Hunting

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This page relies entirely on facts.
Fact Cat knows this because of his learnings.
Sorry for the lack of dick jokes.

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Hunting is an activity that involves killing wild animals for sport or just to for food. This activity is one of the most ancient activities on the planet earth along with sex, masturbation, and crapping. Hunting is an important part of Earth's ecosystem and nessesary for life as we know it to continue.

It's also a major source of lulz.

Hunting in Nature[edit]

Yes, this actually happens.

Despite what uninformed retards like PETA and Vegans may think, hunting is not a human pastime.

Animals hunt and eat each other. This is part of nature's grand design. As long as there have been animals, there has been hunting. Even when there are nothing but herbivores in an area, animals will kill and sometimes eat each other. This is because animal bodies contain a unique balance of enzymes, minerals and vitamins that help nourish the bodies of other animals. For example, when the grass is short and low quality, cows have been known to scavenge the bones of dead animals, even hunting and eating whole rabbits to supplement their diets with important phosphorus, calcium and other nutrients.

Some animals are just meant to eat other animals. They can't survive on plants alone because their digestive track is the wrong length. If you feed a lion nothing but tofu and plants it will slowly starve to death. Many animals such as apes, raccoon and humans can survive on plants alone for a little while, but without the required proteins, vitamins, and fats meat provides we, too, will starve just like the lion!

Hunting Helps the Environment[edit]

Deer are aggressive, rape-happy bastards. They also make great burgers and stews. See the solution yet?

Responsible hunting actually helps the environment. Nature should take care of itself when left alone, but we humans just can't leave anything alone for long. Bleeding hearts want to protect the cute little deer, bunnies, squirrels, and other adorable "harmless" animals from the "big bad wolves/panthers/hawks/ect". They think the reason there aren't more cute animals is because predators are killing them.

The problem is that without predators like coyotes and wolves around, the cute little animals breed constantly until there are too many of them. Soon they spread disease among each other, their bodies weak from starvation because there just isn't enough food for them all. The population of now decidedly less cute animals collapses under it's own weight. Let's just say bunnies aren't so cute when covered in mange, starving, and dying from Myxomatosis.

Now, the same dumb fucks that said "let's kill all the predators" are still around. Whenever someone tries to re-introduce wolves in a reasonable fashion, expect farmers and wolfaboos to baww over wildlife management, and animals like panthers and badgers aren't much better off. This means humans need to step in.

Responsible hunting allows nature to recover the balance we upset. Every deer taken prevents lyme disease from reaching our cities. Ever bunny turned into stew allows endangered wildflowers to recover. Every invasive grey squirrel made into a hat allows endangered red squirrels a chance to survive. As a bonus, the hunter gets to take home loads of tasty meat, attractive bones and horns for trophies, and luxurious fur to make nice clothing. Often there is so much meat that the extra is donated to Hunters for the Hungry- a nonprofit group that feeds homeless women and children.

Humankind and hunting[edit]

A good sign that you need to take your kid hunting. NOW.

another warning sign.

Mankind has known for centuries the power a good hunt has. Hunting animals requires skill, patience, teamwork, and caution. A simple shift in the wind can send that five hundred pound stag with nature's equivalent with a cutlery drawer full of knives strapped to his head barreling in your direction, ready to kill (and possibly eat) you! Only through skill and quick thinking can man outwit beast and claim his prize.

Hunting instills a strong love of the environment and a respect for nature in a realistic sense. Hunters get to see firsthand how nature interacts with itself. All Disney-fied bullshit of gentle bunnies and deer melts away in the face of reality. Understanding how nature actually works helps the hunter become wise, compassionate, and level-headed: all good traits for being successful at life.

Parents: take your kids hunting! Boys love the excuse to get dirty and help watch their dad's back. Nothing helps a child learn his place in the world quite like brining home his first dinner with his own two hands. Even girls can get in on the action to learn how teamwork and respecting others for their strengths will get them far in the world. Teens especially need to learn that gossip, primping, and not thinking out your actions in the real world gets you mauled! And we all agree that the world could use a few less self absorbed teenagers, especially 16 year old girls.

Parents who take their family hunting do not have their kids turn out as Wolfaboos because the child knows that wolves, though decent predators, are not the be-all, end-all of nature. Wolves are just another animal that needs to keep it's numbers in check in order to stay in balance and are actually preyed-upon by more badass animals like bears and humans.

Parents who take their kids hunting also never feel the shame of finding out their kids dress up as animals while masturbating to bestiality porn because the kids know nature isn't like that and will be disgusted with the sick fuckery known as the "furry fandom". Seeing that animals aren't magical or special, they are far more likely to go out into the world and form actual human connections with real live people, get married to another human being, then live a remotely normal life.

But what about the poachers?[edit]

Raptor Jesus is a passionate wolf hunter, as well as anti-poaching badass.

Dumbfucks known as poachers have ruined the reputation of ethical hunters. A real hunter cares about the earth, and does his best to inform non-hunters about the good things hunting does for the planet. Unfortunately, there are people known as poachers who make all hunters look like heartless fucks who kill things for no reason.

The difference between a hunter and a poacher is why they kill. A hunter kills to help the environment, feed their family, and embrace nature. They obey the law, don't take females, and aim for the most populated species as often as possible. A poacher kills for money only. They don't care if they break laws, killed a pregnant female of an endangered species, or are hurting the environment. All they see is dollar signs.

Hunters hate poachers because poachers are destroying the environment. Without a healthy environment there is nothing to hunt! Many rangers who spend time tracking poachers and protecting wildlife are also avid hunters.