Die Antwoord
Die Antwoord (aka The Answer) is a ninja rave/rap crew from straight outta Cape Town.
They are also the ideal rap group for EDiots and /b/tards since their sound is like your ears are getting tentacle raped and they feature a delicious loli with a foul mouth, (Yo-Landi Vi$$er), an XBox hueg basement dweller, DJ (DJ Hi-Tek), a methhead Chav with bad teeth and crap tattoos, (Ninja), and a scary, retarded TsimFuckis lookalike, (DJ Solarize).
Die Antwoord's Chav ghetto style can best be described as Cypress Hill on meth, a style they call "zef". Zef is defined by ninjas, zeffness, giftige cherries, sexy outjies, sooped style, vet klank, wat pomp, duk zak, yin-yang, niel blomkamp. In English: crap. But in a good way. Like bad meaning good not good meaning bad.
Zefness[edit]
Although black people claim that Zef was created by the CIA in a lab to holocaust the race, Ninja defines Zef as being a higher state of being and mind where you feel "full flex"; like reaching the next level of a video game. Meanwhile, rappers and white suburban teenage Americunts are already familiar with "zef" because it's basically a ripoff of the ebonics word "def". However since Cape Town is a fucking shithole, it could never be described as "def", "dope" or "da bomb", so Zef it is. Plus, since Afrikaans is probably the world's most fucked up sounding language/accent, somewhat akin to a garbage disposal unit going to work on $20 in loose change, nobody wants to hear Ninja explain himself further.
| —New York magazine |
| —Ninja |
Having felt -nay- experienced Zefness, they decided to put it to music and disemminate it through the Interwebs where boingboing discovered them.
The Crew[edit]
Ninja[edit]
A culture warrior and self appointed spokesman for South African common man, this 40-year-old Eminem wannabe is primarily influenced by LOTR and has a tattoo of Ninja's secret fairy forest to prove it. But since this is most definitely not gangsta, he's planning on getting laser surgery to remove it and get an Avatard tattoo instead since that is way more gangsta. His other tattoos are (in his words) "pretty fucking self spoken" including IF YOU DON'T LIKE FUNERALS, DON'T KICK SAND IN A NINJA'S FACE and UGLY ON THE SKIN LOVELY FROM WITHIN. They are made of Sharpie and FAIL.
Ninja was previously rapper Max Normal and had a group called the Original Evergreens. He's also an art school dropout whose half-finished thesis paper was on post-Weimar Republic German performance art. To keep it real, Ninja still lives with his mum and dad.
Recently Ninja (aka Watkin "Waddy" Tudor Jones) presented his latest series of sculptures in his Fantastic Kill range at the Michaelis School of Fine Art in a one-night exhibition. The series of sculptures comprised small stuffed felt animals, mostly based on indigenous fauna, some of which have a definitely sinister undertone. There was also be a small series of digital prints on view. The exhibition moved on to a video screening in which two works by Jones were screened.
Now that's gangsta.
Yo-Landi[edit]
Yo-landi Visser is a very keen young girl with a zest for life. Although she is very professional, Yolandi also enjoys having fun. Besides her full-time job working as South African rap impresario Max Normal's personal assistant, she also writes romance novels. She has published 3 novels to date which are all doing very well.
Yolandi has a wild imagination and likes to think up strange erotic fantasies. Her boyfriend is the jealous type and he is certain that Yolandi has cheated on him several times although he cannot prove it.
An art school educated rich bitch IRL, Yolandi dresses like a truckstop prostitute and still lives with her mum who does her hair using a salad bowl and hedge trimmer. She is attracted to toothless men with tattoos but claims that her relationship with Ninja is strictly a working one despite being his IRL wife and the mother of his kid; a girl called Sixteen.
TL;DR - Even though she's in her thirties, she looks like a 16-year-old girl with decent tits and a nice ass and /b/ would hit it with the fist of an angry god.
DJ Hi-Tek[edit]
Little is known about the Silent Bob of Die Antwoord, but Ninja credits him as the music genius of the crew since he is the only one who had a PC computer to make next level beats. Hi-Tek is currently fucking up the crew's plans to tour and spread the Zef for world domination (thank god) by going MIA from his gran's house. He is thought to be off on another drug binge living in District 9 due to being a fat cunt.
Leon aka DJ Solarize aka Immortal[edit]
See main article at: TsimFuckis
DJ Solarize was actually Leon Botha, the world's longest surviving progeria case and a world renowned painter. He was rich but not beautiful.
In January 2010 he hosted the first exhibit of "Who Am I? ...Transgressions", a photo collaboration with Gordon Clark, at the Joao Ferreira Gallery in Cape Town. Botha said of the exhibition, "I am a spiritual being, the same as you, primarily. Then I'm a human being and this part of the human being is the body, which has a condition." Now that's gangsta.
Botha died in June 2011 due to complications of progeria. Goodnight sweet prince.
Blowin Up[edit]
After their first single, Beat Boy appeared on YouTube in early 2010 it went viral and soon had the world clamouring for moar of Die Antwoord This led for the local meeja going batshit insane for the Zefness. Die Antwoord dropped the science in a YouTube called Take No Prisoners for a local news network.
"Music"[edit]
<center>Beat Boy</center>
Previous Video | Next Video
Trolling IRL[edit]
The best thing about Die Antwoord, however, is that they are awesomely 1337 subtle IRL trolls. That's right, the whole thing is an elaborate hoax courtesy of South African performance artist and troll Watkin "Waddy" Tudor Jones. There's no doubting that "Ninja", formerly known as Max Normal can genuinely rap his arse off and write decent -if somewhat bizarre- rhymes (something that Ali G could never pull off) but once you get past that, everything else about Die Antwoord is way too retarded to be taken seriously.
Granted, wiggers, chavs and 110% of rappers are fucking retarded by definition and so it could be argued that this retardation is the default setting for any given white rap crew and that they are super serial. After being exposed to decades of MTV vidyas from the likes of ICP to Lil' Wayne it is somewhat plausible that backwards wigger South Africans would embrace and embody crap tattoos, grillz, bowl-cut hairdos, drugs, ebonics and make videos featuring bouncing cocks in their white ghetto hood populated entirely by rednecks and amputee alcoholic gypsies in wheelchairs.
And therein lies their greatest strength for pwning rap fanboys, however trying too hard has painted Die Antwoord into a corner that -having already accumulated thousands of rabid fans who will no doubt buy a shitload of their music and merch- will lead to hardcore RAAAGE and butthurt when the jig is up and they are eventually told "LOL YHBT" and "IDIFTL" by Die Antwoord.
The fallout should rival The Emperor's New Clothes for morality tale lulz. We at ED, wait with baited breath -for black person to put a cap in Ninja's arse and see him cry like a little girl.
| —Ninja | ||
| —Mahala | ||
| —Ninja | ||
How To Troll Answertards[edit]
Tell them their favourite new group is fake and that they have been trolled. Most will respond by flaming you for stating the obvious while simultaneously displaying hueg amounts of butthurt as if you were attacking their integrity by suggesting they're stupid and have been taken in. Of course they knew it all along and -besides- "so what?" They will go on to claim that Die Antwoord are still great entertainers with great music and/or great artists like Sacha Baron Cohen for bringing thought-provoking 'theatre of the absurd' that merits conversation as to the cultural implications of their agitprop 'guerilla art'.
You can call bullshit on this by pointing out that Die Antwoord are like latter day Elvis Presleys exploiting black culture and profiting off the misery of poor blacks in the ghetto at best and are condescending, racist rich kids who are mocking 'ignorant' and poor blacks, wiggers and chavs who don't know any better at worst.
The Video called "Hilarious 'Die Antwoord' Rap Video Blowing Up"[edit]
There are many things in life that can be decribed as "hilarious" including jokes, Uncyclopedia, retards and the Egyptian Pygmy Jerboa. However if your idea of hilarious is watching a smug fat cunt and a vanilla bitch who is probably a born-again Christian "critiquing" Die Antwoord in the style of Emergency Science Fiction Theatre 9000, then this video is for you. (An especially good bit is when the female reviewer sniggers at the lovely, gorgeous and talented Yo-Landi shaking her perfect little booty. The reviewer herself probably has a colostomy bag held in place by faeces-coated strips of cellulite.) If, however, you'd find it funnier if these two motherfuckers were duck-taped together with his cock down her throat and set on fire while a chorus of dwavres dressed as Mickey Mouse chanted "Death To Whitie America", then this video may not amuse you quite as much.
Trolling The Music Business[edit]
After almost completely purging their blog archives of anything that might give the game away, Die Antwoord recently pulled off an epic Sex Pistols style Great Rock 'n' Roll Swindle on the music business by entering the US market and sparking a bidding war between the four major labels who -in their usual clueless fashion- went batshit insane tripping over themselves to throw millions of dollars and multi-year recording contracts at the fake group, 100% convinced that Ninja and co were the real deal. Rumour has it, that Die Antwoord have demanded that should the winner fail to sell 1 million albums of their debut, the band get to walk away from the contract with their $1,000,000 normally recoupable advance check intact and go elsewhere with no strings attached.
Interscope (the label of Eminem, Snoop Dogg and Dr Dre) appear to have won this particular lottery but in fact, have lost the game. It remains to be seen how much raaaaage will ensue when the perpetually volatile Eminem and co find out they are working with a bunch of trolls who are taking the piss out of American gangsta rap and the serious business culture of "keeping it real".
| —NME | ||
After getting signed, Die Antwoord spent a fucking shitload of Interscope's money on a new video, which features more cocks than Elton John's house on a Saturday night, as well as boobs from delicious Yolandi. GG, Die Antwoord. GG.
Die Galery[edit]
See Also[edit]
External LInks[edit]
- Official site
- NME...myth busted
- New York magazine interview
- In The Guardian
- In Vice
- At watkyjy.com
- MySpazz
- Die Antwoord Facebook
- Yo-Landi's Facebook
- Another Yo-Lando Facebook
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Die Antwoord is part of a series on Visit the Music Portal for complete coverage. |
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Die Antwoord is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |
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Die Antwoord is part of a series on YouTube. |
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