Adoption, Part 1: The Roller coaster

The path to our third son has been an interesting one. More like a roller coaster actually. I have posted previously about how God called us to adoption, and our first 24 hours with baby brother. It appears I have not blogged about the last 6 months of emotional turmoil we have been in wondering if our son was going to be ripped away from us after being ours for over half of his life and taken far away from us and his biological family to live with strangers in another state. (If that seems like a long, emotionally charged statement, well it is...) We are over the moon happy to share that after 565 days in foster care, he is home forever. Parts of his story are his alone, but some, we will share here. Since I haven't posted about the events of the last 6 months, I will start there.

(Be still, my heart. I could smother him with kisses every day. Oh, wait...I already do that. And he's finally grown accustomed to it. LOL)

Baby Brother's Adoption Photos - 2 1/2 years old

When termination of parental rights has occurred, and no biological family can be found, there is typically a 90 day waiting period before an adoption can take place (usually by the foster family). Though baby brother's future was up in the air with the Indian Child Welfare Act (which states that it is in the best interest of a native child to be raised by a native family if no biological family can be found), the tribes had yet to come up with an open family for him. We were hoping we could sail through the 90 days and petition to adopt him and see what the judge would say. A few weeks before this occurred, there was a family located. A non-related, stranger native family who lived 600 miles away from his biological family and us. In many cases, the wishes of the foster family (quite possibly the ones who love the child the most) are not at all considered. However, there comes a time, when foster families are able to get a lawyer and at least present their case to the judge. We had passed this time, so this is what we did. We intervened. (He had been with us over a year and he was not yet 2!)

August 1, 2017 we went to court. We presented to the judge our petition. We felt it was in baby brother's best interest to stay right where he was. The place where he KNEW he belonged. It was right around this time that something changed in him. I'm not sure if it was just the length of time, or the fact that he was no longer having regular contact with his biological family, but it was a noticeable change. He went from being happy and safe in our home to being HOME. There is no way to explain it really. After a year (A YEAR), he had a sense of belonging. And the law wished to rip that away from him. Since he could not speak for himself, we spoke for him.

He had already lost a family in his short life, and we didn't believe it was in his best interest to lose another. Our case was that he already had strong attachment to us and to our family (breaking attachment at a young age has serious, long lasting ramifications and this had already happened once), and his biological family (mother, father, and grandmother - his primary caregiver prior to removal) all testified that they wanted us to adopt him.

The judge denied our petition. After he finalized our adoption (spoiler alert), he told us it was one of the hardest cases of his entire career - and he is retiring in a few months! He said he really, really wanted us to adopt, and felt it was in the best interest of baby brother, but felt his hands were tied with the law. We were absolutely CRUSHED. And SHOCKED. How could this be right?

(Shirts for the adoption party! Thanks, Michelle!)

We wanted to appeal. We felt we should have won. Not to mention, we felt this would do real, emotional harm to him, to gain a culture that he would not have had in his biological family, if they had stayed together. It made no sense, but the cost of the appeal was extraordinarily high. Through God moving some very big mountains, we came to find a firm who appealed for us pro bono. The firm was able to secure a stay for us - which meant, in the interest of not moving him multiple times, if we were to win on appeal, he would stay in our home until the appeal had been ruled on.

At this point, the potential adoptive couple removed their names from consideration. And who could blame them? They were looking at several months of uncertainty and waiting, for a child they had met once for 3 hours, when there were plenty of children in need of a home now. The tribes tried to find another family, but were unable, so they agreed to let us adopt. We won our son on a technicality. We believe we should have won on merit and the law should be changed. That is a precedent that the appeal would set if we won. And we felt we could win, but it was not guaranteed. So we had to remind ourselves... our VERY FIRST priority is this child. Our son. And what was/is best for him. And we could secure that for him (and us!). So we dropped the appeal, and became parents again. But the passion we have to amend this law remains. It is destroying the hearts of children across the country every day. And it is devastating them.

(We did our Christmas Card photo shoot at Thanksgiving. We had been told by CPS we would "definitely" have the adoption by Christmas. So I planned the card accordingly...and as the days and weeks passed when I would have "definitely" had my card in the mail by now...we still didn't even have a date. So...we mailed the card on the way home from the adoption...on January 8. And Chad cleverly closed the envelopes with some red tape and wrote, "Sorry, this year our card got caught up in some red tape." Love it. :))

(I don't use the kid's names on the blog, so these photos will be removed in a week.)

"You will ALWAYS be able to find good reasons to stay right where you are if you want to live a scared life. You will ALWAYS be able to put together a fact sheet of why you should attempt nothing, try nothing, risk nothing, sacrifice nothing." - Rick Atchley

We risked. We tried. We sacrificed. We cried. We stretched. But, God...He supplied.

Part 2

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