Greg Mazujian

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ATTENTION! The subject of this article is a lolcow, and is currently ripe for milking. You can help by trolling the shit out of them whenever you see them, then laughing at their lulz-inducing theatrics.

Those fucking gloves.

.

Greg "Twig Arms" Mazujian, also known as “Scareglow42” and “The Poo Eating Count of Spotslyvania” is an obese and severely autistic 20-something year old internet tough guy from Spotslyvania, Virginia. He has become somewhat infamous on several 4chan boards for being incredibly easy to anger, mainly /toy/, /co/, /tv/, and /b/. Many argue that he is like a younger Christian Weston Chandler.

Greg has an obsession with children’s toys, cartoons, and monsters. His obsession with poorly made, cheap toys led to him being most prominent on /toy/, and will defend his shitty collection of plastic crap at any chance he can get. Ironically, he hates the toy company Hasbro and constantly bitches and moans about their toys being cheaply made and overall poor quality. To sweeten this rhetoric Greg goes by, he’s such a poorfag most of his toys are from Hasbro, rather than high-end weeaboo companies that /toy/fags worship.

Little did his parents know that Greg would basically turn into a monster himself the older he got. He is also the pinnacle of 4chan user stereotypes- a fat autistic NEET pedophile that lives with his parents.

Rise to Infamy

A typical Greg thread looks like this.

Greg first became known around spring 2015 on /toy/ at the age of 19. His threads were known for being highly inane [s4s]-tier garbage, usually involved him sperging about Hasbro and shilling his petition for the company, being delusional enough to believe Hasbro cares about manchildren like him. The other types of threads he would make would involve him clenching one of his McDonald’s-tier toys in his fat fingers, clad in fingerless skeleton gloves, putting some sort of meme or nonsense in the OP.

His petitions can be found here: [1] (old) [2] (new)

However, the true appeal of Greg as a lolcow came from his kneejerk reactions to criticism and generally taking insults on 4chan seriously, usually acting as an internet tough guy (with terrible spelling to boot). Examples of his posting style include:

• “fuckign HASBRO and thier cheap ass 5POA GARBAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ILL BEAT ALL HASBRO SUPPOTERS TILL THERE BLACK AND BLUE, BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!"
• "how DARRE yuo call me a christian!!!!!!!!!!! I FUCKIGN HATE THAT PURITANICAL BITCH GOD JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and for the last time I DONT EAT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
• "ILL SMASH U, ILL BASH U, ILL BEAT U INTO A BLOODY PULP FOR SAYING THAT, BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!"
• “FUCK THIS SHIT, ILL BEAT YOUR BITCH ASSESS IN, TELL ME WHERE YOU FUCKIN LIVE, SO I CAN CAVE YOUR TEETH IN YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!!”

Some plastic crap Greg's parents probably bought for him.

Greg stayed on /toy/ and occasionally hopped on over to /co/ and /tv/, still shitposting on and off on 4chan to this day. However, shortly after becoming known on /toy/, things became even lulzier when Greg posted his first and last name on the boards with his shit petition. Needless to say, he was quickly doxed and a few trolls found his various social media. A particularly dedicated troll who had nothing better to do during his free time at work “befriended” Greg on Facebook. Truth be told, they weren’t really friends even from day one- it was mostly exchanges of insults between the two, but Greg still talked to the troll, as the troll put it:

• “I dunno why he still talks to be. Autism and loneliness I guess.”

The main notable Greg troll’s posts about Greg can be found in the long ass wall of text posts in this /cow/ thread and on the Kiwi Farms: [3]

With his dox and social media easily available to the world, trolls (mainly from /toy/) have sent countless pizzas, bibles, and Mormons to Greg’s house. The day when a disgruntled /toy/fag sent a few pizzas to him, around winter/early spring 2016, led to utter chaos and confusion in the Mazujian household. When these Dominos pizzas were delivered, only Greg’s mom, Mary, was home. As one would expect, Mary was completely confused, and ended up googling her son’s name. The first result was the thread on Kiwi Farms, and Mary had come to the realization that her son is a retard that posts his personal information to strangers online, whom he also often threatens.

Greg Flies into a Tard Rage over Plastic crap

He sounds like Eric Cartman when he's angry, and kinda acts like him, too.

Personal Life

Ripe and ready for milking!

Gregory Jude Mazujian was born to Greg H. Mazujian and Mary A. McCarthy on April 30th, 1996, probably in Manassas, Virginia. Not much is known about his early childhood other than that he had a love and obsession with aliens and monsters, which he still has to this day, stating that he seemed to ”identify with them more than regular people.” His earliest memory was allegedly being disappointed that 9/11 was a terrorist attack and not a bunch of monsters going on a rampage in New York. He moved to his current home in Spotslyvania in late 2004.

Greg mainly grew up in Catholic school, where he was often picked on by other students. He believed that God had willed him to be a “weak and sniveling pussy”, leading to his later extreme hatred of all things linked to religion, and becoming a zealous atheist.

Greg went to Riverbend High School, and being the edgelord he is, unironically wore a trench coat and fedora to school, leading to more ridicule from his peers. Greg had severe anger issues and would often get into fights with other students over the slightest hint of an insult. This led to Greg being held back a few times, and being sent to the funny farm for his violent actions.

There is literally nothing wrong with fucking trees.

One particularly lulzy moment of Greg’s high school career was going to a party with some other high schoolers. They dared him to fuck a tree, and he did, leading to what one can assume was tons of amusement from these other teenagers. Greg was also known as being incredibly creepy towards girls that went to school with him, and not understanding the word “no” when it came to women. He still regularly stalks some of the girls who rejected him under fake Facebook accounts, such as “Ashley Munson” and “Janna Karl Johnson”.

Up until late 2015, Greg also had a job at Dairy Queen. At Dairy Queen, Greg regularly stole from the restaurant, justifying it due to being poor, and constantly got into arguments with others. Greg was finally fired from Dairy Queen one day when an older customer told him to be more cheerful. This led to Greg going into a tard rage, cussing out the old woman, calling her a “jesus dick sucking bitch”, and knocking his manager to the floor. Knowing his history at Dairy Queen, coupled with the fact that Greg’s Kiwi Farms thread is the first thing that comes up when googling “Greg Mazujian”, it can be safe to say that it’s unlikely he will be hired by any marginally sane employer.

ANOTHER old man

Greg has expressed his tard rage in various other places of Spotslyvania, Virginia. He was banned from the “Past and Present Antique Shop” for trying to fight an old man, and from a comic drawing event because “he kept scaring people” and he chimped out on the woman who kicked him out. He also regularly cusses out random employees at stores such as Wal-Mart or Toys R Us if they don’t have the toys he wants, or won’t let him buy something due to it not hitting the street release date yet.

Since graduating from High School and being fired from Dairy Queen, Greg lives a simple but comical life. He regularly (and proudly) shoplifts small toys from stores, shitposts on 4chan, and demonstrates extremely poor hygiene. His parents coddle him heavily, and Greg himself lives off of disability tardbucks from the government. An average day for Greg usually involves him being taken out by his parents to eat fast food and buy children’s toys practically every day. Sometimes he will just steal toys and justify it toward his everlasting “war on Hasbro”. Greg also regularly goes to some local farm with his mother to pet the animals. At home, Greg also loves to sit around and play with toys in his parent's bed. Maybe he likes the smell of old people sex.

Despite Greg having all the time in the world nearly daily at his house, he often cannot be bothered to shower or brush his teeth. His room is also incredibly messy. Trolls have described his teeth to resemble “an ear of corn”, and god knows how bad he smells. Greg also wears his trademark fingerless skeleton gloves and a hoodie even during the summer because he believes that “they collect moisture and keep him cool”. Another notable aspect of Greg is his comically large manboobs. These are allegedly from him eating little else besides chicken tendies (an autist’s favorite food) and french fries.

A post from November 28th on /toy/ has him admit that he is 5’ 7” and weighs 215 lbs. Unless his weight has drastically lowered in the past few months, this gives Greg a BMI of 33.7, which is considered a fat fuck.

Greg also harasses toy companies in his free time to bitch about toys costing too much, or not being out yet.

Mental Health

Note the misspelling of "retarded"

	“	“im an asshole, not because of my disability(which is so high functioning, its almost nonexsistant), but because of who i am.”	„
	—Greg - on /cow/

Don't go to school tomorrow

Greg is known for being incredibly narcissistic, only loving himself. He believes he is a genius, handsome, strong, and generally perfect- and cannot fathom why people do not think the same of him. Likely due to isolation and mental illness, Greg is incredibly attached to his toys, allegedly giving them all unique personalities. One thread leads to the possible fact that Greg may believe that toys have souls:

“I believe toys have their own souls. Because when we love and obssese over them, it fills them with some of our own spirit energy that we then grow back from the pool of universal energy. This also includes things like ventriloquist dolls and statues, possibly even cars.” [4] (dead link, but thread number’s here)

One of his greatest fears is the plastic of his toys degrading, likely because they are the closest thing he has to actual irl friends. He has deluded himself into believing that plastic degradation was made up by trolls to scare him.

There’s a bit of a reason, however, why Greg’s so insane. He has confirmed himself that he has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and assburger’s. His bipolar disorder was likely passed down from his mother, who also has been proven on multiple occasions to be highly irrational and have severe anger issues. In fact, she ran off to Florida for a few days after she learned about Greg’s lolcowdom after googling his name after a troll sent pizzas.

Through Greg’s bipolar disorder and assburgers, his poor parents are subject to various abuse and tard rage from their son, whom he often takes his anger out on by beating them. He has been sent to the funny farm on several occasions, and often gets into physical fights with his mom, Mary, often over the fact that she does not like that he is obsessed with, collects, and plays with children’s toys, even at the age of 18. He’s also had several public meltdowns, such as a time he lost a toy’s part when he was with his mom at a duck pond, and of course his final day working at Dairy Queen. Mary is also just as crazy, if not more, than her own son. She has physically abused her husband at least once, leading to Greg calling the cops on his parents. After this incident, Mary ran off to Delaware and hasn't returned since. She still sent Greg a birthday present, though, even though Greg really hates her.

Despite being trolled to shit on /toy/, /cow/, and Kiwi Farms, however, Greg's mindset has been described by a particularly dedicated troll to "reset whenever he goes to bed." In other words, every new day is literally "new" to Greg, leaving him with a continuous lack of self-awareness on all the things he has fucked up on, and generally believes nothing bad can ever happen to him.

Political Views

Greg's political views are quite contradictory and backwards, practically amounting to a bizarre clusterfuck mix between sjw and /pol/lack.. He claims he's a die hard liberal. He's liberal for two reasons. Reason one is that they tend to offer free shit to their supporters. While most sane people realize that they can never actually back up these promises of free stuff, because there's no such thing as free, Greg believes it without question. He feels that free stuff is his god given right. He thinks that simply existing entitles him to things like free health care or free college. The free college is a big thing to him. The Mazujians are likely too poor to actually afford to send Greg to a real University, if he could even get in.

Greg believes that without college he will never amount to anything, even though when he goes, he states that it's only to get some shitty liberal arts degree that will do nothing for him except leave him with mountain of debt. He also has fell for the media's bashing of the "1%". Greg is unaware the 1% is a media buzzword. Greg believes that the 1% "have too much and should spread the wealth" even though he has done nothing to actually contribute to society himself. Basically, he feels that he deserves some of there wealth without having to do any work for it. Greg believes that Bernie Sanders economic plan will be able to give him a good life of not being poor while the rich are all taxed at 90%, because Greg thinks that's fair. When asked what will happen if all the rich people leave the country Greg responds like any typical Bern Victim saying "kek, they won't leave". Any sane person knows that the rich would leave the country in a heartbeat if this were to actually happen. Greg feels if they do try to flee that the government should be allowed to kill them. In fact, whenever someone doesn't fall in line with Greg's ideas of how the country should be run he usually demands they are killed or beaten violently.

The other major reason for supporting the left is that they tend to be pro LGBT. Greg is very pro LGBT as he claims to be bi and that he will fuck anything. In fact, Greg is surprisingly not a virgin, and fucked some nigger at age 13. Whether it was a guy or a girl is unknown. On top of claiming to be "bisexual", Greg is a die-hard supporter of trannies like Bruce Jenner, and will defend their "rights" to the death. Greg likely feels this way because he feels that everyone's sexuality should be put on display for the world to see. He feels that if people don't do this they are sexually stunted and he feels he was treated this way for much of his youth. In actuality Greg is just massively perverted and wants everyone else to be like him. When asked, what if someone identifies as a different race, or as a different person, Greg responds that this can't be because people can only identify as different genders, making it seem as someone came up with this arbitrary rule when no such thing exists. He doesn't really watch the news or pay attention to world events so Greg often makes an ass out of himself with retarded assumptions he makes over issues he barely pays attention to.

However, meme magic has actually turned Greg into a Trump supporter, despite the fact that Greg despises religion and “rednecks”. But considering Greg's ass-backwards views, he'll probably try to justify these contradictory mindsets in some retarded way.

While Greg seems like your average libcuck, Greg is also incredibly racist (or at least tries to be so he seems edgy) and believes that people should have their rights revoked or be killed for stupid things. But to further his extreme liberal political beliefs, Greg has regularly defended pedophilia, believing that there is nothing wrong with having sex with 12 year olds. Greg even lied about his age on Skype to supposedly "pick up underage girls", strengthening the fact that he's a pedo. Luckily, he's probably far too dumb to use things like Tor to find and see actual cheese pizza.

Similarities/Relations to Christian Weston Chandler

THIS IS WHAT GREG ACTUALLY BELIEVES

Greg Mazujian has many similarities to everyone’s favorite lolcow, Christian Weston Chandler. The two both:

• Have high functioning autism
• Are easily trolled and angered
• Make death threats to random people online
• Have doxed themselves
• Have enormous egos
• Have been banned from various establishments.
• Live with their parents
• Live in a similar area of Virginia (seriously, is there something in the water there?)
• Have terrible hygiene
• Are fat fucks
• Are both incredibly weak
• Are spoiled and coddled by their parents (except that Greg’s parents tried to discipline him and failed)
• Are incredibly naive and are willing to surrender all sorts of information about themselves
• Are bronies/furries
• Collect children’s toys
• Have disgustingly messy rooms
• Have bizarre senses in fashion

Most interestingly, one of the things Greg is most proud of is allegedly meeting Chris Chan irl. When Greg’s senpai noticed him, CWC freaked out and flipped Greg off. The two were also Facebook friends for a while, strengthening Greg’s claims- as CWC only friends a select number of people on Facebook due to his notoriety and various trolls.

Things Greg Likes

Greg on the far left, cosplaying Steven Universe.

Is he a scene kid from 2007?

GIMMIE GIMMIE CHICKEN TENDIES

• Monsters
• Aliens
• Children’s toys
• Chicken tenders
• Pepe the Frog
• Memes
• My Little Pony
• Furry fandom
• Dr. Who
• Steven Universe
• Adventure Time
• Ninja turtles
• Eating Human Feces
• Raping his own mom
• Jerking off dogs
• Being an internet tough guy
• 4chan
• Probably lolicon and shota
• Rule 34
• Kill la Kill
• fast food
• Fapping
• Invader Zim
• The thought of shooting up his old high school
• The Loud House

Things Greg Hates

• His own parents
• Being compared to Chris-Chan
• Being impersonated
• Kiwi Farms
• /cow/
• Jin Saotome
• Being told he eats shit
• Being told he’ll end up homeless soon
• Praising Hasbro
• Being insulted in any way, he feels obligated to defend his ego
• People making fun of his skinny arms
• People calling him fat
• People making fun of his manboobs
• Cheese
• People calling him weak
• Bringing up the time he fucked a tree
• Reminding him of the inevitable plastic degradation of his toys

Gallery

Greg About missing Pics

• 

  "A face only a Mazujian could love"

• 

  Greg flipping off toys in Wal-Mart

• 

  Exploitable

• 

  Another exploitable

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

• 

  Based on a true story?

• 

  His current Facebook profile pic

• 

  Greg's dream

• 

  Greg tries to do the "Smug Pepe" face

• 
• 

  He's probably fucking this Inside Out doll as you're reading this.

• 

  Hide Greg Posts

• 

  Jin's thoughts on Greg

• 

  Shit-eating- the early years

• 

  Young Greg with a cat

• 

  "Kiss my dick, /toy/!"

• 

  Meow!

• 

  Greg loves to spit on people for some reason.

• 

  NEXT WEEK ON "HOARDERS"

• 

  Greg trying to be edgy

• 

  Quack!

• 

  Greg tries his best Brianna Wu impression

• 

  SO METAL!!!

• 

  He tries so hard to become a Reaction Face

• 

  When one collects all eight Dragon Balls, Greg will finally stop eating shit.

• 

  A rare shot of a modern day caveman.

• 

  He'd grow up to be a wifebeater if he actually had a wife.

• 

  #Ape Lives Matter

• 

  What a klepto faggot.

• 

  Greg gets laughed off a Facebook meme page for being a pedo.

• 

  Greg talks about edgy things he's done in an /r9k/ thread.

• 

  Obama can't ban these guns!

• 
• 

Elsewhere Online

Besides chans such as /toy/, /co/, /tv/, and /b/, where Greg can easily be spotted due to his unique posting style (aka terrible spelling and grammer, gory death threats, and image.jpg filenames on every picture he uploads), Greg can also be found on several websites under the name “(The)IncredibleMrG” (DeviantART, Twitter) and “Scareglow42” (Disqus, Skype, Kiwi Farms). He can also be found on Facebook under his own name, “Janna Karl Johnson”, the account he stalks girls with, and on Google Plus as “Greg the Meme”. Greg has quite the snail trail online and can be easily found and trolled.

He can also be emailed at cavegregum@gmail.com or cavegregum42@gmail.com. Feel free to send some kind words.

Greg reacts to his Kiwi Farms thread.

"The internet's whipping boy"

See Also

• /toy/
• Jin Saotome
• 4Chan
• Lolcow
• Brony
• Autism
• Asperger's
• Bipolar
• Tard rage
• Christian Weston Chandler
• Coprophilia
• Pedophilia
• Sick fuck
• Him trying to reason with a retarded ED Admin

Links

• [His Kiwi thread]
• [First /cow/ thread]
• [Second /cow/ thread]
• [His dox]
• [His Facebook]
• [His alternate Facebook (for stalking women)]
• [Some] [prank] [calls]
• [His old deviantArt]
• [His old Twitter]
• [His disqus]
• [Some Dr. Who fan vid he was in when he was younger.]
• [An old /b/ thread where he sends death threats to the parents of the kid responsible for Harambe's death.]

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Greg Mazujian is part of a series on Aspies.

[Back to your happy placeSperg out]

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Featured article April 2 & 3, 2017
Preceded by Crinklemon	Greg Mazujian	Succeeded by Cartoonjunkie