I want to start by saying thank you to everyone who has supported my career up until this point, in particular those who have offered their financial support via Patreon, PayPal, merch sales and other avenues of crowdfunding support. Seriously, I cannot thank you enough for what you’ve done for me.
For the past three years, my full time job has been self employed games critic, and that would never have been possible without the outpouring of audience support I’ve received since I turned to Patreon.
I’ve been able to dedicate the past three years of my life to creating whatever content I wanted, honing my craft as a writer, podcaster and content creator, and build a portfolio I can be incredibly proud of. I went from unproven writer with no formal qualifications to a known name within the games industry, and I could never have managed that without your support.
You as an audience made this possible.
Patreon has been my life as a creator for the past three years, but the time has come for me to move onto a new and exciting challenge.
Starting in a few days, I will be leaving Patreon behind and starting a full time editorial position at a major gaming outlet, to be announced Monday.
So, why am I doing this, and what does it mean for my content production going forward?
The outlet I am moving to are happy for me to continue creating the content I love in my free time. I can still record Podquisition with Jim and Gavin every week. I can still discuss gaming porn with Geek Remix once per week. I can still adventure with the Avant Garde in Dice Funk. I can still break down Steven Universe episodes with my housemates.I just can’t do it funded by Patreon.
Being in an editorial position at a major outlet, there’s a potential conflict of interest introduced by the open support nature of Patreon. Any games personality, be they a developer or a gaming personality, could back me on Patreon and provide a potential conflict of interest.
In order to take the full time editorial position, the Patreon had to go. The Patreon content could remain.
On top of that, I think it’s important to talk about the personal side of my moving away from Patreon and towards more structured employment.
While being self employed via Patreon has in many ways been a dream come true, it has also structurally taken a toll on my mental health. By the nature of being supported directly by my audience, with the people who consume my content being the same people paying my salary, I felt a need to create content constantly. 18 hour days at my computer, working seven days a week, never taking time away from work without feeling immensely guilty.
I felt I had to constantly be creating more, creating better, working longer days, taking fewer breaks, and pushing myself further to justify my income.
If I wasn’t creating, the people who consume my content were paying for nothing.
I as a person became the product I was selling. I felt I had to fill the gaps between uploads with parts of myself. I felt like my audience had granted me this dream job, and anything less than dedicating myself 100% of the time to my work was doing a disservice.
With no set working hours, it was easy to become unhealthily obsessed with my work. I burned out more than once. I pushed myself to my limits. I started to make mistakes with my work.
My work went downhill because I was constantly stressed about the work I produced being good enough to justify audience funding. I took stupid risks that didn’t pan out. I over stretched myself.
Every time a $1 per month backer left, my paranoia grew that I wasn’t working enough. I knew on paper that finances fluctuate naturally, but I always took it as a reflection on my work.
Simply put, while Patreon is something I will be forever greatful for, over three years I have realised it isn’t good for my long term mental health, at least in the way I ended up using it.
I decided to go and work for a major gaming outlet, leaving Patreon behind, because I honestly believe the best thing for my mental health right now is to move to a 9-5, Mon-Fri, office job, one where I have a stable unchanging salary that’s a step removed from the audience I am creating for. Moving to a job where I have sick pay, holiday, a pension, and the ability to walk away from work at 5pm and just take a guilt free night off, free from worries that those paying my salary expect me to keep working, is likely to do wonders for my mental health.
I’ll still write reviews, publish features, produce numerous weekly podcasts and attend conventions. The content you love from me isn’t going anywhere, it’ll just be being produced by someone more calm and relaxed, less burned out, and more free to rest when they need.
Also, you know, lots of it will be published on one of those big name gaming sites rather than Let’s Play Video Games.
On that note, let’s talk about Let’s Play Video Games. The site isn’t going anywhere. Vikki and Joe will continue to run the site without me, complete with its own Patreon - they’ll share more details on that as soon as they can.
I will also not be able to be a part of the Let’s Play Video Games Podcast. This is the one piece of content I will have to walk away from. The future of the podcast is in Joe and Vikki’s hands.
I will also be pulling back my social media presence a little. I’ll still read every tweet sent my way, but there’ll be a little less of my personal life on Twitter. If a wave of harassment floods in, I’ll close my Twitter app and walk away without feeling guilty that I am ignoring those directly paying my salary. Again, this is in order to achieve a work-life balance that’s better for my long term mental health.
So, yeah, that’s I guess the gist of this. It’s a bit of a rambling letter I know, but my thoughts on this have been swirling for awhile and it’s tough to know quite how to talk about everything.
In my new job role I’ll be working as part of a small team of experienced industry writers, and I hope the quality of my work will take a considerable step up as a result. I’ll have a team to help me assess the quality of leaks I receive, to edit my work on a regular basis, and to collaborate on new exciting pieces of content.
While leaving Patreon behind is a terrifying move, it’s one I hope will usher in a new age of LauraKBuzz. I really hope those of you who have enjoyed, followed and supported my content thus far will continue to do so going forward.
I’m taking a scary step I hope will benefit both my overall career goals and my mental health. I hope you’ll follow me into this new exciting era.
Get ready for exciting news Monday.
Laura