PETA
Furries and vegetarians are already cancerous online, but what if they decided to enter IRL politics and emulate contemporary means of ideological expression used by Muslims and Feminists? Then you get this. People Eating Tasty Animals (or the more politically-correct term People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) is an Organization created in the '80s by a crazy bulldyke named Ingrid Newkirk and her sick fucks, with the twin goals of torturing innocent veal ranchers and pwning rich people by spray-painting peace signs on their (PETA's, not the rich peoples') endangered species fur coats. Unfortunately, the goal was not precious lulz, but to stop people from eating meat and wearing fur, making these would-be excellent IRL trolls just a bunch of hippies with a lame cause, much like Project Chanology. In general, PETA attempts fails to convince people that delicious animals are people too. But any fucktard knows that animals aren't humans, and most animal would eat or enslave us if they could, they're just not evolved enough to do it. PETA is the second largest cause of faggotry in the US next to Furaffinity. Kill them both with fire.
The entire organization is currently $100 million in debt, and is only kept in existence by Satanic influence. In other words, they strive to be the most prominent activist organization in the world, as well as to "save" all the animals in the world so they can butt-rape them themselves. They even have a deviantART page. Go on, you know what to do with it. Don't forget the Peta2 boards.
Contents
Diets[edit]
Unsurprisingly, PETA supports vegans but not vegefags because consuming dairy, fish, eggs, honey, or gelatin means that you support the enslavement of animals. You are also forbidden to wear leather and fur, but it's okay to wear imitation leather and faux fur. If an animal skin is second hand and unpaid for, it's good to go by vegan standards, as is anything purchased prior to 'the conversion', never mind that you would still be perpetuating the style, and therefore, the demand for real leather and fur.
However, despite the innumerable dietary substitutes they must consume to perpetuate there worthless lives, vitamin B12, as well as DHA (the very stuff our brains are made of, hence why developing children need to eat fish) cannot be synthesized without the use of animal tissues. They will endlessly deny this but it is impossible to be a vegan, unless they want to die of Parkinson's Disease like symptoms or have retarded children.
Meet Your Meat (available on PETA TV)[edit]
This video is considered one of the gold standards for upsetting the public with regards to how meat is commercially raised and handled at slaughter. If you handn't been informed about it here, your first contact with it would likely have been when some arrogant vegan with a lot of money to spend on alternatives and time to source them handed you its web address on a flyer. It graphically depicts the details involved for the processing of various different meats. Needless to say, it makes the baby jesus cry.
Someone wishing to speak with an informed opinion when confronting a PETA cult-member would be wise to watch this video. They would also benefit from jewtubing every video on animal slaughter. What they will begin to notice is that not only are a lot of these videos relatively old, there aren't that many and some even include scenes that are found within others. It should become clear to the educated EDiot after viewing some of the more humane slaughtering videos that PETA has either not visited that many slaughter houses or has doctored the footage to show only those with terrible track records. Evidenced by how little unique material there is available on what they suggest to be the normal way every slaughter house operates and the lack of more humane operations taking place in modern, inspected houses. This lack of quantity and variation in the content is quite remarkable for a group of fuckwits who'll put so much effort into terrorizing or assaulting staff, and their families, for so much as delivering supplies to companies handling animals.
Chew on my Chewbacca (also available via PETA TV)[edit]
Chew On This! (cross your arms and point when saying this to be leet) is a newer attempt by PETA to highlight the downsides of eating meat. They begin by discussing the important issue of heart attacks; for which they use two points to make what is effectively one point.
This rapidly descends to telling you meat makes you fat (something which is incorrect based on the biochemistry of digestion), that there is literally shit in prepackaged chicken, that meat is "filthy and bloody" (but vegetables covered in shit, piss and soil, not to mention riddled with insects, fungi and harmful bacteria, aren't the same we can assume - which they eat raw) and that it makes your main drain vein soft (the last vegan this EDiot met hadn't ever had sex, and had his only chance to get some stolen from him by his 'friend', a carnivore).
Things go from bad to worse as the points simply become a list of personal opinions. Of course, this is not without irony when they begin discussing threatening or harming other beings, given their approaches to those involved in these industries.
Point number 10 is of special merit, as this is the same video footage used in the Meet Your Meat video of a cow they show when discussing cancerous growths, which now has BSE as well; or perhaps neither.
If you have read the section above and watched Meat Your Meet, you will immediately recognize the same scenes being used. PETA, with their tomes of evidence on systematic animal cruelty, are still recycling videos that look a decade or more out of date. In fact, the majority of the scenes used in this new bit of propashite are copypasta.
Famous Trolling Escapades[edit]
Jesus was a vegefag[edit]
One of PETA's earlier trolling escapades was their 1999 "Jesus was a vegetarian" campaign. PETA claimed that Jesus lived a natural, vegan life, eating vegetables and rejecting animal sacrifice. Hey, neat idea for a campaign! Except it's not fucking true. According to the Bible, Jesus ate fish and meat on several occasions. A more appropriate stock character would be Hitler, who actually was a vegetarian, but I guess "Hitler was a vegetarian" doesn't sound as appealing.
"Got beer?" campaign[edit]
In 2000, PETA launched their "Got Beer?" campaign, where they encouraged college students to drink beer instead of milk. PETA even claimed that beer is healthier than milk in their effort to prevent harming cows and their precious udders (but did they "fight" to get them cows hammered 24/7? Noooo!). They even sent out promotional bottle openers with the slogan "Drink Responsibly. Don't Drink Milk." Let us reiterate: we're not fucking joking.
Predictably, pretty much everybody lol'd at the idea that liver-damaging, brain-killing beer was healthier than delicious milk, and MADD wasn't too happy that they were promoting the idea of becoming borderline alcoholics/binge drinking to students, so PETA scrapped the campaign.
When this backfired, they replaced the idea of drinking cow's milk with drinking human milk. Many declined.
BTW PETA, cowpox makes you invulnerable to a much more awesome disease called smallpox.
Also, cows enjoy being milked.
Timothy McVeigh[edit]
Timothy McVeigh, the guy who was blowing up buildings full of innocent people (before it became cool) was on death row in 2001. PETA was retarded enough to send a letter to the jail's warden requesting the remainder of McVeigh's meals be vegetarian.
| —Butthurt letter from PETA. | ||
McVeigh responds!
Look, the guy was a deranged lunatic who killed over a hundred people, but he's not fucking retarded enough to agree with PETA. McVeigh replied with a letter pwning PETA, proving that even people who are literally insane aren't insane enough for PETA's bullshit.
| —Tim McVeigh, killer of 168 people: too sane for PETA | ||
Web Games[edit]
PETA has also developed and released several completely fucktarded, protest-oriented games on their peta2 website. Among these include a Mario Bros. knockoff that villainizes Kentucky Fried Chicken and turns the Colonel into some kind of satanic demon wielding a bloody butcher knife, a Cooking Mama game where you graphically decapitate, stuff, and roast a delicious Thanksgiving turkey, and a game where you go on a vandalism spree as a little woodland creature with a can of spray paint. There's also a parody of the indie platformer Super Meat Boy starring his counterpart, "Tofu Boy". It's really amazing that trolls this great are such complete faggots.
What makes these shitty flash knockoffs even worth noting is that game developers have actually reacted to them. Majesco, the company who makes Cooking Mama, released an "interview" with a fictional character, pointing out that more then half of the meals in their games were vegetarian-friendly, effectively disproving PETA's meat-obsessing accusations, and Team Meat, the developers behind Super Meat Boy, not only posted a lulzy blog entry bashing PETA and pointing out that meat boy isn't made of meat, but actually a boy born without skin, but they actually added PETA's Tofu Boy character as a playable character in their game, intentionally making him an unplayable piece of shit
| —Edmund from Team Meat, stating the obvious | ||
Your Daddy Kills Animals[edit]
Sadly lacking in any form of logic or reason, a common tactic for PETA is to scare children into becoming vegetarians.
The heart-warming lesson of this pamphlet is that if your father has ever gutted a fish, taken a ride on a horse, or stroked the cat, then he is sadistic killer in the making - meaning you are next on his list. If you do take a look at the pamphlet, notice that the "daddy" is wearing a suit and tie while gutting fish, not exactly the proper attire. That and the crazy hat and manic face make him look like a bloodthirsty Inspector Gadget. (Go, go Gadget Big Fucking Knife!) Also, he's using a hook big enough to catch swordfish. His gutting technique is completely fucked up as well. You're supposed to lay the fish down on a flat surface and humanely cut the head off, spinal cord first if you can't put it in a creel and wait for it to die. Asians, however, love fish heads, so they would simply rip the fish's guts out.
| —PETA (sauce) |
Sea Kittens[edit]
PETA's latest mind-numbing campaign already has its very own article. The word "fish" should be replaced with the words "sea kittens."
In the spirit of things, in September 2008 a woman painted herself silver and suspended herself in the air with hooks through her back to protest shark fishing. Although not directly connected to PETA, we will blame them anyway. Cause we're cool like that.
We Love You so Much We'll have to Kill You . . .[edit]
- Fact: Out of the 1,997 animals that PETA "rescued" in 2007, [1] (>90%) were put to death for no reason. Doesn't sound very ethical, does it?
- Fact:. PETA has killed at least 21,339 animals as of the end of 2008. Very nice!
PETA's against animal shelters because they keep the animals in cages. I guess euthanizing the animals is "ethical treatment", but caging them isn't.
PETA is against the very idea of humans keeping animals as pets, and honestly believes that pet animals are literally better off dead (people who like to use the word "literally" to mean "figuratively" are welcome to look it up at this point). The systematic, large-scale slaughter of pets in PETA animal "shelters" is the opposite of hypocrisy - it's an act of people who truly believe in the rightness of what they are doing and are prepared to kill in the name of those beliefs.
Save the Hambeasts[edit]
For the summer of 2009, PETA took aim at a particularly vulnerable trolling target, putting up billboards of a bikini-clad fatass and the slogan "SAVE THE WHALES. LOSE THE BLUBBER. GO VEGETARIAN." Predictably, feminist porkers all over the internets flew into a massive, quaking Jell-O mold rage, infuriated by the implication that their six-KFC-buckets-a-day diet might not be entirely healthy and morally defensible.
This represents a potentially wise change of direction for PETA, as they have finally found an opponent even more hypersensitive, irrational, and generally lulzy than they are. Just as long as nobody notices that the fattest animals are typically mostly vegetarian, and those species that eat primarily other animals are the leanest. It's true, vegetation is a food source with wildly varying nutrient content. Relying on only vegetation for food means needing to store enough nutrients to outlast the seasons.••• And enough fat to store it all away in. Animals that eat other animals just don't need all that extra storage space. Herbivore meat is made primarily of the same molecular parts as a meat eater. Burn the extra fat for energy to catch more.
•••Unless you live somewhere where everything grows throughout most of the year. (Or at least within driving distance for an interstate trucker.) Of course, with so many yummy choices around, a vegetarian in California is likely to get fat anyways. Srsly - in most of coastal Southern California, kids grow up having to clear the damned avocados out of the yard before trying to make buck mowing lawns. No shit, true story. Why do you think almost every vegan homeless religious nut flocked there in the 1970s? Hey all you bums, California's full of free food. Hurry! Go eat it up before they mix it with sand and make clean coal in the microwave. Because the last thing the world needs is carbon-neutral clean coal from California!!! There are much more important things to worry about in politics, like...
Hambeasts doing things like getting rich while convincing people they don't deserve to eat meat, or saving a bunch of animals on camera, then having them disposed of by professionals!
It is worth noting that Danny DeVito is a very strict vegetarian, and has been for several years. And just look how fucking fat he is!
Seal Hunt[edit]
Not that anybody gives a shit about Canada. Nobody, that is, but PETA, who have tried their hardest to ban seal hunting in Canada, which is the only way Canadians can survive in the cold hard winter, eh? Anyway, in a desperate attempt to increase ratings, some faggot radio station decided to shove a pie in one of the PETA member's face.
Looks like that fat bitch have already eaten one too many pies. (video baleeted)
PETA asks Obama not to pardon turkeys on Thanksgiving[edit]
In all seriousness, PETA wanted Obama to NOT pardon two turkeys called Cobbler and Gobbler, Jesus or Barrabas style, because
| —Ingrid Newkirk, president of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. | ||
According to Newkirk's logic, since we acknowledge that African-Americans have rights, we need to acknowledge our Thanksgiving Dinner has rights.
If that isn't fucking stupid enough, the year before this bullshit, they wanted the president to use the word "spare", instead of "pardon", as if a change in wording was somehow going to make what was actually going on any damned different.
Needless to say, the White House is planning to ignore these retards, even hardcore vegans think PETA is being fucking ridiculous, and whatever turkey isn't pardoned is going to be eaten for Thanksgiving.
Parodies[edit]
PETA
In 1995, Mike Doughney, an early Web 1.0 troll, registered the peta.org domain name. He then put up a site with cooking recipes called "People Eating Tasty Animals", filled with parodies of PETA and veiled references to their politics.
PETA flipped their shit. They contacted the InterNIC in 1996 and demanded that the peta.org domain name be transferred to them. The InterNIC placed the peta.org domain on hold pending an investigation, before finally granting PETA the domain name in 2001 after deciding Mike was squatting and diluting their trademark.
PWEETA
PWEETA (People Who Enjoy Eating Tasty Animals) simultaneously mocks both PETA and meat-eaters by promoting both the consumption of animal flesh and cannibalism.
| —Particularly since they have no thumbs. | ||
Previous Quote | Next Quote
- www.ooze.com Homepage
- Their Pamphlet
Hilarious Hypocrisy[edit]
In a move that shouldn't surprise anyone who knows about PETA, in 1998, two years after filing suit against a man squatting on their domain name, PETA themselves registered the domains RINGLINGBROTHERS.COM and VOGUEMAGAZINE.COM and put up sites criticizing the circus' treatment of animals and the magazine's printing of fur ads. Eventually, both Ringling Brothers and Vogue contacted PETA, and PETA caved, handing over both URL's. Fucking pussies
Fun Facts[edit]
|
This section is factual.
Fact Cat has verified that every single fact below is real and authentic. We cannot make this shit up. |
- PETA has been protesting Bonsai Kittens, a well known trolling hoax, for over 8 years.
- PETA advocates feeding cats and dogs vegan diets. (even though cats are compulsory carnivores and they can't digest carbohydrates. Therefore cats will store the sugar in their liver and will eventually get diabetes and die).
- PETA tells their followers to boycott Iams because it tests on animals. Iams is a pet food company.
- PETA once launched a campaign linking the consumption of milk to autism. Despite being rightly corrected and called out by every single person on the internet with 2 brain cells to rub together, Newkirk still believes this to be true.
- PETA also sent a letter to the Pet Shop Boys requesting they change their name to the Rescue Shelter Boys.
- PETA, not unlike Scientology, strives to recruit high profile, big name stars to spread their propaganda. One such star is Kimora Lee, despite the fact that her "Baby Phat" clothing line conspicuously features leather and fur trim. However, she donated $20,000US to the PETA War Chest, so PETA thinks that she's aawwwwwriiiight!
Fun Quotes[edit]
| —Coming from the same person who compares pig farming to the holocaust | ||
Previous Quote | Next Quote
Games[edit]
Test your terrorist skills by playing the awesome Fur Fighters right now... high scores save skins.
See external links below for moar.
Gallery[edit]
The animals would be safer in a furry's bedroom.
The actual pamphlet cover itself.
Peta's run by whores
That is not an abortion. It's similar to a period. This is evidence that the lack of proteine reduces the brain's capacity.
And anyone who suggests otherwise is a troll.
Just not yet.
PETA gets butthurt on EQ2Flames. That's right, PETA gets upset over a forum about EverQuest II.
In the same way a human might drink their own piss if they're on the brink of starvation.
Also available for jewish PETAfags.
Only if they're a member of the boob nazis.
Even the tartlets won't buy their bullshit.
They're totally not giant hypocrites or anything.
PETA trying to do a public service by making autistic skulls easier to shatter.
The most humane way to produce pork should be more often used in meat production factories for pleasing PETA.
PETA's attempt to evangelize to Furfags.
The proper way to deal with PETA protesters.
Contact[edit]
If you want to support PETA's antics, please feel free to contact them:
Tel: +44 (0) 207 3579229 ext. 221
Fax: +44 (0) 207 357 0901
Email: RobM@peta.org.uk
Address: P.O. Box 36668 , London , SE1 1WA
Website: PETA.org.uk
And their US contact
Tel: 757-622-PETA (7382)
Fax: 757-622-0457
Address 501 Front St., Norfolk, VA 23510
See Also[edit]
- Animal abuse
- Animal Liberation Front Their military unit
- Beastiality
- Camille Marino
- Dave Warwak
- Environmentalism
- FCKH8
- Irony
- Sea Kittens
- SHARK
- Specism
- Vegan
- Whale Wars
- Xspazztic
External Links[edit]
- PETA2 Boards
- PETA killed 95% of adoptable pets in its care during 2008
- The PETA Files - is it just me, or does it sound an awful lot like pedophiles?
- Some stiff competition here
- A lulzy game trolling Pokéfags
- Trolling Pokéfags 2: McDonald's edition
- Mario's lulzy taxidermy! (my high score is 31 seconds)
peta2 on devianTART- Japanese Bug Fights .com Japanese entertainment at its best.
- People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) The animal rights organization
- asking for it
- Peta-sucks.com
- PETA Kills Animals. OH LAWD!
- PETA TV See how animals get tortured and sluts protest. (UNCENSORED)
- PETA TV:Running of the Nudes 2007 Naked protest.
- On wiki
- Why drinking milk will kill you and everyone you love
- Click for the racist joke, stay to watch the bears being skinned.
- And just for fun . . .
- Fur Fighters Flash
GashGame PETA Killed 95% of Their Pets Last Year- PETA's mission is to be the living embodiement of this strawman fiction cliché
- A thread about a dish called "Bacon Explosion"
C'mon guise - meat isnt THAT bad . . .
|
PETA is part of a series on Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage. |
| Featured article June 30 & July 1, 2011 | ||
| Preceded by LulzSec |
PETA | Succeeded by Rules of the Internet |
