South Africa
South Africa, (Known as 'South AIDSfrica' in Zulu, 'Zowd Gayfrica' in Afrikunts), and 'Sooth Efreeka' by the British actors employees of the South African Consulate in Lethal Weapon 2, is black gang territory located somewhere in Africa, reportedly in the southern region. It is full of AIDS, rape, fail and the most enlightened cunts in the world. South Africa is the one place you do not want to be (next to Zimbabwe). The current president of South Africa is Wikus van de Merwe, who disposed of many Prawns and humans in a slum called District 9.
Contents
People[edit]
This thriving democracy gains attention for being the country with both the world's highest crime and AIDS infection rates, along with the most corrupt government since at least 100 years ago. SA has eleven official languages, ten of which are archaic and completely redundant. The only non-English word you need to know is "eish", which is Souf Effrikan for OH NOES!!! It is also the one of the only African countries with white people left, along with Zimbabwe (where they may already be extinct), and Namibia but this is only because they are too poor to afford a plane ticket back to bloody Britain. The only things South Africa is good for are the mining of diamonds and gold and for 'redistributing' everything from the whities. IT SHOULD ALSO BE NOTED, THE WHITIES ARE THE BEST PART OF EVERYTHING. DON'T TRUST THE BLACKIES. THEY'RE SHIT.
A survey published in March 2004 shows that South Africans spend more time at funerals than they do having their hair cut, shopping or having "braais". [1]South Africans also spend their time on the internet for 5 hours at a time, just to have a trololol time pretending to be britfags, when it should be lolnope.
The South African agricultural sector is renowned for its peaceful and uneventful atmosphere.
White People[edit]
Three percent of the population is of English stock, otherwise Scottish, Irish, or Welsh. There is also significant German, Italian, and Gay communities. They are normal Europeans and not to be mistaken with the...
Dutchmen[edit]
A large part of South Africa's caucasian population is made up of inbred Eurotrash. Dutchmen are the South African equivalent of the AmeriCUNT redneck with a rich and highly evolved culture, dating back many centuries. Most associate with southern US traditions such as country music, cowboys, lynching/raping niggers, and the pretense of conservative values despite being twisted fucks.
Jews[edit]
Everywhere. Ditto for dot heads.
(Wild) Boars[edit]
Also known as the Albino Nigger, Boars, or White Africans, are a unique sub-tribe of genetically-challenged Khoisan. Loathed by their neighbors due to their lack of skin pigmentation and general bellicosity they developed in isolation herding their goats. Before the 16th century, they were only able to communicate using grunts and clicking sounds and it wasn't until the first contact with the Dutch that they learnt the over-importance of the vowel. Seeing that every other tribe around them had an established form of communication, but being too self-hating to adopt a Bantu dialect, they proceeded to mutilate four European languages (mostly Dutch) and rape them together into one disgusting, offensive abortion of a language with too many vowels, which they called Afrikaaaans. In the same manner, their sneaky cultural strategy was to convince the British that they were not Black, but the Brits having circumnavigated the World and knowing a nigger when they see one replied, "Whatever, GTFO". Boars are very proud of their GTFO which they call "voortreek" and constitutes the cornerstone of their history. Preparing for the eve of the XX century, and having the normal Niggers already domesticated, the Victorian British figured there was only one obstacle from making their African Colonies the Richest of the Crown: the pervasive yet elusive presence of the Wild Boars trying to impersonate White People. There was a need for a Final Solution. The Brits proceeded to borrow the last Spanish invention, the Concentration Camp, and tried it out in the Bushland in an almost successful attempt to thin the herds of boars. Fifty years later this semi-human animal partnered with another quasi-human species with a concentration camp fetish. That year, both the State of Israel and the Nationalist Union of South Africa were created, both carved out of a languishing British Empire. The pale niggers, both in Palestine and in Africa, proceeded to establish a system of separation within their country; not between rich and poor as reason would dictate, or even between AIDS-filled-Niggers and Whites, but between different kinds of Niggers. The Albino Nigger, or Boar, ended up at the top of the food chain. For fear of being mistakenly identified as one, most of the real Europeans fled South Africa at least ninety years ago. The rest is serological history. Now while these "whites" are inbred negros they are never to be confused with the almighty, all small...
Uber Afrikaners[edit]
Now while the name implies they are great, they are only better then the wild Boars because of their inherent tendency to be white which allows them superiority over the niggers. These actual whites (specifically Dutch) were the leaders of the Boar herd leading them to the cities teaching them how to not be illiterate. This would serve them well as it allowed them to write down how much they wanted to fuck pigs and other farm animals. These "Uber Afrikaners" had the brains and strength of the nation with notable Uber Afrikaaners being Koos De Le ray, Christiaan the Wettest, and Paul Kruger. However, after the apartheid ended most went into the underground and are yet to be found. Good riddance.
Kaffirs[edit]
South Africa is the only place that has a unique breed of niggers, commonly known as Kaffirs (say: kah-furs), which means "unbeliever" in Arabic. They may further divided into Bantu and Khoisan groups. These people are the closest thing to the missing link between humans and apes on Earth, and complete fucktards. They do not show any sign of critical thought or reasoning, and can not be approached in the same way you talk to a white person in SA. In order to communicate with these things first you need to approach the herd. If you are a White person, this can be very hard, as they oppose anything white (even especially toilet paper and soap). Then you must seek the alpha male; they can be spotted by their ultra flat noses and their limp, aka their "stride." If your attempts to communicate are accepted you may proceed (if not, slowly walk backward until at least a block away, then RUN). This usually involves repeating everything five times and using easy-to-understand words. If you see their eyes begin to water and they respond with "eh" you know the little bug inside their head that controls them has just fallen off the cork and landed in the water, causing massive malfunction and a system reboot. (The bug has to get onto the cork again.) This means you have to start again using even smaller words and more sign language.
Indian[edit]
Indians also called Japaties, Hooligans, Brown shit, Soil, faggots and Curry Munchers, are known EXTREMELY well for their delicious spices, and their invention, the "Bunny Chow". The Bunny Chow is made up of half a loaf of bread, with the inside of the bread cut out they begin to put spices, leaves, chicken, meat (since chicken isn't really meat), rice and other shit in too. Hence the name "Curry muncher". They also have a dot in the middle of their forehead which shows stupidity, faggotry and to them, enhances their beauty. This is not the case, it's pretty fucking annoying if you ask the rest, and the town, Durban is filled with these cunts. Indie Sex.. EWWW! Curreh Muncha's also have a need to take off their shoes at the doorstep of somebody's house. The fact that they do that, is because they are lazy fucks that can't clean their own house. They also have a tendency of hiring maids by the name Patience or Gloria. They hire gardeners by the name Geoffry, Justice and Godfree.
Coloureds[edit]
Coloured people are some mongrel combination of the above. They are also known by the affectionate terms "gammie" and "hotnot". Greek, Portuguese and Lesbian immigrants also fall under this category.
History[edit]
The History of South Africa is composed mostly of tl;dr and is lightly dusted with lulz.[edit]
- The country was formed in 1652 by anonymous rapey Dutch guys searching for spices. Remember that the area was already occupied and being fought over by millions of Zulus, Bantus, Xhosa, bushmen, etc. etc. etc. even though it was shitty real estate in the first place. Most of it is garbage desert and barely-usable pastureland.
- In 1820, when the British Empire herd 'bout it, they sent over 9,000 settlers and dropkicked the Dutch straight to Bantown. These displaced, drugged hobos became known as "Voortrekkers", and are today known as "Afrikaners".
- By 1838 the Voortrekkers had driven their bandwagon so far up the country that they were forced into a war against the Zulus. The Voortrekkers prayed to their mighty Christian God and told Him that if He helped them pwn the Zulus then they would delete all the pr0n on their harddrive.
- 10,000 Zulu Warriors Zerged the Voortrekkers' base, defended by an army of only 470 Voortrekkers with magical fire-sticks. 3,000 Zulus got fatally headshot. Only three Voortrekkers were wounded. This great historical event was called the Battle of Blood River, and is living proof that you can't win the game if you don't upgrade your tech tree.
- After this mighty victory the Voortrekkers began to separate with the Northern Republics of Transvaal and the Orange free state with a whole bunch of other small ones in the mix. How to define these "countries" is that the Orange free state is gay and Transvaal was a mighty civilizing force. However none compared TO MIGHTY STELLALAND. ALL HAIL.
- After the British "invaded" Transvaal their force of 3,000 got dropkicked by some 1,200 farmers This humiliating led into the revenge of the Britfags where they got stomped by a smaller Boerfag force until the Boerfags said "fuck it I have pron to browse" and let the war end.
- The British ruled South Africa for at least 100 years before they realized that the colony was a worthless shithole rivaling even greatest Australia. The whiteys who stayed decided to construct a country where they would have pwnership of all the gold and the diamonds and the spacebux and the governments and then segregated so that they would not have to endure the powerful smell of the darkies. They called this invention "Apartheid."
- This created massive drama with the Afrikanbraaier Britfag alliance and the dirty kaffirs until about 1990 when it was officially declared an old meme and an enemy of the lulz. As the ruling party closed all the pools and posted their Goodbye Thread all over the world's forums, many South Africans began to panic. Whitey thought that there would be a hueg civil war and everything would go to hell (which even happened) when the Keys to the Government were handed over to a bunch of black people. They purchased tonnes of canned food (SRSLY) and hid under their beds for years. Sometime Last Thursday, Whitey ran out of baked beans, poked his wee little head outside and found that his front steps had become home to a pack of Nigras.
- Whitey's immediate response to this was to hastily evacuate all his children to London, Australia, New Zealand, London, Ireland, London, London, Canada, and Dubai. Because the First World is full of incredibly lazy people, the hardworking nature of the white South Africans landed them great jobs on factory assembly lines.
- These immigrants were given a nickname, they were called "Saffirs," or "Saffas." This word is derived from the word "kaffirs," which is what white people used to call blacks in the days of Apartheid. Ironically, the word "Saffa" is a racial slur used today to refer to white South African immigrants. This is funny, since most Saffas are too dumb to understand it.
- Back in South Africa, with Whitey out of the way, the nigras predictably lost focus and became bored with gold farming and mining blood diamonds, so they turned to the more fulfilling, traditional nigra occupations of alcoholism, raping one another, looting their own economy, and spreading AIDS. This latter activity has been hilariously abetted by a variety of trolls: the Catholic Church campaigns against condoms while simultaneously providing free nuns to priests for a clean raping experience; recent president Thabo Mbeki doesn't see a problem; and witch doctors routinely spread the belief that sex with a virgin cures AIDS, resulting in much brutality. Result: baby fucking. At present, AIDS is South Africa's chief export and AIDS funding 90% of its GDP; if AIDS were to be cured, it would bankrupt the country, joining the sad likes of Iceland and Greece. In light of this (and in instinctual nigra fashion), President Zuma has decreed that the AIDS money received thus far will instead be spent on a final solution to the Zimbabwean refugee issue, so as to keep the WHO gravy train chugging along, and all the Americunt abstinence-only AIDS-education money rolling in.
South Africa <3 Rape[edit]
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FACT ALERT: 1 in 4 South African men surveyed admit to rape |
A notable invention made in South Africa is an anti-rape device called the Rapex (do not confuse it with the heavy metal rock group). Women stick the Rapex up their vaginas and if an unwanted intruder dares to invade the fortress, the Rapex's barbs will pierce into the flesh of the penis, causing intense pain. The Rapex can then only be removed through surgery, requiring a trip to a hospital and then to Bantown. It will not only be used for anti-rape but will enhance underwater swimming capabilities by doubling as an extra fin. Ms. Ehlers said she was inspired after meeting a traumatized rape victim who told her, "If only I had teeth down there."[http://www.smh.com.au/news/world/controversy-in-south-africa-over-device-to-snare-rapists/2005/09/01/1125302683893.html?
The Rapex condom does indeed help to decrease the number of rape victims. By shoving painful barbs into the penis of the man trying to penetrate you, you've guaranteed you won't be raped. You have instead guaranteed that you'll be beaten until dead, if you're lucky. Congrats!
Apart from the Rapex, it is widely believed that South Africa is rape heaven srsly. In South Africa the average 12 year old has raeped over 9000 babies, and the average woman has been raped over 9000 times, most of those during their early teens and by a trusted family member, including, but not limited to: father, brother, mother, uncle, aunt, grandfather, and cousin. India is presently on track to surpass South Africa in this department by an order of magnitude, however, so this grand South African cultural achievement will fade into history like so many whitey fantasies of conquest.
Fun Facts[edit]
- A survey published in March 2004 shows that South Africans spend more time at funerals than they do having their hair cut, shopping or having "braais."[2]
- Despite apartheid having ended nearly 30 years ago, only 14 per cent of South African professors are black. Take our simple entry-level test to see if you can spot the reason. Choose from the following:
a) Coons are nearly all dumber than whites.
b) Whites are nearly all smarter than niggers.
c) Any other niggers with an ounce of sense got the hell out of this Aids-riddled, murderous hellhole the minute they could leave home.
d) Niggas are naturally in touch with their ancestral roots, and formal education is Whitey's conspiracy to tether blacks to capitalism.
How did you score?
Score zero points if you answered a, b, c, or d.
The correct answer is actually "because wacism!" Congratulations, have a diploma!
Music[edit]
South African National Anthem
The gentle, melodious sounds of traditional South African music; notice the similarity to the sound of flies swarming the body of a starved Ethiopian.
This the creme de la creme of South African rap
Gallery[edit]
See Also[edit]
- Africa
- Botswana
- Apartheid
- Baby Fuck
- Rape
- AIDS
- Gold
- Diamonds
- Brenda Williams
- Die Antwoord
- Hottentot Venus
- Mozambique
- Black person
- Zimbabwe
- Eugene Terreblanche
- Vuvuzela
External Links[edit]
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South Africa is part of a series on the |
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