Goatse
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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!!!New discoveries around the world!!!! it's even more overused![1] Goatse predates Encyclopedia Dramatica and is still the most overused shock image here. It is also the inspiration for endless attempts to force TOW to have an article on anal stretching. Goatse was the favorite meme of the GNAA early on, but had become such an old meme that by two years ago, a job fair in Europe modelled its entrance on his open-anus gesture.
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Fun Facts
- Goatse has made an utterly benign image title - "hello.jpg" - anathematic. Need proof? Google "Hello.jpg". The first two links are TOW's Goatse.cx and Shock site pages. The second is a related Albinoblacksheep Flash animation and the third is ED's very own copy of hello.jpg.
- Upset after being Goatse'd? Don't worry: the person who Goatse'd you obviously got Goatse'd themselves; otherwise, they wouldn't have known of the site.
- The Goatse guy seems to be married because he has a ring on his hand.
- The Goatse guy appears to have either a rather large pilonidal cyst or a second, virgin asshole.
- Goatse is the most infamous member of The Power 5.
- The Goatse guy's best friend is The Giver.
- Goatse can refer to the man in the picture, the picture itself (hello.jpg), the sex move, or the website that started it all.
- Goatse enjoys long walks on the beach and FUCKING HUGE DILDOS
- Despite what you see in the picture (study it for a moment) the human intestine is not a big truck you can dump something into, but a series of tubes.
- It is supposedly now illegal in the United States
- There are way too fucking many links to Goatse on ED.
- Goatse has NOTHING to do with goats.
- In some Dutch (more specifically Flemish) dialects Goatse means "small opening". The correct Dutch word is "gaatje".
Legislation Inspired by Goatse
- § 2252C. Misleading words or digital images on the Internet
- (a) IN GENERAL.—Whoever knowingly embeds words or digital images into the source code of a website with the intent to deceive a person into viewing material constituting obscenity shall be fined under this title and imprisoned for not more than 10 years.
- (b) MINORS.—Whoever knowingly embeds words or digital images into the source code of a website with the intent to deceive a minor into viewing material harmful to minors on the Internet shall be fined under this title and imprisoned for not moar than 20 years.
- (c) CONSTRUCTION.—For the purposes of this section, a word or digital image that clearly indicates the sexual content of the site, such as ‘sex’ or ‘porn’, is not misleading.
- (d) DEFINITIONS.—As used in this section—HR 4472 EAS.
- (1) the terms ‘material that is harmful to minors’ and ‘sex’ have the meaning given such terms in section 2252B; and
- (2) the term 'source code’ means the combination of text and other characters comprising the content, both viewable and nonviewable, of a web page, including any website publishing language, programming language, protocol or functional content, as well as any successor languages or protocols.
That means that you cannot misleadingly link it because you could trick people into viewing obscenity. However feel free to link it via AIM, IRC or your favorite chat client because the fact that they are told what every URL actually is technically (arguably) means they are not being tricked.
The Man Behind The Anus
One very persistent internets user spent months and months trawling all the gay erotica and anal stretching newsgroups and eventually located the star of this picture, by matching the pattern of moles on his ass. It is with many lulz that ED advises the world that the Goatse guy's real name is Kirk Johnson, and he posts pictures and videos of himself regularly on the newsgroup alt.binaries.erotica.male.anal.
He also posts regularly on Imagefap, and has thousands (I'm not shitting you) of pictures of his flexible poopchute. He has multiple videos as well (not for the faint of heart) You can even hear Kirk Johnson's voice! If you can find any of these mythical videos, be sure to post comments and tell him how great he is.
Linx
Goatse.cx originally linked to Urinalpoop.org and Dolphinsex.org, both of which are now parked. Thankfully, Dolphinsex continues right here on ED. The mere link to Dolphinsex was cited specifically in an official complaint and was used as one of the major reasons why Goatse was B& from the Christmas Island top-level domain (.cx):
| —Rhonda Clarke, on the Christmas Island Internet Administration (CIIA) Limited AUP Complaint Form |
| —Garth Miller of the CIIA, in a spelling-error filled final decision to suspend Goatse.cx |
January 14, 2004: The Dream Dies
On January 11, 2004, Rhonda Clarke - a whiny resident of the tiny, Australian pseudocolony known as Christmas Island suffering from post-Goatse syndrome - submitted a formal complaint to the Christmas Island Internet Administration (CIIA). Only three days later, the heartless bureaucratic fucks on the island suspended goatse.cx pending review. Although the exact sequelae are unknown, the registrant may simply have failed to respond, leading to Goatse.cx being automatically permabanned 60 days later (March 12, 2004).
| —Garth Miller, the only person on Earth that uses air quotes when saying "freedom of speech" |
To his credit, however, Garth appeared to sympathize with the ethical nihilism of the internet and to understand Goatse. We can be confident that he was fully aware of the harm he was inflicting on trolls everywhere:
Uses of Goatse
- Trolling
- Police work
- Fifty Goatse post
- Vanity license plates
- Goatse leather bracelets
- A tribute to Goatse
- Kirk Johnson's official website and fan club
- First reactions to Goatse at Flickr
- Another well known shock site with a familiar star
Galleries
| The Complete Kirk Johnson Collection | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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If you're too lazy to click on every picture, there's a slideshow of the entire picture set here. Be warned, however: this site is owned and operated by the same fgt as Meatspin.
| Gallery of Goatse | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Gallery of Lame Copies | ||||||||
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Low-Quality ASCII Rendition
g g o / \ \ / \ o a| | \ | | a t| `. | | : t s` | | \| | s e \ | / / \\\ --__ \\ : e x \ \/ _--~~ ~--__| \ | x * \ \_-~ ~-_\ | * g \_ \ _.--------.______\| | g o \ \______// _ ___ _ (_(__> \ | o a \ . C ___) ______ (_(____> | / a t /\ | C ____)/ \ (_____> |_/ t s / /\| C_____) | (___> / \ s e | ( _C_____)\______/ // _/ / \ e x | \ |__ \\_________// (__/ | x * | \ \____) `---- --' | * g | \_ ___\ /_ _/ | g o | / | | \ | o a | | / \ \ | a t | / / | | \ |t s | / / \__/\___/ | |s e | / | | | |e x | | | | | |x
If you are a too nice a person to use Goatse as a trolling tool, redirect someone to the shocking ASCII version here.
A Novel Way To Troll
- Eric [8:47 PM]: dude i have this site i post all my pics on for the class
- Eric [8:47 PM]: want to see them
- Eric [8:47 PM]: ?
- Mike [8:47 PM]: Sure
- Eric [8:47 PM]: they're kind of controversial
- Eric [8:47 PM]: [Tinyurl Goatse mirror link defunct Tinyurl shock site link]
- Mike [8:48 PM]: holy shit dude
- Eric [8:48 PM]: lol
- Mike [8:53 PM]: They were for Gavenus' class???
- Eric [8:54 PM]: LOL yea, he said they were "artistic"
- Eric [8:55 PM]: He said the first was ok, but the second was too over the top
- Mike [8:55 PM]: Yeah I'll say
- Mike [8:57 PM]: OK dude, I just looked at your pic...I still don't know you...you sure your talking to the right s/n?
Stars of Goatse
Science has given us a new way to troll with Goatse. Observe the image below and scroll slowly.
Use scrollbar to see the full image
Reverse!
See Also
External Links
- The original
R.I.P.- Back up as a parody page! - OMG E-ACTIVISM! - Fuck you, Christmas Island
- New backup
- Goatse Marathon - Web 2.0 update: an SWF that displays the entire set sequentially
- Goatse is "notable" enough that even the douchebags at TOW can't help but cover it; while wikipedoes use WP:BS and WP:FAIL to refuse a Tubcat article, the real point is to restart the campaign for them to have an "Anal Stretching" article.
- Trolling tools
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[2] God goatses the world"This video has been removed due to terms of violation" - The candy - It sticks to your gums like hell
- Buy the iGoatse cover for your iPod today!
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Goatse is part of a series on Trolls. |
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