distrusted, denigrated, and even despised by others...
The titles found on the teaching fellow's page suggest that she has presented the aforementioned paper at the Fandom and Religion Conference of the University of Leicester, UK, on 28-30 July 2015. On 18 November 2016, the paper was finally published in a book called Fiction, Invention and Hyper-reality: From popular culture to religion. The work makes mentions of both Summoner Yuna and Sephirothslave and their dubious exploits, and although it contains several inaccuracies (including one instance in which the author mistakes a troll using Summoner Yuna's name to make fun of Sephirothslave as being the real lolcow herself), it offers a brief history of our favorite internet celebrities, forever cementing their legacy as the greatest lolcows of the 2000s.
Random stuff[edit]
- She has only been a fan of the game since about 2001-2002, and only became a fan of Sephiroth about a year afterward when going through some breakup with a boyfriend (big surprise).
- Despite previous posts denying any want or need of a RL or online boyfriend (or girlfriend), she now claims to have a steady boyfriend.
- She also claims said boyfriend also knows of her obsession with and love of Sephiroth. He's no-doubt either a Dollfie or chained up in her basement.
- She is not to be confused with fellow fangirl Sephirothslave, though their misguided affection is eerily similar.
- Despite both of them being on DA, LJ, and Sephirothslave having posted on ACF, as well as efforts by LJ posters to make each aware of the other, only Sephirothslave has acknowledged Summoner Yuna publicly. Summoner Yuna has privately acknowledged Sephirothslave's existence, but refuses to say anything further, much to the grave disappointment of EDiots everywhere, who have long been hoping to see a bloody battle where one or both of them die.
- Due to repeat harassment and flaming, her LJ is now almost entirely friends-only.
- She engages in cybersex activities with a fellow ACF admin (Sacred Wolf) who has Multiple Personality Disorder, one of them being Sephiroth.
- She likes yaoi with Sephiroth in it, but can't stand Sephiroth being paired with female characters. Essentially, she's jealous of fictional girls.
External Links[edit]
- Summoner Yuna's Blogdrive as seen through the Wayback Machine - original blog abandoned
- Summoner Yuna's LJ
- Summoner Yuna's LJ YTMND
- Adventchildren.net - Closed due to lack of funds
- ACForums club Sephyism - dead
- ACForum user Sephiroth's profile - dead
- Pledgebank petition to make Sephyism a real religion
- Sephyism LJ Communityminimal lulz at the moment - lulz factor may increase once more members join
- Summoner Yuna's Facebook
See Also[edit]
- Kathleen Todd, one of Summoner_Yuna's webowners to which she does their websites for. Guess Summoner_Yuna doesn't know how much of a liar she is.
- Final Fantasy
- ACF
- Anime
- fangirls
- otaku
- Techa
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