How should I begin writing this… I have not been truly able to express my thoughts and feelings on this topic, I guess it is because I have been trying my best to ignore them and to just bury them far away at the back of my mind. Even thinking about this makes me feel things I do not want to feel..
I met this person back in 2018 and we were both only 15 years old. Both so immature and naive but yet we acted as if we knew it all. You were the last person in my mind that I would have ever imagined to develop any form of intimacy with and yet we did. I would never have expected you to become “my” person as well. Was meeting you for the better or for the worst?
I was able to see different sides of me that I never knew I had. I was tested to my absolute limits and breaking points. It was truly exhausting and self draining but it did help me to learn a lot about myself and I was able to see how strong of a person I truly was. I went to the extreme for you, I went to places where not many people would have. Majority would leave after seeing so many red flags but I continued to stay and I stayed for so long as I genuinely believed and trusted you but it did not work out in the end like how everyone warned me. I chose to ignore all the warning signs and decided to continue to dive in deeper with you. The amount of nights I spent alone in my room crying my eyes out, till the point where I could no longer feel a thing was unimaginable. I felt like such a burden for being that way and for feeling those feelings but then again I should not blame myself for feeling things right?
You also brought out the best in me, I used to be such an unaffectionate person who was unable to express any form of feeling or emotion. I struggled with my self confidence and had very low self esteem. I was very introverted and always feared trying new things, getting out of my comfort zone and struggled with being ok with myself in general. You taught me how to love, how to show how grateful and thankful for the people around me, how to openly show my affection to others. You taught me how to love myself, you gave me so much confidence and self esteem I was never this satisfied with myself before. You taught me how to be myself. I never had to pretend to be someone else whenever I was with you. I loved who I was when I was with you.
Being around you felt like home. You were always the first person I would run to whenever I had problems or difficulties in my life. I trusted you with everything and oh how I wished you felt the same way.
In the end, things did not turn out like how we both expected. It was truly one heck of a roller coaster how things ended. It was really scary and traumatising. Even though it has been 6 months, I still have yet to fully heal from everything and things in my daily life remind me of you all the time. There is so many things I want to tell you, so many new stories I want to share with you but I sadly can’t as you’re no longer “my” person and I’m no longer yours. Maybe one day we will meet again? Maybe one day we will meet again strangers who know each other a bit too well. Till then, I wish you all the best. Thank you for the past 2 years.
C
