Boston Marathon Bombing
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The 2013 Boston Bomb-A-Thon, also known as the Boston TNT Party, was a tactical first-person sporting game in which a team of terrorists competed against a team of counter-terrorists in a series of rounds. The event was a blast and the funniest Boston Marathon evar when nobody expected a marathon to become a game; at least 260 people were blown away with 3 completely destroyed. While marathon running never used to be popular, it recently exploded into the mainstream as a vortex of lulz and drama, primarily due to the enhanced gameplay brought about by the introduction of new obstacles near the finish line and the addition of extra tactical teams and terrorists to pass through. When the players are nearing the finish line, they are required to dodge the nearby explosion of the bombs planted by the terrorists, or they get blown to pieces, with their giblets all over the place. As far as we know, this has only happened to a few players so far, including a few cops, a 13 year old boy, and some other guy that nobody cares about.
Contents
Gameplay[edit]
Players can either join the terrorists, counter-terrorists, or spectators. The spectators don't spawn with any weapons, but can still get their legs blown off from all the incoming gunfire. The terrorists decided this would be a better game to play than Russian Roulette and decided to plant these obstacles as the counter-terrorists were so fuckin' blind that they couldn't see what was coming.
The counter-terrorist team begins by running a two-legged race wearing spandex while dodging the numerous obstacles thrown in their path. Failing to avoid these obstacles can result in loss of at least 100 health points and having to complete the race on only one leg, effectively converting it to a game of hopscotch.
Three players on the spectator team lost over 9,000 health points, causing their death. Even the hospitals couldn't cure them. It consisted of some young 8 year old boy, a Chink graduate school student, and a restaurant manager lady. Then the two culprits ran away as only one became an martyr while the other one surrendered and went with the puh-leez.
Cheating[edit]
It is widely suspected that the counter-terrorist team used a wallhack with the party van to locate the last remaining opponent masturbating in a boat in some guy's front yard. Additionally, they have admitted to botting in order to diffuse the remaining unexploded IED's. Cheating n00bs. After an epic battle with the party van and pigs, Tamerlan Tsarnaev got shot and died instantly, and now is currently partying in hell with Adam Lanza, Dylan Klebold, Eric Harris, Cho Seung-Hui, Ted Bundy, Hitler, and a million other people that is elected an hero.
Competitors[edit]
Terrorist Team[edit]
During the first few days, the commies weren't identified, because the police are too fucking retarded to figure out something so easy. As it turns out, the two players on the terrorist team are Muslims. Surprise! One commie was apparently seen taking a dangerous thing out of his backpack and placing it where the second pressure cooker of the gods exploded. One of them was some 17 year old runner. Surprisingly, these two culprits weren't sand niggers, or even North Korean gooks. At first they accused some illegal alien from Saudi Arabia of doing it after the police were having a fun time playing their favorite game called 9/11.
The actual culprits were Dzhokhar Tsarnaev and Tamerlan Tsarnaev, two Chechen natives who were deeply involved in Islam. The tweet below is from Dzhokhar Tsarnaev's 
Twitter.
Terrorist Family[edit]
26 year old Tamerlan Tsarnaev married Katherine Russell and had a 3 year old daughter together named Zahara.
Tamerlan is a fashionable guy
Tamerlan training MMA
Katherine, bride of terrorist. You totally fucking would.
Katherine's dad Warren is positively shattered at the death of his son-in-law.
Kathy's mom Judy is also very sad.
Her sister Anna is in college. Has anyone banged her? Speak up.
Anna and Kathy may also have another sister. Is she a virgin?
Who benefits?[edit]
When looking at the ulterior motives behind this bombing, we need to look beyond mere Islam. We must look at individuals who benefited from the situation. These include:
- People trying to increase military spending
- Fat people who hate marathons
- New York Yankees fans.
- Kofi Kingston ("S.O.S.! I hear them shoutin'!"), a Bostonian who won his third WWE United States Championship (using his "Boom! Boom! Boom!" finisher Boom Drop to defeat Antonio Cesaro) less than 8 hours after 3 people were killed by the bombs.
Counter-Terrorist Team[edit]
Loads of people got their legs blown off and shit, it was awesome. Some argued however, that in order to race, everyone needs a pair of legs. Fascists. So, instead they ended the marathon and wasted their energies investigating the crime. Switching maps in the middle of a match is widely regarded as a form of admin abuse.
In later rounds, some guy at MIT got headshotted near a 7-11, and some chicks in an SUV got GTA'd. A car chase ensued resulting in one of the terrorists getting vehicle team-killed while the other easily got away from the dozens of pursuing police officers.
Final Score[edit]
The terrorist team epically pwned the counter-terrorists by a final score of 4 frags to 1, over the course of 3 maps.
Score by map[edit]
de_Boston (Terrorists: 3, Counter-Terrorists: 0)
cs_MIT (Terrorists: 1, Counter-Terrorists: 0)
Watertown (Terrorists: 0, Counter-Terrorists: 1) (One terrorist team killed by other via SUV.)
Graded Score[edit]
| Graded score | |
|---|---|
| Kill count: | 9/20 |
| Accuracy: | 11/20 |
| Style: | 14/20 Way to finish a race off |
| Butthurt: | 17/20 |
| Bonus: | 16/20 Escaped the bomb and lead a manhunt |
| Total score: 67/100 (C-) | |
Rank and Situation[edit]
Rank[edit]
After James Holmes killed those couch potatoes at that movie theater, some glamfags made a fire happen with over 233 people killed somewhere in Brazil, Adam Lanza the aspie pwnting several key-you-tea-looking children and had beated off the living fuck out of teh country, and other successful hardships made by an hero, this explosion's rank have killed merely 3 people, including some 8 year old boy, and some adults but severely hurt at least 183 people who are bleeding their asses off. The culprit earns a C-. The party vans came with the FBI cumming out and calling it a terrorist attack because they were secretly busy beating off to the video of 9/11 which got this in their fuckin' mind.
Situation[edit]
Once some gay marathon mostly consisting of retards in green and some gingers are all were up to the finish line, teh two twin bombs exploded. This is recently after some gooks from North Korea threatened to bomb Americunt and become the new sand niggers. It seems now possibly several gingers (who all infest Boston) are either injured or hiding (in the closet), which is why the person who did this was brave to sacrifice his life by reducing the spread of ginger vitus in Boston. Now we can keep our souls! Unfortunately, there are still more gingers haunting the world with their soulless magic! We will now have to do another thing to team up and protect the world from them as well as the beaners who caused the swine flu.
Plot[edit]
- A crowd fills with gingers, retards, Britfags, victims, and many others.
- The marchers cum in (wit their cum).
- A long time of watching a boring-ass show of a bunch of asspies marching until they cross the finish line.
- Some one fucked teh shit up. We don't know who but we do know that they did a terrible job at it as only 3 people died.
- Newsflash with butthurt reactions.
- Osama Bin Laden watches the news and gets pissed with those Korean gooks for copying him and his sand nigger prison punks.
- North Koreans could be the new sand niggers.
Videos[edit]
Many people who experienced this were shocked and decided to make JewTube videos about it. Most of them are just news story bullshit where the media ramble on about how "tragic" these events are and fail to realize that they've just been trolled by a bunch of lulzy Muslims pulling pranks on them. As for the other videos, many people just made parodies about it for the sole purpose of generating lulz and/or supporting Tsarnaev. Below are some prime examples of this:
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Theme song[edit]
I'm a sailor peg and I lost my leg! I ran past the finish line I lost my leg! I'm shipping up to Boston! (whoa oh oh) (x3) I'm shipping off to find my wooden leg! I'm a sailor peg and I lost my leg! I ran past the finish line I lost my leg! I'm shipping up to Boston! (whoa oh oh) (x3) I'm shipping off to find my wooden leg!
Trolling people who were shocked by the scene[edit]
- Tell them it was a funny situation.
- Show them this video Even if this video is better.
- Do a Harlem Shake on it like what they did here.
- Say that it was a conspiracy by Barack Obama.
- Say that it was an act by God to penalize Boston for same-sex marriage.
- Blame it on the Muslims cause they're Muslims.
- Start a forum making jokes of the event.
- Make image macros about it and post them on a Facebook page.
- Blame it on any Korean gook walking by.
- Impersonate the two culprits online like this Jodi_arias account on Twitter which successfully made many angst-ridden teens, dumbfucked adults and everyone in between extremely butthurt.
- Say that you did it.
- Blame it on the kikes.
- Just to make the FBI get their shit stirred, google "how to make bomb explosions" or something like that. (WARNING: THE FBI IS WATCHING YOU!!!!!!)
- Say that it was a blast.
- Tell people that the event was da bomb. Remind them that everybody had a blast and that the crowd really exploded at the finish line. It really blew them away.
- Point out that Anders Breivik was right about the Muslims.
- Tell people that you hope the victims "Rest in Pieces".
- Say that a terrorist is cute.
Gallery[edit]
Kikes did everything
Christfags speak
Spongebob is involved.
Someone having sex with a victim's corpse.
Please fuck the corpse, just to be safe from getting AIDS.
We all know who was responsible for this.
A tasteful tribute from the ponyfuckers.
The Sonic fans make their own tribute
I'm a sailor peg and I lost my leg.
Shocking evidence the man doesn't want you to see.
Team Rocket is Blasting off again!!!
They said I was paranoid...
New pictures emerge of a possible suspect.
A valid point.
Jews did Boston
How could this not even be who the real culprit is?!
God dayum mah beetchez dat kid looks br00t4l. Take this to the death metal gig.
The sexy beast responsible for the bombing.
Dzhokhar drew pictures of himself and his brother having GAY SEX and posted it on his deviantart account!
Dzhokhar gets interrogated
Dzhokhar gets it in the ass
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See Also[edit]
- Sandy Hook
- Colorado Theatre Shooting
- Elliot Rodger
- Vegas shooting
- 9/11
- Oklahoma City Bombing
- London Bridge Attack 2017
- ATHF Terrorist Attack
- Islam
- Terrorism
- North Korea
- Osama Bin Laden
- Boston
External Links[edit]
RaZMmoe- muazseyfullah
- J_tsar
- The New York Times' Take on it, apparently, Tsarnaev will be sentenced to death for his lulzy actions.
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Spree/One-time Killers: |
Aaron Alexis • Abdul Razak Ali Artan • Adam Lanza • Alex Hribal • Ali David Sonboly • Alyssa Bustamante • Anders Behring Breivik • Baruch Goldstein • Bruce Jeffrey Pardo • Casey Anthony • Cho Seung-Hui • Chris Harper-Mercer • Daniel Petric • Dmitry Vinogradov • Dylann Storm Roof • Elliot Rodger • Amanda Knox • George Sodini • Gerry McCann • Irvin Eugene Helton Jr • Jared Lee Loughner • Jason Rodriguez • Jeff Weise • Jiverly Voong • Joe Stack • Josef Fritzl • Kimveer Gill • Kip Kinkel • Lindsay Kantha Souvannarath • Logan Clark • Malik Nadal Hasan • Marc Lepine • Mark Essex • Martin Bryant • Matthew Murray • Matthew de Grood • Matti Saari • Maurice Clemmons • Michael Carneal • Michael Ryan • Michael Woodmansee • Mutsuo Toi • Pekka-Eric Auvinen • Raoul Moat • Robert Bales • Robert Hawkins • Robert Steinhäuser • Sebastian Bosse • Steve Stephens • TJ Lane • Tim Kretschmer • Tyler Peterson • Theodore "The Unabomber" Kaczynski • Vester Lee "Bryce Williams" Flanagan II • Wade Michael Page • Zac Penton |
|---|---|---|
| Career/Serial Killers: |
Charles Manson • Chris Benoit • Hitler • Mao Zedong • Jack the Ripper • James Holmes • Richard "The Iceman" Kuklinski • Ted Bundy • Jeffrey Dahmer | |
| Terrorists: |
Al-Qaeda • Dzhokar Tsarnaev • Omar Mateen • Santa Claus • Tamerlan Tsarnaev • Osama Bin Laden • Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold • Sam Hyde | |
| See also: |
Antisocial personality disorder • Cannibal Holocaust • Paranoid personality disorder • Sick fuck • Murder • Jews • Police Brutality |
| Featured article April 19 & 20, 2013 | ||
| Preceded by Mark Wahlberg |
Boston Marathon Bombing | Succeeded by ScrewAttack |
