'Baggy boardshorts are drowning dudes!' Barneys style guru Simon Doonan on why American men need to embrace 'sassy' Speedos

By Sadie Whitelocks

PUBLISHED: 11:32 EST, 21 June 2013 | UPDATED: 12:24 EST, 21 June 2013


Barneys style guru, Simon Doonan, is fed up with seeing American men strolling around in 'huge', 'baggy', 'billowing' boardshorts - and wants them to embrace Speedos.

In a tongue-in-cheek article for Slate, the British-born, New York-based fashionista states that it his 'interest is not entirely sordid' and his primary concern is safety, because boardshorts’ flapping material can get 'waterlogged' and cause swimmers to drown.

Bewildered as to why more male beachgoers in the U.S. don't slip into ultra-tight trunks, he continues: 'Are most . . . dudes simply too fat to wear a Speedo? Is that what’s inhibiting men from embracing this comfy, functional garment?'

Ryan Seacrest
Daniel Craig

Trends: U.S. TV star Ryan Seacrest sports boardshorts (left) while Brit, Daniel Craig sticks to Speedos (right)

His one page tirade, which includes the sub-heading 'American men need to get over their Freudian fear of showing off their junk', quickly triggered a slew of commentary.

 

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In an attempt to answer Mr Doonan's question, one female reader wrote on The Huffington Post: 'Most American men have beer bellies and chicken legs they would rather conceal than show off.'

'A lot of men are shy and self-conscience about having our "junk" on display and constantly feeling like we're being stared at'

However, she appears to be alone in her opinion and most say it is to do with comfort and retaining modesty rather than stomach flab.

Indeed, one man wrote: 'I hate Speedos. I don't like walking around the pool or locker room in my Speedos with my private parts leaving nothing to the imagination.

'Contrary to popular belief a lot of men are shy and self-conscience [about] having our "junk" on display and constantly feeling like [we are] being stare[d] at. I have since switched to trunks and enjoy the beach and swimming much more.'

Style guru: Barneys creative director Simon Doonan says he doesn't understand why American men insist on wearing boardshorts

Style guru: Barneys creative director Simon Doonan says he doesn't understand why American men insist on wearing boardshorts

And another said it was to do with protecting his body from the sun.

'I'm 6'3" 185, I work out 2-3 times a week, and genuinely am pretty naked when I am home,' he explained.

'However, I do not wear Speedos - or as my family calls them "goob suits" - for the mere fact that I don't need a sunburn that far up my legs!'

Many women also expressed distaste towards the Speedo style - despite Mr Doonan deeming the cut 'fun' and 'sassy'.

One wrote on Slate: 'Oh, dear god, I hope to high heaven that American men DON'T embrace the Speedo anytime soon.

'Only a tiny fraction of the men who are even willing to go out on the beach or pool deck in any kind of swim wear have the physique to carry off this look.

'Most guys of every age (3 up!) should stick to the more modest regulation swim trunks that look more like Bermuda shorts. Let's stop there.'

Meanwhile Los Angeles swimwear magnate Jonathan Skow, who runs the label Mr Turk, joined with Mr Doonan in campaigning for the Speedo.

'Your moobs [man-boobs] and your widening gut are going to be visible either way. I say throw on a pair of groovy ’70s shades - like the guy in those Southern Comfort ads - and learn to strut in a nifty brief or a spiffy square-cut trunk.'

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I have a better idea. All non-American men should stop wearing speedos and wear baggy boardshorts.

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"It's because they see it as feminine. American men won't do anything they perceive as being even remotely feminine. They are too caught up in making sure no one questions their masculinity." Exactly. It is just not fashionable for "real men" to wear speedos. People will question their sexuality in the US. If it were considered straight to display their junk, they'd all wear tiny shorts again like in the 70s.

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I crack up every time I read the word "bits!" You all are too funny.

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It's a BANANA HAMMOCK people...and so gross. Looking at a dude's "package" is not a pretty sight. Sorry Simon, but it's totally naff. And I love you!

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If you've ever seen many of the Americans who insist on wearing speedo's you'd understand why any guy with a half-ounce of taste (or class) would prefer to go with boardshorts!

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American men are afraid of their bellies exposure? Good grief, in Budapest all I saw was old, fat European men in tiny speedos, it was gross. One of them looked like he had a python hanging between his thighs down to his knees and could barely walk. THAT I could have done without seeing. I don't know why modesty went out of style, it's a sad commentary on society, but they are immodest and I frankly miss modesty. If I never saw another thong or speedo I would be eternally grateful.

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AZ man with a purse wants to tell American men how to dress?

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It's because they see it as feminine. American men won't do anything they perceive as being even remotely feminine. They are too caught up in making sure no one questions their masculinity.

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Well, one could ask why a grown man would insist on wearing a yellow belt...ever....

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Why no rush to speedos? Common sense. Is this chap considered a 'guru' because he's so fond of a look that's a bit 'gurusome'?

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