That is so gay.

Alright, people. Come along now.

http://www.salon.com/mwt/wire/2003/12/01/gay_mom/index.html

What the hell? How little communication do these teachers have with their students that they can't even tell when the kid is being literal?

I am so mad. This makes me so mad.

I will write something funny later.

# Posted by Erin Judge on 12/2/03; 12:08:13 PM - Comments [8]

extraordinary lack

I saw an article in Cosmo about what to do if you think you might have an eating disorder. It said, "Put this magazine down as quickly as possible. Never pick it up again."

# Posted by Erin Judge on 12/1/03; 4:44:01 PM - Comments [7]

PATRIOT ACT EXPANDED

Very surreptitious....

http://www.wired.com/news/politics/0,1283,61341,00.html?tw=wn_tophead_1

This government is appalling.

# Posted by Erin Judge on 11/24/03; 4:40:47 PM - Comments [1]

PowerPoin(TM)! Bullet! Form!

What I Did With My Weekend

by Erinkjudge (car crash noise)

*bought lots of beer

*did a set

*threw a party

*locked people out of my house

*saw my teammates

*did another set

*heard something I'll never forget

*sat in the poetry aisle

*ate brunch alone

*saw a show

*co-wrote a song

*slept

(links later)

# Posted by Erin Judge on 11/24/03; 12:57:10 PM - Comments [5]

My funny friends...

....sometimes make me laugh out loud at work.

Maybe I'll get fired and then I can crash on their couches.

# Posted by Erin Judge on 11/20/03; 5:22:55 PM - Comments [0]

Sound bite

President Crazyface had something to say about MA's gay marriage ruling! From CNN.com:

President Bush waded into the debate with a statement criticizing the ruling.

"Marriage is a sacred institution between a man and a woman," he said. "Today's decision ... violates this important principle. I will work with congressional leaders and others to do what is legally necessary to defend the sanctity of marriage."

I hear that soundbite echoing through the documentaries on the gay rights struggle 30 years from now, just like the ardent chants of "Segregation now! Integration never!" paint a bone-chilling backdrop for Eyes on the Prize.

Thanks, Georgie. You gone done did done it agin!

# Posted by Erin Judge on 11/20/03; 5:18:59 PM - Comments [2]

Chickfest 2K3

No, not an Ultimate tournament...It's a fun comedy show!

Last night was the culmination of weeks of Girls Going Wild to produce one night of Girls Who Have Already Gone Wild at an Earlier Juncture. It was great.

I wish I could write more, but my eyes are swollen shut with exhaustion. Also, my left ankle and knee keep being swollen. Stupid athletic injuries...

# Posted by Erin Judge on 11/20/03; 10:44:33 AM - Comments [0]

Salon Depletes Humorzone Layer

So as you can see from the link to my piece in Salon, I have a piece in Salon. It's brief, but I like it. However, I do want to point out that they edited out one of my favorite parts, where I get all absurd and sardonic. But you, dear blog readers, can still experience that magic. The following paragraph was eliminated for publication:

And it only gets weirder. I could fly to Vegas tomorrow, grab a guy pulling slots at Harrah's, get married by an Elvis impersonator, and that sacred bond would be recognized in all fifty states. What's even  more absurd is the fact that people who identify as gay can legally get married in this country, as long as it's not to members of their own gender (or, I should say, biological sex). The proudest gay man in  American could show up in court with the very butchest lesbian and walk out with a marriage license in no time at all. These are simply the facts, and they render every argument I've ever heard against gay marriage totally ludicrous and illustrate how homophobia, not  protecting some sacred institution, is at the center of the reactionary discourse.

# Posted by Erin Judge on 11/19/03; 3:51:07 PM - Comments [1]

I kiss girls.

It's true. And now the entire intelligentsia crowd knows it:

http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2003/11/19/marriage_readerstories5/index.html

# Posted by Erin Judge on 11/19/03; 2:17:22 PM - Comments [2]

I love Massachusetts.

Where else but Massachusetts would a Mormon be politically forced to advocate for "civil benefits," just shy of anything real or substantive, for gay people? Mitt Romney talks about hospital visitation rights, inheritance, and all that jazz. Meanwhile, back in Utah (aka the Promised Land), Sen. Hatch advocates for blowing up the computers of music-downloading homosexuals. Or such is my understanding.

Anyway, today's supreme court ruling is excellent. It makes me feel full of pride and sunshine. I might buy something rainbow-fied.

Or not.

Time to go git me a wife...

# Posted by Erin Judge on 11/18/03; 11:56:20 AM - Comments [0]

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury...

Sniper's guilty. Big surprise.

So, here's an interesting question: if you're a prosecutor, how do you argue for the death penalty? I mean, the strongest argument for it that I've heard among advocates - vengeance - is technically not its legal justification. So can you only play the angles allowed by law?

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, we must execute this man. If we don't kill this guy, hundreds - nay, thousands - of sociopathic marksmen will almost certainly enact copycat crimes, embolded by the knowledge that they would merely face life in prison for such a series of decisions. And if there's anything that doesn't scare somebody, it's the American Correctional System. Ladies and gentlemen, this man is guilty of unspeakable crimes. If we don't spend ten years in appeals courts to have him strapped to a gurney in a room with white-knuckled victims' family members who never sought real help because they were waiting for the closure that would come from watching him seize to death crowded around a closed-circuit television in the most costly part of one of our nation's fine prisons, then how will the other snipers be deterred? Clearly, the death penalty is the only option. Vote deterrence. Vote against future snipers. Vote to execute. Thank you."

Another brave prosecutor takes an anti-future-sniper stance. Breathtaking.

# Posted by Erin Judge on 11/18/03; 11:40:02 AM - Comments [0]

You'll never amount to anything.

I guess I'm afraid of the girl who would be king. Afraid of knowing her, of being her, of devouring her like I Would Be Devoured.

Let's do a little deconstruction, shall we? Come on, I haven't revived the Derrida in at least 1.86 weeks. That's an unacceptable dryspell.

Light - Dark

West - East

True - False

Male - Female

Soc - Greaser

Free - Enslaved

You - Me. That's the important one. There's a list, all lined up. You can see how it flows into the space I occupy.

Or maybe I just don't know what I want.

Holy crap, how hilarious is this mutherfucking post?! What can I say, folks? When you got it, you got it! Woooo!

...

# Posted by Erin Judge on 11/17/03; 11:38:33 AM - Comments [3]

my favorite porn site

This is hot. Okay, it's not really porn. But it's better.

Just thought I'd share.

# Posted by Erin Judge on 11/14/03; 11:23:29 AM - Comments [0]

Quotes from those I love...

"Well, I do hate you, but I support your comedy career! I could just as easily say you don't support my revolutionary socialism career. It would even have the extra, added bonus of being true." -- SNJoseph

"You're exactly what a women's college is supposed to do for somebody." -- a boy who was hitting on me (pretty successfully)

"Are you baked, girl?" -- my boss

"I'll warn you - if you screen my calls I'll go right back to stalker tactics." -- some annoyist

"you make my heart all fuzzy. we should write a musical about it." -- ailin

# Posted by Erin Judge on 11/14/03; 11:19:41 AM - Comments [0]

always clever

http://boston.craigslist.org/roo/19283783.html

Check out me and Lizzie trying to be clever about finding a roommate.

We crack us up!

# Posted by Erin Judge on 11/13/03; 5:06:44 PM - Comments [2]

yup

Change this to "grandma," and I would be equally fizzzzucked.

Hi, Mom.

Sigh.

Thanks to Heather for this link.

*NOTE - I just fixed the link.

# Posted by Erin Judge on 11/12/03; 6:28:35 PM - Comments [5]

What's up with all the gays and homos?

My gay-ass vernacular is going to get me fired.

It's not that I'm not out at work. When the conversation sways one way or the other, I let it be known that I sway in both directions. I mention ex-girlfriends or whatever. But that's not always a context that's come up in conversation with every single person in the room. And I don't exactly scream "militant lesbian" in my outward appearance. At least not most of the time.

Yet four years in Shafer Hall (which evidently has not had a webmistress on house council since my first fucking year) have left me with the descriptive vocabulary repleat with insensitivity. It's not uncommon for me to utter the words "queer," "dyke," "homo," etc. I even let a "lezzie" slip out every once in a great while. My favorite verbiage involves definite articles. "The gays" or "the homos," as in:

I hear she's one of the gays.

The gays are everywhere!

That place is full of the homos*.

Alright, so it's not always completely sensitive. And it's probably jarring when I inquire about a new coworker's sexuality in my crass ways in front of the wrong company. But me getting in trouble for insensitivity to my queer homies would be straight out of a Philip Roth novel. If it were actually written by Jennifer Weiner.

That's funny.

In the end, if I get in trouble for saying the wrong thing, maybe I'll at least get sent to sensitivity training. Which would be good, because I could always use some new material.

*And by "That place," I of course mean this place. And this place. And this place.

# Posted by Erin Judge on 11/12/03; 6:21:25 PM - Comments [0]

I'm like Jane friggin' Goodall up in here.

Thanks to my keen observational skills, I have made some tremendous anthropological inroads in the form of three new archetypical categorizations that permeate contemporary American society. I shall list them thusly:

*The Paranoid Egocentric. Ever meet somebody who isn't totally self-involved, per se, but instantly becomes convinced of personal culpability for any negative interaction?  I'm talking about the people who, when you stub your toe and yelp, snap back with, "What? What did I say?!" You know, the people who, when you tell them you had a dream about a giant panda bear eating your dog, turn ghostly white and ask, "Do you think the panda bear symbolizes...<gulp>...me?"

No. No, it's not about you. No. Get over yourself. 

*The Hands-Off Control Freak. Look, I can work with a control freak. I can be deferential and meticulous in a particular way. And I can also manage myself and get things done the way I think they should be done. But I can't do both at the same damn time, alright? If you're going to complain about the font I used for something and make me redo it six times, you better be ready to answer all font-related questions from me for the rest of eternity. "Just use your judgment" is not an acceptable answer when you've never really agreed with my judgment before, especially not when a disagreement over how many sweat drops I left on the Microsoft Clip-Art of the Stressed-Out Stick Figure for the workplace stress reduction seminar signage resulted in me re-configuring the stupid poster and running the revisions by you again and again until my eyeballs bled. And that was just last week. So don't blow off my follow-up questions. And DEFINITELY don't act annoyed that I'm coming to you. If you love me, set me free. If you hate me, put me in a little bamboo cage without enough water. But don't just leave the door open and then beat me when I attempt to flee. That's...psychological abuse.

*The American Anthropologist. Ever meet somebody who likes to label people with specific adjectives and then address them in the second person? You know, the kind of person who complains about passive-aggressive behavior in the most passive-aggressive way? Look, you're not exempt from scrutiny, punk. Get over yourse--oh, shit.

Yeah.

# Posted by Erin Judge on 11/6/03; 12:28:21 PM - Comments [4]

Um, what's going on?

What's up with this?

# Posted by Erin Judge on 11/6/03; 12:13:05 PM - Comments [0]

I hate the President.

From the Bill Banning a Totally Legitimate Medical Procedure That Has Been Deliberately Obfuscated by the Right Wing:

"America stands for liberty, for the pursuit of happiness and for the unalienable right of life. And the most basic duty of government is to defend the life of the innocent. "

Except, of course, in FUCKING IRAQ! We're not interested in the 8000 or so innocents we killed there, nor in the lives of the young men we send there to die.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

# Posted by Erin Judge on 11/5/03; 5:29:40 PM - Comments [5]