Internet Disease
Internet Disease (AKA Instagram Voodoo or The Angles) means displaying old, faded, blurred or otherwise non-descript photographs of oneself, taken with bad lighting and at awkward angles, on the Internets in order to make you appear more attractive to people online than you are IRL. Internet disease was invented in 1998 by Natsuki, a reverse weeaboo living in Michigan at the time.
How Internet Disease Works[edit]
An internet diseased photo is taken with the subject standing at an angle, thereby hiding his or her obesity, bald spot, scars, etc. Also the contrast of the photo is increased dramatically in order to obscure unattractive facial features, like acne and the chin.
By using such techniques, which are elucidated in greater detail below, individuals afflicted with the Internet disease are able to conceal the fact that they are an unattractive person, and instead become a figure envied (or, at least, not reviled) by others. In a desperate attempt to look like the victims of Internet disease, admirers use the very same techniques as the admiree(s), thus further propagating the disease.
In 2004, the World Health Organization released statistics showing that over 9,000 teenage girls in the United States alone suffer from Internet disease (ID), over half of which have led to disappointing meetings with IRC and AOL boys. The paper also claimed that ID is especially dangerous because desperate men far too often end up having unprotected sex with female ID sufferers anyway, leading to the birth of many ID-exposed babies, causing the problem to perpetuate. The WHO has emphatically recommended the immediate use of condoms and vasectomies for all men on the Internets, as well as fallopian-tying for all ID female sufferers.
Techniques[edit]
- Fat girl angle shot
- 135° Birds-eye
- 180° Overhead
- High contrast
- Over-saturation
- Over-contrast / brightness
- Low contrast
- Sepia tone (hide acne)
- Black and White (hide everything)
- Photomanip
- Misleading thumbnail
- Sex by association
- Chinstrap
- Old Pics
- If all else fails: Lens flare
Gallery[edit]
When Abraham Lincoln posed for photos he would turn his head to the right to hide the fact that the left side of his face was smaller than the right side.[1]
Some people need to lay the internet disease on pretty thick.
High Contrast example #1.
Internet disease can also be used to cover up genital herpes.
Natsuki, creator of Internet Disease, c. 1998.
Andrewpants showing off Internet disease skills.
Hep showing off non-sufficient internet disease skillz.
Hypnox showing off sufficient internet disease skillz.
R. J. Mitchell, designer of the Supermarine Spitfire, showing off his supreme anachronistic internet disease skillz.
Internet Disease afflicts all age groups. This lady is 61 years old, but the shoddy webcam blurs the wrinkles of time quite nicely.
There is not enough Internet Disease in the world to help Chin-chan.
Typical poser emo/scene kid who tries to cover up her epic fail of a self haircut.
Extreme angle shots to the point where your face is completely obscured gets you lots of compliments on the internet.
Internet disease can only cover up so much, after that it's up to you to hit the treadmill.
High contrast and she still killed herself.
This is what happens when you are desperate for a MySpace photo. She will probably get screwed by every boy in America before she's 16.
sweetthang103 is employing use of high contrast and 'please think I'm thin' upper angle disguise shot.
A rebel who's too cool to care.
The too Jew for a mirror effect.
Also an whore.
Symptoms can show themselves at an early age.
Lulz ensue when a before & after can be found.
More internet disease and jailbait.
Someone ugly attempting to look beautiful.
He did it wrong.
Look at her, trying to fool us into thinking she's hot.
Is that a funhouse mirror?
Aaargh! Where did her face go?
Here the Fat Girl Angle Shot is employed, suggesting that the disease has progressed to Epic Failure.
Norwegian gay Nazi from Mexico
Even famous reporters use the fat girl angle shot.
See Also[edit]
External Links[edit]
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Internet Disease is part of a series on Visit the LiveJournal Portal for complete coverage. |
| Internet Disease is part of a series on serious business |
Serious Concepts
Free Speech • Identity theft • Irony • Internet asshole • Internet Celebrities • Internet disease • Internet drama • Internet humanitarians • Internet Law • Internet lawsuit • Internet lawyer • Internet stalking • Internet tough guy • Internet Vigilante Group • Operation Falcon Punch • Swatting • Title IX • World Wide Web Consortium People & Organizations
2cash • Alan Turing • Casey Serin • David Hockey • Dear Cis People • Doxbin • DREAMers • Fast Eddie • Grace Saunders • Hallcats Squadron • Jessi Slaughter • Kittens • Maja Schmidt • Meek Mill • Missy • Niggest Crook Force • Psychopath • Susan J. Elliott • Vloggerheads • WEB SHERIFF |
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| Featured article November 7, 2005 | ||
| Preceded by At least 100 years ago |
Internet Disease | Succeeded by Ebaumsworld |
