Penn State Scandal
In 2011, Pennsylvania State University, once known for their legendary Nittany Lions football team, evolved into Ped State, the East Coast's collegiate hotspot for pedophilia, thanks to allegations of inappropriate touching, oral sex, anal sex, back cracking, and naked soaped-up bear hugs in the shower with young boys. These NAMBLA playdates go back to 1998 and were conducted by former Penn State football assistant coach Jerry Sandusky, while the university, including Penn State president, Graham Spanier, covered up those incidents for years. It was also suspected that head coach Joe Paterno knew of Sandusky's antics. Thankfully, everyone involved got what they deserved in the end; Spanier was fired and will forever be seen as the figurehead of Penn State's forever tarnished legacy, Paterno died of cancer and Sandusky was convicted and will go to prison forevar.
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Flagged for Unnecessary Roughness[edit]
This entire mess was started when Coach Sandusky went all tough love on the student body. Sandusky's "coaching technique" emphasized P.E., as well as politics, economics (specifically, the lesson that people in power will routinely fuck them up the ass) and science (via Sandusky's breakthrough work in sphincter elasticity and conclusive proof that a 12-year-old boy cannot subsist on a diet of roofies, Jesus Juice, and semen). Needless to say, the children's parents became rather butthurt about their children's hurt butts, as well as upset that they had to waste time cleaning bloody santorum stains out of the kiddies' pants when they could have been doing something else.
The man responsible for busting the story wide open (just like Sandusky did to his young victims' asses) was Mike McQueary who, according to the Grand Jury report against Sandusky, took action after witnessing a boy being dicked in a Penn State shower in 2002:
After being informed by McQueary of the aforementioned lovin', Paterno notified Athletic Director Tim Curley about the incident and law enforcement finally got involved. Prosecutors were initially reluctant to get involved since an attorney who had earlier tried to go after Penn state had completely disappeared from the face of the earth in 2005. Finally on November 5, 2011, Sandusky was arrested and charged with seven counts of involuntary deviant sexual intercourse, as well as eight counts of corruption of minors, eight counts of endangering the welfare of a child, seven counts of indecent assault, and other offenses.
Joe Paterno Gets Fired... and Dies[edit]
After banning Sandusky's pederass from campus on November 6th, 2011, Penn State's Board of Trustees finally realized that their school was looking royally fucked to everyone who doesn't go there and faced a dilemma. With the old media pounding the college over Sandusky's pounding of children and demanding answers louder that any bureaucratic spin or justification of the rapes by the university's idiotic football-obsessed student body could, how could Penn State save face? Simply put, they couldn't, but they sure did their best to try.
On November 9th 2011, the Board fired both the president of Penn State and Paterno, the forty-plus year handegg coach. In response, the students collectively shat bricks and went Occupy Wall Street on campus by setting fires, tipping over vans and hurting innocents. Apparently, you don't fuck with fanatic college football fans from Pennsylvania, who clearly care more about football than child rape. Thankfully, Penn's State's actions were applauded by every non-sick fuck out there, revealing the fans for what they are; total wastes of life that don't realize they're making fools out of themselves on ESPN, like in this video:
One non-violent group, the Gay Nigger Association of America, released a press release approving Joe Paterno's actions and alleging his impeding run as a president of the GNAA:
Yet, the GNAA never got their new president, as Joe Paterno died soon after. Why? Medical professionals say it was due to lung cancer, but it was really because Paterno was an old chain smoking cunt. The football fanatics BAWWWed and attempted to martyr Paterno as an American hero, while Chris Hansen most likely cheered his death and danced on his grave soon after he was buried.
About Sandusky[edit]
| —Jerry Sandusky on working at Ped State | ||
| —An Amazon.com user review of Jerry Sandusky's totally real autobiography | ||
NBC Interview[edit]
| — Jerry, on how he "slid" into a kid's bunghole | ||
In a candid interview with NBC correspondent Bob Costas, Sandusky claimed this whole thing is a big misunderstanding. Although not sexually attracted to boys, he enjoys some good horseplay and shenanigans in the shower, like anyone else. He also said everyone who accuses him of wrongdoing is LYING, but he was unable to explain to Costas why his cock had a blown-out boy sphincter wrapped around it at the time of the interview. Similarly, Sandusky had a small splotch of B- blood on his pants, which didn't match his own Rapefiend+ blood type.
Coach "CuddleMonster" Sandusky failed to realize that justice wouldn't take kindly to the 48 felony charges related to little boy rape, and it would cut right through his LOL NOT ME arguments in court. However, he did apparently realize how fucked up he looked on TV, so Sandusky found his iPod disappeared like that DA did who investigated the case a few years back, and remained silent from then on, even at his criminal trial, where he did not take the stand in his own defense.
Months after the interview, it was revealed that NBC edited the interview to make Sundusky look better. But, unlike when they edited that video regarding the death of Trayvon Martin, no one cared. Not only were the children involved here not black, but the interview, as it stood, already made Sandusky's conviction a slam dunk.
GUILTY[edit]
On June 22nd, 2012, the jury in Sandusky's trial returned a verdict of guilty on 45 out of 48 charges of inflicting Goatse on a child. The timing of this was interesting, as the day before, Sandusky's adopted son, Matt, said daddy touched his special place, too. While the jury, much like you, was sequestered in a dark room with no outside contact for most of the trial, it is likely that they somehow found out in between sessions of fapping to the victims' testimonies.
As Sandusky was read his verdict, it was said that he remained stone-faced, as he knew that this meant he'll be going to spend the rest of his life having a giant nigger doing the same thing to him that he did to little boys. It remains to be seen if he might actually enjoy this, but seeing as Sandusky only did it with white boys before his conviction, and that Bubba is a grown man, he probably won't.
Sentencing[edit]
On October 9th of that same year, the judge sentenced Sandusky to thirty to sixty years in a pound-you-in-the-ass prison. Of course, old Jerry couldn't leave to spend the rest of his life as Bubba's bitch without getting the last word in. In his own statement before the judge, he claimed that he only ever had sex with his wife, and blamed the victims because they were asking for it. Naturally, the victims were as butthurt about this as they were in those showers, and Jerry ensured he's likely going to die in prison. He won't be eligible for parole until he is 98 years old.
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