Crystal Shinkle
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Crystal Shinkle (aka 
Helprapevictim) is a 16 year old butthurt drug abuser who On May 1st, 2008, decided to whore herself out to the whole goddamn internet for attention. In a really bad method acting JewTube video, she cries about how a guy she had consensual sex with Over 9000 times raped her.
This novel turn of events has (seriously) taken the world of news by storm in a striking display of irony that is, in some circles, regarded as extremely lulzy. The video was created after she failed to become an hero, which makes this drama even more lulz worthy. People on eBaumsWorld decided to give this poor victim some support. Some feminazis entered the game and started bawwwwwing on JewTube, but everyone else except the feminazis answered: "TITS OR GTFO".
Contents
Background History[edit]
Crystal Shinkle was 15.9723 years old when she met Casey Mundling, an awesome 23 year old guy, at a party. They did some drugs and shortly after they started having a relationship. They had consensual sex over 9000 times in the missionary position and they even posted pictures of themselves on the interwebs and on MySpace. Then her father found the pictures of her on MySpace and felt butthurt. Apparently Casey Mundling broke her heart, and in an attempt to calm her angered father, she told the police about their relationship, hoping that they would nail him for fucking a 15.9 year old. The DA used common sense and realized that fucking a 15.9 year old, is the same as fucking a 16 year old, especially if said strumpet lied about her age. Law databases do not use decimals. Case closed, drama started.
Crystal learned that the case had been dropped, because she had given consent to sexual intercourse in the missionary position. The DA said: "I'd hit it, it's legal". She had a mental breakdown, and tried to become an hero. Then she made this video and posted it on JewTube in an attempt to spawn a personal army, seemingly unaware that bulling is rabbit on the internet.
A shitstorm breweth[edit]
The Internet Strikes Back[edit]
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[[Image:Crystal_cries_rape (4).jpg|thumb|Protip: never use your name as a password].]
On May 15, eBaumsworld began a coordinated attack on the YouTube video page, leaving hateful messages and video replies. Someone hacked her YouTube account for the lulz. This is no different than posting personal army requests on /b/ or /i/, so her plan backfired and she got plenty of pizza, male strippers and other stuff ordered to her house. Probably because of that, after a few days the video was taken off YouTube. The only thing left now is mirrors and lulzy responses. This is a great example that truth and justice exists on the internet. There are still feminazis lurking on JewTube defending her, but no one cares about them.
| —Anonymous |
Hey, if anyone wants to help out, some fag is trying to troll the video. BAWWing up a storm, etc. Should prove to be a good lulzcow.
People left seriose comments:
ZOMG Teh Police Interview[edit]
For moar see links
ZOMG Teh Case(y) File!
Her report to the police indicates her deep need for a strong father figure.
Summary.
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tl;dr? - they threw out the case because she kept going on about how it was repeated, consensual, drug-fueled sex, on several occasions, over a significant stretch of time i.e.: would be laughed out of court by any jury of non drug-addled, skanky whores.
MyPoll Says "Asking for it, BITCH!"[edit]
A poll was held on Crystal's MySpace account. Thank you for voting. The last screenshot taken before removal in on the left.
How You Can Help[edit]
Contact the following government officials and inform them that you think this girl is a lying sack of shit who wanted it in the pooper. Be sure to tell them that you heard about the case from eBaumsworld:
- State Attorney's Main Office: 1-407-836-2400
- Mary Pullian (Governor's Assistant): 1-850-488-4441
- Nicole Peques (State Attorney): 1-407-836-2402
CNN Chimes In On Their 360 Blog; Gets Trolled[edit]
CNN blogs about the case... and anonymous delivers:
Fresh Prince Rape[edit]
Now, this is a story all about how My life got flipped-turned upside down And I'd like to take a minute For you to sit and debate I'll tell you how I became the little bitch Who lied about rape In West Florida born and raised Getting drunk is how I spent most o' mah days Getting high, climaxing, and cumming all cool And all shootin' some heroin outside of the school When a 23 year old guy Who I thought looked quite good Fucked me all around the neighborhood I boned him a few times, and then I got scared So I moved over to YouTube and started to baaw there I turned on the interweb and when it came near I made my userpage pink, which in no way was queer If anything I could sit and eat grapes But I thought 'nah, forget it' Time to bitch about "rape"! I uploaded a video 'round 7 or 8 Used my spiffy camera, which I thought was great I looked at the comments I could finally see, That my bitchy moans became a big fad on /b/
Spoof Videos[edit]
The untold story, gets told by a very special YouTube user
The Truth Bout The Girl Who Cried 'RAPE' And Who Really Raped Her
A remix of the lulzy video and some Cannibal Corpse
'Stripped', Raped and Strangled? We can only hope.
SIRZLY U GUISE[edit]
This camwhore professes to be victim of surprise sex herself. She is shocked and appalled by the eBaums shenanigans. Sadly she is Canadian and therefore there is nothing she can do. She is also eminently fuckable as ghastly as Crystal's other supporter. If you need to fap, but don't feel like you deserve to fap to anything attractive, click play below...
Schoolmarms everywhere are shocked by your faggotry. Where is your sympathy? Do you not realize you are looking at a FUTURE SUICIDE an hero??? (Final minute contains massive paternalistic call to arms. In remembrance of Bitingbeaver.)
Gallery[edit]
Delicious copypasta is delicious.
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thumb
LOL FACE-PAINTING. She was asking for it.]]
The future Crystal
Bring on the bling bling.
Michael Crook visits YouTube to comment on the Fox 11 report
l33t hAxx0rs snort steroids and take over Crystal's YouTube Account]]
Crystal presumably smokes some more meth, and wrestles it back off them.]]
LULZ]]
Don't break a habit of a lifetime.]]
Cheer up, we have a friend for you :)]]
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See Also[edit]
External Links[edit]
- Livejournal - extreme faggotry
(RS backup)(deleted)- CNN confirms: she's a whore
- Smoking Gun Report (Taped interview transcript)
Classmates PageBALEETED!- Michael Crook article with her name (Crystal Shinkle)
- Anderson Cooper 360 Blog
- Her former High School's website
- A funny domain made out of her name
MySpaces[edit]
- (Private / Inactive for almost 2 years)
- ACryForHelp2008 attention whores are very comfortable on MySpace
- Heartagram Hero - Guy who possibly raped her (Not confirmed)
YouTubes[edit]
- HelpRapeVictim
Do I smell an emmy? (The Video)(Removed)CNN report and interview with Crystal ShinkleBALEETED!FOX 11 report featuring Anons calling her on her bullshit.BALEETED!
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Crystal Shinkle is part of a series on Visit the Whores Portal for complete coverage. |
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Crystal Shinkle is part of a series on YouTube. |
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