Sir Wulfington
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A disembodied auditory hallucination once said "if you build it they will come," and the moral of that story was apparently instead of going to a mental health clinic, you should totally listen to that voice. And true enough, Encyclopedia Dramatica has been attracting some of the most twisted and strange people on the internet for years. Kind of like the island of misfit toys in the tale of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, only rated NC-17 instead of G. However, every so often, the stars align and in a strange reversal of the usual modus operandi, the lulz find Encyclopedia Dramatica, rather than the other way around.
Enter, Sir Wulfington. An internet man-child with a sordid history who came to EDF2 under the guise of an "artist," notable first for posting some spectacularly vague and unhelpful critiques, but who over time for his obsession to GamerGate, and later on for letting it slip that he preferred animal ass to human ass before trying to deny it all and rage-quitting once his real name was uncovered. Yep, he's that kind of person, and it's that kind of article.
Contents
Wulfington: The Early Years (Scrolls of Lore, 2011)[edit]
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Our story opens back in 2011, in the frozen wastelands of Mexico North. At the time, Wulfington, then going by the alias Soldrethar, was an enthusiast of a well known but utterly shitty MMO. While most people engaging in those activities are content to waste both their lives and their money, essentially paying to have friends with none of the side benefits of an actual IRL friendship, certain individuals like Wulfy delay the realization of their sunk-cost fallacy by immersing themselves in the "lore" of their precious vidya games. That's right, while filthy degenerates across the internet (Wulfington included) were busy celebrating the downfall of ED 1.0 at the hands of Sherrod Wulfington was part of a forum dedicated to the lore of the World of Warcraft. He spent hours, if not days, contemplating the breathtaking complexity of a story that probably took the team of hack writers at Blizzard all of 15 minutes to come up with while heavily plagarising from a big book of ancient myths and folklore, all the while pining over his lack of an actual girlfriend. That in and of itself isn't special, as loads of people do that. What makes him stand out is the way he managed to alienate and ostracize himself from that community, eventually having incredibly ironic accusations like "being disconnected from reality" leveled at him. Here's another kicker, evidence suggests that it had already happened twice before, on the official Blizzard WoW forums.
How did he manage this, you ask? Well, for starters, while everyone else on that forum probably fantasized about banging a Lv 90 night elf or some shit, he fantasized about banging female werewolves instead, and was dumb enough to let that fact slip out into the public. It went over about as well as you'd expect. Combined with his winning personality, and a one-way trip to ban town was pretty much inevitable. While his time there was largely inconsequential, the events serve as a prelude to much darker perversions later on. In retrospect though, his parents should've probably seen it coming. Perhaps, that's the price one pays when the male role model in the house spends more time drinking Jamba Juice and Colt 45's than they do raising their son, or six feet underground due to a drive-by.
Below are a sampling of posts, which marked the highlight of Wulfington's time there. Be warned though, the screencaps below contain what can only be presumed to be Wulfington's gateway drug to depravity. In order to protect yourself, the folks at EDF2 recommend taking the following precautions to prevent Satan from grabbing hold of you.
1) Create a mixture of 5 parts vinegar to 1 part holy water.
2) Use the mixture as lubricant during the next 30 days whenever you fap.
If at any time you experience a severe burning sensation in your genital region, then don't fret because that just means that it's working and that evil is being cleansed from your body.
Wulfington the Brony (and his further descent into madness)[edit]
Being a such a cheerful, well-adjusted, and gregarious person it comes as somewhat of a surprise that little Wulfy found his way into the barn and became a fan of My Little Pony. Of course, this played a major part in why this dear knight could find no true companions on his journey. Apparently, being a half-jungle bunny IRL with incredibly low self-esteem, meant that he couldn't channel either his innate white supremacy or jungle blood to get ahead. Thus, with no girlfriend in sight, his sexual preferences apparently switched from fucking imaginary wolf-women (or wolf-men considering the way he pined after his erstwhile companion, Stephen) to just fucking plain old horses in general. Yes, Wulfington is a clopper as the parlance goes, with a special place in his twisted libido for Rarity, thus ruining any chances he ever had of being normal. On the bright side, he still managed to find the time to write verbose passages about deeply esoteric subjects thus gracing the internet with his vast wisdom. Regrettably, he only managed to succeed in in utterly alienating himself from both the communities of his current and prior interests.
It was also around this time that he published some interesting thoughts about non-verbal consent with animals, and began selling poorly drawn MLP art to like-minded sexual deviants. He really didn't have much choice, for you see, Wulfington had fallen on financial straits so dire that they beggar belief. Then again, considering his checkered ancestry, perhaps it was to be expected. Even after sending out 600 job applications, he couldn't secure even one of them. Go big or go home, indeed. It can also be surmised that somewhere about this time he realized that dogs were less expensive to own than horses and decided that fucking them would be more cost effective than a horse. Truly he is a great lover of nature, and at the very least also capable of performing a basic cost-benefit analysis.
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monies[edit]
One day Wulfington figured that he could earn money doing commissions for bronies. To nobody's surprise, he failed at this too. In order to sell commissions on the MLP forums, one must suck the dick of one of the admins long enough to gain permission to post there. After he slobbered all over the admin's cock, he waited, and waited. It took him two months to realize that they didn't give a shit about his stupid ass. Now, a sane person would have found different work at this time or have just cut their losses and moved on like a normal fucking person. Not Wulfy though. Instead he shit his pants, grabbed that shit, and attempted to slather it all over the admins. What he expected to be justice and a happy ending ended up with him getting permanently banned from ever doing commissions on their forum.
No, what happened was I was desperate for a source of income at the time so I tried selling my shitty animal drawings for stupidly high prices, and on the MLP forums, in order to sell commissions, you need to post it in a specific subforum there which requires you to have admin (Feld0) permission (which the site takes a cut out of, fucking jews), so I messaged him, he responded after 2 weeks, he literally just apologized for taking so long and then didn't even give me fucking permission to post commissions.
So waiting two more fucking months I finally see that he had given a person who had only been on the forum for a few days or a week (meaning I had been waiting far longer than he had even been a fucking member) permission to take commissions, which caused me to finally snap, say some not-so-nice things to the admin (to which he never responded), than I spoke to one of the mods after demanding answers and the guy told me that Feld0 was ignoring me because he had a personal beef with me (which made no sense because I never even communicated with the guy at any point in my entire year-long stay there, and was otherwise a well-behaved poster who stayed out of trouble), and due to my mean message to Feld0 he was "definitely never going to give me permission".
Said mod refused to elaborate as to what this prior "beef" with me was, because he didn't know and he didn't want to get involved in "personal matters", so my only option was to take it up with Feld0 himself, WHO WAS FUCKING IGNORING ME.
There was one decent mod who actually attempted to get a response out of the admin to no avail, I recall any other mods I spoke to just brushed me off saying "you're free to leave at any time", obviously not giving a fuck. The only other explanation I got was Feld0 was just too busy with bronycon, which I refused to accept only because of that other guy who, in my time waiting and who had asked LONG AFTER ME, got admin permission to post commissions, and I was too angry to accept the possibility that said guy just managed to message Feld0 at the right time when he wasn't busy.
Eventually I sperged out and started trying to spread the word of what happened to as many members as I could, and I was banned because of "creating drama". Feld0 blocked me on deviantart when I tried messaging him there, on the MLP forums official deviantart (because I was telling people what happened in the chat section). After it was clear I was never going to get a response from Feld0, I soon found out about his other website, Wii U Go, which had a forum, so I took to there to tell my story.
The users laughed at me for referring to Feld0 as their "admin", due to the fact that he had abandoned them and the site for his pony forum long ago, and that this site was only alive due to ad revenue from his pony site. They told me they weren't surprised by my story, that this type of behavior was normal for him, and he was a control freak faggot basically. Everyone there hates him for abandoning the site for ponies.
Anyway, after Feld0 MAGICALLY returned to his abandoned Wii U forum just to permaban me, I later went back to deviantart and checked my messages (I had previousy sent the same messages to some of the users from MLP forums who had deviantart accounts, and some people following the official MLP forum DA account and Feldo's DA followers), and given this very interesting message by one of those individuals.......
The had told me they wanted to commission me to do art for them, tho they never responded when I agreed, mysteriously. Probably because I was shit, but why even ask me in the first place? Anyway, I later asked that one mod who actually gave a fuck one last time to know why I was really banned, to which he responded:
(Artemis being the fag mod who said my commission thread permission request to Feld0 was being ignored all that time due to a "personal beef" in the past that never even happened and refused to elaborate)
He also addressed that message I got from cast2012:
So I thanked him for actually giving me an answer, and accepted that I probably overreacted and moved on. But still, no answers to that story from cast2012, and the things I've had about him on his abandoned site Wii U Go, along with that one mod saying Feld0's reasoning for not responding was due to a prior "beef" he had with me, STILL, to this day, I have no idea what that "beef" was.......but I guess it will all forever remain a mystery.
friendship is capitalist oppression[edit]
His time as an open brony came to a tragic end when the writers of the show had the audacity to not conform to his political views. Our hero couldn't stand by and watch colorful ponies who suffered under oppressive capitalism. Like any sane person he left in the most mature way he knew, by posting a webpage long rant about how a show for little girls wasn't communist propaganda.
thank god sjws won't ruin my commie show.
pony shit
more pony shit
MORE!!!!!
Wulfington comes to EDF (as a massive DAfag)[edit]
Wulfington burst onto the scene of EDF in 2014 by joining the DA forums of the website, which to this very day is still used as a quarantine zone for the resident artistic zealots, who can't ever seem to curb their unhealthy obsession with Tom Preston. Naturally, he fit right in. He quickly applied the vast experience he gained from selling his sublime drawings to mentally handicapped furfags. In so doing, he achieved great renown by giving some of the most vague, useless, and unhelpful art critiques EDF has ever seen[1], while simultaneously outing himself as a brony. Continuing his proud tradition of responding to all queries with gusto and verbosity, he was quickly recognized for his efforts by the moderators of the website and nominated for the prestigious Faggot of the Year award in 2014, but eventually lost to Schnookums. Maybe he just didn't want it enough.
Wulfington's art wisdom[edit]
TLDR: Person: "Hey guys I need help with this drawing. I can't get the anatomy down right."
Wulfington: "STUDY ANATOMY!!!"
Wulfington latches onto Gamergate[edit]
Then for a while, nothing happened. Eventually, Sir Wulfington changed his avatar from whatever random garbage it began as, to its characteristic dog-man with a top hat. Naturally, every other user not already in the know on EDF suspected the obvious. However, what they didn't expect was for him to latch onto GamerGate like a tick and single-handedly contribute upwards of half the fucking posts in that entire thread. He continued to post even long after everyone else on the website had stopped giving a shit. He was, in essence, EDF's biggest and faggiest GamerGate cheerleader. Ethics in vidya was apparently so important to him that he started a shit fight at 8chan, which nobody on EDF paid attention to at the time, because of the aforementioned not giving a shit anymore.
However, he was still not content with being the most prolific GG advocate on EDF, he also felt the need to spread his message to other websites as well. He chose to do on another forum called the Kiwi Farms, which for the uninitiated is a 3rd rate ED clone and time capsule where they still think that CWC jokes are funny, and where they have yet to appreciate the majesty of the almighty Comic Sans font. Apparently, they grew tired of Wulfington's proselytizing shenanigans in less than 3 months, which is surprising considering the character of the people that frequent there. Amazingly, despite this arduous and busy schedule of doing fuck-all at the computer, he also managed to somehow find time to burn all his bridges on the MLPforums by stalking the users who followed an admin that he didn't like.
Quick question: Is anyone here unclear at this point on to the real reason why Wulfington can't hold employment?
EDF goes Old Yeller on Wulfington[edit]
However, his crucial mistake came in 2015, when he picked a fight with a faggot on EDF called Ink-dude over a trifling matter. Basically, in the attempt to elevate his own standing Wulfington started up an internet slap fight with what he thought was an easy target. However, little Wulfy miscalculated how easily rustled his own jimmies were, and Ink-dude turned the tables on him by largely ignoring him. Instead of quitting the field and coming back once the heat died down, he chose to escalate the situation.
The tipping point started to come from a typical argument in this thread between Wulfy and TheBookOfFaggot, but then it started to develop into more than the usual bitching about how much the quality his art critiques left to be desired. When a dedicated cadre of internet champions failed at their initial attempts to unmask his true identity, he scoffed at them. He did not scoff long, for soon his former posing history came to light and shit officially hit the fan. An old account he once had on the mlp forum was discovered, with a comment that more or less confirmed some latent, semi-serious suspicions that he preferred animal ass to human ass.
From there Wulfington made the very unfortunate choice to lie his ass off about that totally not being him, and not saying he likes to fuck animals. But even in his self-defense he was constantly fucking up, thinking that the reason why bestiality is wrong is because you can't tell if the animal is really consenting to it.
However undeniable evidence was soon brought to light that that was him, thanks to an old comment he had made in his first thread, confirming it and attempting to explain why he was a commie. The back-peddling Wulfington then employed was nothing short of legendary, as he tried to claim he only lied because we wouldn't have understood or believed him if he said he wasn't attracted to animals anymore (which he still is). A common tactic in his arsenal, of pushing the blame on everyone else.
But even at this point there were peeps on Wulfy's side, trying to convince to back down, turn off the computer, be honest, all sorts of things. But he rebuked them all, and continued to dig and challenge to his own grave. And sure enough, he was eventually doxed. Completely and totally shocked that his constant provoking of the people on this forum lead to them doxing him, he then went into full damage control across multiple sites, and hasn't been seen or heard from since.
Whether or not he will ever return, comment, or lurk forevermore, it is hard to say. For now all that we can do is look to the future, and ready ourselves for whatever it may bring. As had happened with those like him that came before, he left in disgrace, forever bearing the mantle of a dog-fucker.
See also[edit]
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