Taxes
Taxes are a financial charge or levy on an individual or legal entity created and designed by the Jews to support infrastructure projects, government agencies, and negros. Taxes penalize those who work by taking their stuff and giving it to people who don’t work. Taxes, along with Death are the only two certainties in life, unless you are gay which means that the third certainty of life is AIDS and is a precursor to Death.
Contents
Definition[edit]
Taxes
- Pronunciation:
(tæk sez)
- As a noun:
- Removal of charity by gunpoint.
- Where the government takes your money to perform a duty you should have done anyways. Once the government has the money, the duty is not performed, or performed unsatisfactorily.
Use taxes in a Sentence:
Whenever I see lazy Puerto Ricans I think of how my taxes paid for their health care and welfare.
- As a verb:
- To drain.
Use taxes in a Sentence:
Just thinking about the 1040 forum taxes my constitution.
History[edit]
| —that dude on that 100 dollar thing | ||
To Tax comes from the Latin root word “tangere” which means to anally rape with a chainsaw. Nobody is quite sure who started this form of theft, but many scholars believe that taxes were initially invented by the Egyptians around 3000 BC. It went something like this:
- Pharaoh needs new pyramid or monument built.
- Pharaoh sends out his minions to collect money for monument.
- Pharaoh’s subjects give money to the minions. Those who refuse to pay are beaten and robbed anyways. Those without anything to give are either placed in prison or made into slaves. Not all taxes, especially back then, were in the form of money, mostly it was in the form of grain, farm animals, or blow jobs.
- Pharaoh combines all of the loot into a big pile, takes his cut, then shares it out amongst his friends. Some of the booty is used to make the pyramid.
Purpose[edit]
| —Old, but wise saying | ||
Taxation has four main purposes, these are Revenue, Redistribution, Repricing, and Representation. None of these purposes matter much considering the fact that all of it is redistributed to some non-working fuck who lays around on his couch watching television all day on your dime.
There are those, who have been convinced to the point where they find paying taxes as a moral obligation to live in society implying that everyone had the choice to live in society. (FUN FACT: America didn't always have direct taxation.) In fact, Americans have been so brainwashed to the point that if anyone questions the way of taxation, these tax-lovers will get so pissed off that they'll scream and tell the questioner to leave and go to Somalia. (ANOTHER FUN FACT: these people never left the US themselves.) Americans believe that tax-evaders are worse than terrorists. (YET ANOTHER FUN FACT: The Founding Fathers were tax-evaders.) Speaking against taxation in America is like calling Muhammad a pig-fucker in Mecca.
Types of Taxation[edit]
| —Another wise old saying. | ||
There are two main types of taxation. One is direct tax, which means you have to pay a set amount every year. The other type of taxation is indirect tax, which is when they rape you when you go to buy a pack of cigarettes.
How Taxes Effect You[edit]
| —Ronald Reagan - noted tax expert | ||
Since you are the low man on the taxation totem pole, you, and your peers, are the only ones who are effected by taxation. When a tax is levied against a business, they just raise their pricing to defer the money that they are losing. If that does not work and the company is still not making money, they then go and lower the amount of money they pay out to their employees. Finally, if that still doesn’t work, the employer will lower the benefits that employees receive to further cut their tax cost.
Even if you do not work, this still effects you. Since you have to go out and buy products or services, now you have to deal with the employees of taxed companies. Since they are pretty much pissed off about their lack of wages and benefits, you get shitty service and higher prices.
If, you happen to be lucky enough to be rich, you support everybody., and your leader who claims to support the working class like a good left-winger can buy his third house.
How Elected Officials Use Tax Money[edit]
Contrary to popular belief, only 00.000000000000001% of the money that is stolen from you goes to benefit your country/state/city/region/etc. The rest of the 99.999999999999999% goes to,
- Hookers
- Blow
- Hookers and Blow
- Las Vegas
- Private Jet
- Pork.
- Employing their deadbeat brother
- Housing, feeding and educating every Third World wog and nigger.
- And of course, Nukes... shitloads of Nukes.
Taxes in Canada[edit]
In the great land of Canada, the two types of taxes are the goods and services tax (gst) plus the provincial sales tax (pst), combined into the wonder all in one Harmonized sales tax( Hst). For years the rate for the gst was a standard 7% , but then cowboy harper stepped in and lowered it to 6% and then 5%. MOST people would be happy over this, however since the change, the rate for New Brunswick went from 15% to 13%, making use of millions of more pennies every year and pissing off people when they empty out their pockets. Thanks
Ethical Basis for Taxes[edit]
| —Yet another wise old saying | ||
The people who make up the tax laws and then carry them out make a case that taxes are ethical as they are used for the public good.
Examples of how some of the 2008 Tax Monies are being used:
- Bridge to Nowhere, Alaska: 2 million dollars
- Big Dig Project, Massachusetts: 14.6 billion dollars to build a 3.5 mile tunnel
- 7.5 million dollars spent on wine research
- 5.5 million for people to visit farms in Ohio. Was termed “Innovative Food Technology”
- 14 million dollars to research pasture land in Utah
- 4.6 million dollars to “increase the public image of beer” by the National Hops Institute
- 1.7 million dollars given to the Ben Franklin Turkey fund…they still want to make the national bird the Turkey and get rid of the Bald Eagle.
Tax Software[edit]
| —Merl of Ainsworth NE | ||
There are many ways to file taxes via the internet or by using various software. However, when the United States Secretary of the Treasury, Tim Geitner, cannot file his own taxes with TurboTax, and even ends up under investigation, you can see how helpful these programs and websites actually are to the average taxpayer.
Here is a list of popular tax software websites that look like they were designed by the same people who make porn websites. On these links, you will be able to find tax software to do your taxes. <---or you could just click that link, hint hint.
- TurboTax is probably the most popular, and most problematic.
- HR Block's website...where you are greeted with a happy, smiling face...as they rip you off.
- TaxAct, where you can e-file for free...what they don't tell you is that it works only half the time.
- TAX SLAYER ROCK ON!!!
- TaxBrain - which is the most expensive of all of the e-filers, and it gets the second worse grade.
While all of these programs do just about the same thing, they are all prone to their own foibles. Sometimes the user is better off just not paying their taxes at all rather than to put up with the hoops they have to jump through.
Here are some negative testimonials:
| —Jaime commenting on TurboTax |
| —Dorothy, commenting on TurboTax |
| —Jeymi, another disgruntled user |
| —Amanda, who filed online |
| —David, who, despite being cool, doesn't use TAX SLAYER any more |
Taxes Around the Internet[edit]
There are several web messageboards dedicated to helping taxpayers and to giving out free information regarding tax laws. The main problem with this is that anybody can jump online at the local library and ask the most idiotic questions imaginable. Here are some of those web messageboards:
Gallery of Stupid Questions[edit]
It is astounding what people think they can get away with. Also, it is quite amazing that grown adults still think of the government as "a friend."
Wake up honey
I AM USING CAPS LOCK BECAUSE MY SHIFT BUTTON IS BROKEN
Yes, in the wonderful and magical land of Minnesota, you can deduct dance classes...
How do I shot taxes?
You can claim whatever you want, what the IRS choose to let you actually use is a different story.
Welcome to the IRS, is this your first time?
This guy is lucky there is no such thing as Debtor's Prison
Same with this guy
One hand is not watching what the other hand is doing
Fishing is taxable?!?!?!!?
Even amid the desparate battle, these two have managed to find love
They have taxes, too!
Video[edit]
Gallery of Raep[edit]
The Government is ever the opportunist.
Another lax taxpayer.
These girls are paying the only way they know how
Typical
Taxation at gunpoint
Taxes go to publicly funded schools...oh shi-
Wont you please think of the needy?
IRS meeting
Seen on Tax assessor's desk
Typical IRS home visit
It must be April 16th
He didn't file on time
Simplified Taxation Form
See Also[edit]
- This is a given
- This is also a given
- Want to work for the IRS? Here is a checklist!
- April 15th EVERY year
- Libertarianism
External Links[edit]
| Featured article October 3 & 4, 2016 | ||
| Preceded by BeCandid |
Taxes | Succeeded by Misha Silenosti |
