WHAT
WE HAVE HERE IS A FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE
WHY WE NEED "SEND: THE ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO E-MAIL"
by Michael Jung
An old acquaintance
sends a frosty, one-word response to your friendly e-mail. A co-worker
forwards an inappropriate message to your boss. A slip of the finger
and the love letter you were writing goes out to all the executives
in your office. Mistakes like these prove that people know how
to e-mail, but don't necessarily know how to e-mail well.
To help the
masses navigate the choppy waters of e-communication, Will Schwalbe
and David Shipley, editor-in-chief of Hyperion Books and Op-Ed editor
of The New York Times, respectively, teamed up to write "Send:
The Essential Guide to Email for Office and Home" (Knopf). Already
considered by some to be the quintessential e-mail handbook, Schwalbe
and Shipley use real-life examples from government, the corporate
world, and even their own In- and Out-boxes to illustrate common
mistakes and offer strategies for avoiding missteps.
Feeling somewhat
self-conscious about communicating with the authors via e-mail,
I phoned Schwalbe to discuss the importance of e-mail etiquette
and tips on how to maintain good online messaging relationships.
What made
you decide to write a book on e-mail etiquette?
Dave Shipley and I were having lunch and complaining; we're old
friends and do that a lot over lunch. At some point we noted that
almost everything we were complaining about had to do with e-mail;
annoying e-mails, e-mail misunderstandings, angry e-mails, and also
stupid e-mails we'd sent and the problems they caused.
We came to the
realization that while many of us spend a large part of our day
reading and sending messages, most of us never stop to think about
what we should and shouldn't be e-mailing. So we set out to write
the kind of book we could give our co-workers to improve the dialogue
in our offices.
Who do you
see as the primary audience for "Send"?
The primary market was always intended to be the workplace. But
people are causing each other a lot of aggravation with personal
e-mails, so we're discovering a lot of folks using it in their personal
lives. It's common for someone to come up to David or I and say,
"I am so thrilled this book exists because my parents, kids, assistant,
co-workers, and boss are all terrible e-mailers." Two or three days
later we get an e-mail from one of those same people saying, "I
didn't realize I needed this book, but I guess I do."
So there are
two marketsthose who buy it for somebody else and those who
realize that even if they e-mail well, they could do it a little
better.
"I
interviewed a job applicant . . . and then he included me on an
e-mail list that he'd been sending to his friends about his sexual
exploits."
Why do people
become more emotional when they use e-mail?
E-mail has a disinhibiting effect. When you e-mail someone, your
brain lulls you into thinking you are engaged in conversation. Yet,
if I say something that rubs you the wrong way, I can sense from
your tone or silence that I'm upsetting you, and I can pull back.
With e-mail, there's no opportunity for that. So the inhibiting
portions of the brain don't get any feedback and they check out.
That encourages us to be angrier, more emotional, more gossipy and
more duplicitous.
People also
tend to be very reflexive about e-mail. When an e-mail comes in
they feel a need to respond. Very often that's the worst course
of action. We recommend that if you feel compelled to write something
angry and emotional, compose in a Word document so can't easily
send it. Or address the e-mail to yourself, send it, and if you
[still] feel comfortable with the message after it pops up on your
screen, then forward it.
And if you receive
an e-mail that makes you maddon't fire off an e-mail in response.
Pick up the telephone.
Many of the
vignettes in "Send" deal with inappropriate or incriminating e-mails
that cost people their reputations and/or jobs. Why are people so
lax about sharing potentially damaging information?
People forget that e-mail is permanent, that it's searchable, and
that it can be forwarded or accidentally sent to an unintended recipient.
I recently read about a constituent who e-mailed a Canadian government
office. The representative [who received the e-mail] then composed
a message to his colleagues saying, "This is the ghetto dude I was
talking about"and then sent that back to the constituent.
I like to think of this as a kind of instant karma. There's no scientific
basis for this, but I think there is a part of the brain that uses
e-mail to punish gossip and duplicity.
E-mails are
often filled with typos and grammatical errors. Does that speak
to the failure of our school system to teach adequate writing skills?
Oddly, David and I have found that the worst spelling, grammar,
and abuse of punctuation is exhibited by older e-mailers. People
in their teens and twenties are a nation of typists; they text,
instant message and e-mail their friends. So their typing skills
are much more advanced than those of older people. Also, younger
people feel that punctuation and grammar and spelling are tools
of understanding.
A problem that
is common among younger e-mailers, I think, is inappropriate
tone. They often assume a relationship with the person they're e-mailing
that may not exist. Not long ago I interviewed a job applicant who
was quite a bit younger than me, and we had a very friendly interview
and a cordial exchange of e-mails. Then he included me on an e-mail
list that he'd been sending to his friends about his sexual exploits.
It was a charming and graphic description of a weekend he'd spent
with his loved one. Of course, I assumed this was a slip of the
finger. Months later, we were having lunch together and I said,
"I have such a funny story to tell youyou accidentally included
me on this e-mail chain." And he was like, "Oh, noI thought
you'd like to read that!"
What strategies
do you suggest for conveying the appropriate tone?
One strategy is when you initiate correspondence, start a little
more formally than you normally would. If you're in doubt as to
whether to use Mr. Schwalbe or Will, start with Mr. Schwalbe. If
you're in doubt as to whether to start with "Dear" or "Hi," start
with "Dear."
Then when the
recipient responds mirror the response in every way. Mirror the
opening and closing, the length, the punctuation, the type of information
in the signature fileyou will subconsciously establish rapport.
Now that said,
while you don't want to be inappropriately informal, in some cases
you may have only one chance at gaining the attention of the person
you're e-mailing. One of the biggest mistakes job applicants make
is to use career guidance-type language in their e-mails. In this
age of Google it's easy to find out things about people and make
an e-mail personalto let someone know you know who they are
and to tell them a little about yourself. While David and I urge
people not to be too familiar, that doesn't mean you shouldn't be
personal.
What are
some other common etiquette mistakes?
Another way people crash and burn is by asking for too much information.
For example, our sales director [at Hyperion] once received an e-mail
that read, "Can you break down the sales [on this book] for every
city in North America?" Our sales director wrote back and said,
"I can do that, but it's going to take me two weeks. Why do you
want to know?" The answer was, "I'm curious as to how the book is
selling in Cleveland."
Also, e-mail
is not for essays. If someone writes to me and says, "I have a few
questions about book toursdo you mind if I call you?" that's
a good e-mail question. But if someone asks, "Can you tell me the
best cities to go to on a book tour and why?" that's inappropriate.
Something else
that burns through good will is when we use friends and co-workers
as human rolodexes. "Do you have Michael's number…? Do you have
Mary's number…?" The irony is that person probably has those numbers,
but it's easier for them to e-mail than to click over to their address
book.
And if you're
cc-ing people it's a courtesy to tell the "To" people who you are
cc-ing and why. Otherwise the person you're e-mailing is like, "Who
is this other person?" It's like inviting someone into a conversation
but not introducing them.
Do you have
any other quick tips for improving one's e-mail experience?
There are a couple strategies in the book that people told us have
made a huge difference in their lives. One is emphasizing the importance
of the Subject line. Writing a short descriptive is really important
because the Subject line is how you let people know your message
is not spam. It also helps you find messages later.
And utilizing
the phrase "no reply necessary" can help reduce the amount of e-mail
you receive by ten to twenty-five percent. Most of what we do in
e-mails is inform each other of things. If every time we send that
sort of message we include "no reply necessary" it would save a
lot of unnecessary pinging back and forth. People seem to appreciate
it, especially if it comes in a cheerful e-mail. Think about how
nice it would be to get a message like, "Congrats on the promotionjust
wanted to let you know how thrilled I am for you. No reply necessary."
Technology
is moving at such a rapid pace. Are you worried that "Send" may
soon become obsolete?
Not really. The book is more about manners than technology. You'll
notice there's nothing in "Send" that refers to specific
programs. David and I just assumed people will be writing to each
other electronically for many years to come.
What is
the best e-mail you've ever received?
My favorite is any e-mail where somebody tells me that something
I said or did resonated . . . and takes the opportunity to put "no
reply necessary."
I got an e-mail
today from someone I met at a cocktail party. It read: "Dear Will,
I've been meaning to let you know I really enjoyed our conversation
at the party. No reply necessary, but I hope we can keep in touch.
If that person had called me and we had to play phone tag, that
little sentiment might have become annoying. But that was a great
use of e-mail.
What's the
one thing you would like people to take away from the book?
If there is one thing I'd like everyone to take away it's that e-mail
is really about how we treat each otherboth at work and in
our [personal] lives. We need to be more mindful of the way we address
each other.
REPLY
TO:
REPLY
TO ALL:
RECOMMENDED
LINKS
http://www.thinkbeforeyousend.com
(Official Web site for "Send")
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