I love those men and women who serve local churches. I love their commitment and sacrifice. And I wish I could do more to help them remain energized and encouraged.
In this post, I share the results of an informal Twitter poll where I asked pastors and church staff to share with me those areas of ministry that discouraged them most. My motivation for doing so is primarily my love and concern for these church leaders. It is my prayer that this awareness will encourage church members to be even more supportive of and prayerful for these leaders.
Here are the top ten sources of discouragement of pastors and church staff listed in order of frequency. Admittedly, there is overlap in some of these responses, but those who responded often made their own distinctions. A representative quote follows each category.
- Conflicts/complaining/murmuring. “I find myself physically exhausted at the end of the week just from dealing with naysayers. My problem is exacerbated by naysayers using social media as their outlets.”
- Lack of fruit and spiritual maturity in church members. “I invested two years of my life in him. But his life today is as carnal as it was two years ago.”
- Apathy. “The low level of commitment of so many of our members really discourages me. Sometimes I wonder if my ministry is making any kind of difference.”
- Church members who leave the church for seemingly silly or no reasons. “It breaks my heart to lose a church member just because we made a slight change in the times of worship services.”
- Expectations by members/lack of time. “It seems like I am expected to be omnipresent. I just can’t keep up with all the expectations of me.”
- Performing tasks where the pastor/staff does not have competencies. “I know nothing about finances. I am not a good administrator. But both functions consume my time.”
- Meetings/committees. “I would rather get my teeth drilled than go to our monthly business meetings. It’s nothing more than a forum for complainers and whiners.”
- Family concerns. “The attacks on my wife for no good reasons have caused me to get my resume out. I can’t stay any longer.”
- Staff issues. “Every day at the church is stressful because of staff conflict.”
- Lack of volunteers. “So many church members seek their own preferences, but are unwilling to serve others.”
Some of the other sources of discouragement that did not make the list but had multiple votes are: loneliness; communication problems; members who hold tenaciously to tradition; divorce/family problems among church members; low pay; and counseling.
Please pray for your pastor and staff. They are under attack consistently. They not only need your prayers; they need your clear and consistent encouragement.
What do you think of these sources of discouragement? What would you add? Let me hear from you.
Get these posts delivered to your inbox daily
Subscribe today and receive my free downloadable resource on the minister's salary!
I grieve!
As Paul said so long ago, “Brothers, this ought not so to be!”
There is no one root cause here that can be ‘fixed’ by a magic want nor by a single request before the Throne of Grace. Society, selfishness, misplaced priorities, there are many problems both inside and outside the church that contribute to this list.
We’ve made church attenders, not disciples. Collectively, the current method of practicing the local church model depends on and expects too much from one man. Who can bear it?
May God reveal to each of us, the role, the action, the opportunity to effect change where we are. May His will be done in each of us.
Of this I’m confident, He is building His church but it may not look like what we presume it to be. Many are the tares amongst the wheat, and the Enemy is on the prowl. Be strong, brothers!
Great encouragement, Heartspeak. Thank you.
Great list! Personally, I struggle with #2, 3, 4 and 10.
Thanks, Jeff.
According to Dictionary.com, micromanaging is “to manage or control with excessive attention to minor details”. Encarta online dictionary defines micromanaging as “attend to small details in management: to control a person or a situation by paying extreme attention to small details.” Micromanaging causes undue stress on both the manager and his staff.
Let’s face it, most senior pastors claim to be called by God to pray, preach, and teach the Gospel. They are the spiritual leaders of the church, not the organizational leaders. However, at least in my experience, especially in the larger churches, the senior pastor approves all business of the church. Staff members are afraid to breath without his authority.
Micromanagers are like many other addicts they fail to realize and will not admit that their addiction is in controlling others. If you remain silent you risk disassociation with the purpose of your job and there are negative consequences, including effects on your health and of course your boss accuses you of not having any initiative.
By setting his own rules, policies and procedures he creates a state of confusion which gives him total control over his people. It might be that he does not have adequate knowledge of organizational governance or that he simply wants to dictate all actions throughout the entire church. Over-controlling is leading through intimidation. Many volunteers in the church are trained professionals, well educated, creative, and motivated when properly supported. However, when they work under overly restrictive rules their ability to produce fails. Demands to comply with nontraditional policies will rob professional volunteers of time and energy.
Unfortunately, we live in a highly litigious world and certain rules, background checks, and other worldly practices are imposed on the church. These “laws” detract from the “heart” principles that we as Christians live by. The imbalance is just as the Scriptures Romans 7:1-25 describes – a struggle between flesh and spirit.
Discouragement is self-imposed. We are not of this world. Our home is above. We need to find rest in the Lord by living like Jesus.
Steve,
My experience has been a little different than yours. I don’t have much experience in the larger churches, so I can’t speak for what does or doesn’t happen in them.
That said, of the pastors I know personally (and I know quite a few), I don’t know any who are addicted to control. If any of them are micro-managers, they are only so out of necessity.
In many (most?) small-ish churches, pastors are expected to be jacks-of-all-trades. Some, out of necessity, must attend not only to their pastoral duties but also to many other duties that fall outside the areas of their callings, giftedness, and expertise.
For instance, some pastors must also do the youth ministry, teach Sunday School and Discipleship Training, sing in the choir, assist in preparation and administration of the budget, and do much of the “secretarial” work, all in addition to doing the work of pastor. I personally know one pastor who also has to lead worship, since the minister of music passed away. Often, pastors’ spouses are heavily invested in the ministry of the church, as well. This usually means that whatever area the spouse is invested in, the pastor is also invested in that area.
Again, I simply have a different experience than you. With the vast majority of pastors I know, if they seem to be micromanagers, it’s only out of necessity. Because there are not enough willing and able servants to do the things that need to be done, the pastor must wear many hats, which can make the pastor seem like a micro-manager.
I hope this alternative perspective makes sense, and I hope it’s somewhat helpful.
“Because there are not enough willing and able servants to do the things that need to be done, the pastor must wear many hats, which can make the pastor seem like a micro-manager.”
AMEN!!!! With many pastors, it’s a Catch-22. If they take a strong leadership role, they’re accused of “micromanaging”. If they delegate things to others, they’re accused of laziness. When people are determined to find fault with you, nothing you do will please them.
I worked as a church administrator for more than 25 years. One of my biggest frustrations were people who thought the church staff were their personal servants. I’ve had people ask me to type up 150 nametags for their family reunion, balance their checkbook, watch their kids so they can get some rest, type their family Christmas mailing list and letter, spend an hour locating something they want to borrow and then have to return the item back to its proper location on the church campus. I’ve even had pastors take advantage as well, asking me to call every auto rental location in town to find a van for their family vacation (this was pre-internet), take their laundry to the cleaners, and run all sorts of personal errands for them. I know that we are called to be servants, but come on – this is a bit much!
Hello Beth: That just sounds insane! Unless it was given to you in a “written” job description, you should have not been expected to be a church “bell hop.”
I would not have done all that. You are much more patient than I would have been.
God Bless you!
Beth, many of us small-church pastors feel your pain. Some years ago I had been running errands all day (it was my day off), so I was looking forward to spending a quiet evening at home. When I came home there was a message on my answering machine. A lady from my church said some of them wanted to attend a revival at another church, and they asked if our church van would be running that night (in other words, she wanted to know if I would drive them to the revival!). I didn’t even return the call. A wise pastor has to know when to say “no”, and the same goes for other staff members.
Wow! If I were to come up with a list it wouldn’t have varied much with the replies that you received. I would add a lack of response to biblical leadership. Having been impacted by God when I first became pastor of Living Water Baptist Church almost 17 years ago concerning the call to prayer I have found a lack of willingness to come together for an hour a week to pray. Now I am seeking to lead in an evangelistic effort using Billy Graham’s DVD on heaven and am trusting that there will be a following.
I wonder what the size of the churches of all that responded and if things different in larger churches than smaller. The church that I pastor is bumping up against the 100 barrier and I suspect that the problems might be different than that of larger churches.
Thanks to all the pastors that responded and thanks Thom for the conversation.
Since the best antidote to discouragement is encouragement, I will make a point to personally encourage five pastors today.
Good move, Mark.
Yet, as difficult as these stresses are to bear, they are a means of growth if we persevere. Many have before us. We’re not the first, and should Jesus tarry, we won’t be the last. Faithfulness is its own fruit.
For me, disappointed from my own failed expectations from ministry, has made joy in the Gospel the single, most precious and most certain treasure. Everything else fails to satisfy.
Well said, Scott.
I agree that a pastor needs to persevere in the face of discouragement, but I would use caution regarding #8. As important as your ministry is, your family is more important. When people are attacking your family, they may sow seeds of resentment in your wife and your kids that could reap a very bitter harvest. Furthermore, if church members are willing to stoop to such tactics, you may be in a no-win situation.
As the children’s ministry leader in our little church of 200 members, I run into #10 the most and have had a few run-ins with #4. It can be very discouraging when we have a lack of volunteers willing to serve our children, but I also try to make sure that we have teachers who are truly called to the ministry and that we’re not just begging anyone and everyone to come teach. One thing I’ve learned is that just because someone is a parent, it doesn’t mean they are good with other people’s children nor does it mean they are called to teach them in a classroom setting. It’s a very sensitive role in the church and one that I take very seriously when it comes to expectations of the teachers in regard to spiritual maturity and behavior. For our volunteers, it means they need to be at church from 8:30 AM until 12:30 PM, as they need to attend 1 service and then serve in the opposite service. The preference of “I just want to attend 1 service and leave” sometimes trumps, and that is very discouraging for me as a leader. The Lord always provides though, and even through the tough times where it feels like we’re stretched thin on volunteers and people are dropping out for one reason or another, I can see Him moving. He is always glorified and always provides exactly what we need. He teaches me along the way to see that He knows who we need in the ministry.
Thank you, Jessi.
How can you forget to add to that list cantankerous, narsasistic, glory hungry, unqualified carnal deacons? They think just because they have been at the church longer than the pastor, it warrants them special permission to treat the pastor as their personal “puppet.” If he does not do what they want him to do they way they want it, when they want it, as much as they want it, they threaten to fire him or put him on probation. This should not be their decision, this is the churches.
I believe that most of our deacons in our Baptist churches are on their way to an eternity in hell because they are lost and undone. Proof? Most do not demonstrate a desire or passion to witness to those that are lost, probably because they are lost themselves. The blind cannot lead the blind. This was my experience in my last church. They accused me of things that I did not do. They lied to my face about many things. They said people complained about me, but when I asked them to let me know who these people were, they would not answer me and they accused me of not visiting someone in the hospital, but yet, they did not tell me that this particular person was sick! On and on it goes. When I confronted them about how they don’t witness and how they are lack fire and a zeal for the Lord, they just sat there and made excuses. I believe most deacons will be in the crowd that Jesus will say these words, “Depart from Me, I NEVER KNEW YOU.”
If this comes across bitter and angry, it is not meant to be that way. I am only sharing with you my last experience and let me say, it was not an experience that I would like to repeat! and I would not wish for any other pastor to deal with. To end on a positive note, I am happy to say that I am in a good healthy church with deacons that are saved and living for Jesus. They support me and my vision for the church.
John, I’ve experienced this as well. I think it stems from a large problem in our SBC churches of the improper role of deacons . Many deacons are mini-elders who make up the church calender, budget and take on other administrative/ ministerial decisions that are not theirs to make, instead of serving the physical needs of the body. But many times pastors are afraid to correct this misunderstanding or confront those deacons who are not qualified to serve.
In fairness to the deacons, they take on these roles because the pastors come and go so often(short stay of 2-3 years) and then a new pastor arrives. The deacons are there for the long haul so the church looks to them for leadership because too many pastors are not there long enough to establish a leadership position. The Lord has allowed me to serve 3 churches as pastor. Thankfully there has never been any conflict with the deacons. I always begin the first meeting with deacons to challenge them that I am there for them and that we must serve as a team. I teach servant leadership. I make the effort to become one of them, get dirty and work with them, share my life with them, and stay until God moves me to another church. It takes years to show the church that you love them, but it is worth it for the relationships that you build. I love my church and I know that they would fight for me as well. I am blessed!
I struggle with all of these daily. Being thirty years old and on staff in a very traditional church is difficult. This is made even more so by the fact that the church is run like a business. I am under an extreme amount of stress at the moment. This article helped me realize there are others out there that deal with the same things I do everyday. Thank you for the encouragement.
Just prayed you for you, Caleb.
Caleb,
I feel your pain. I am the same age as you and I have a very similar situation at a traditional Church. I considered myself more of a traditional Christian when I started at the Church, but God has been teaching me much in that regard. Paul tells us in Galatians to bear one anothers burdens, and today I shall be praying for you, hoping that in some way I can help bear your load. From one pastor to another, we need each other.
First, I would like to encourage pastors and their families. Know this, although you will be held accountable before God for leading the people and presenting the full gospel of Christ and Him crucified, it is God alone that calls them out of the world and the individual to respond to that call. Matthew 22:14, the parable of the wedding feast, states “Many are are called, but few are chosen.” Members of of the church should remember with fear and trembling, that we will be held to account before God one day. Heartspeak hit the nail on the head. Many american churches have become so apathetic. The church was not created to serve ourselves or become a country club. The church has forgotten her mission given by Christ himself! To make disciples of all nations! I urge all pastors to unchain themselves from naysayers. Follow Christ alone no matter what! Pastors, are you willing to die for Christ? Are you willing to lose your job for Christ then? If you are, good! Be encouraged then because He, the God of the universe, is with you always. He holds you in the palm of His hand and he will not let go. Find those people in your church who are spirit filled and use them to serve, lead, and move the people to participate in the mission of Jesus Christ. When individual true followers of Christ actively participate in Christ’s mission, God pours out His blessings on them spiritually and otherwise. Through God, they become Christ centered, and the wordly things fade away. It is truly life changing! Move forward boldly, and the tares will become few.
Good word, Daughter!
I can’t help but wonder if seminaries/colleges are lacking in the education they’re giving to pastors these days. For example, one pastoring relative told us he received no training on church financial management. None. Also, some items on the list above seem like they could be dealt with to some extent at least with better church discipline. But I don’t know of seminaries/colleges who teach the proper implementation of that anymore either? On a related note, a friend just told us of the conflict between their church’s senior and associate pastors, that finally led to an all-church meeting where things almost came to blows. So their larger denominational leadership was brought in to evaluate the situation, they determined that both pastors should be let go, and told the congregation it was too immature as Christians, that it had a juvenile faith in Christ and needed to “grow up,” even though some of the members had been there over 20 years. It was a stunning story, but in a positive, refreshing way. After some months of interim pastors, the church has now hired a new man from another part of the country to lead them and they are starting small groups for the first time. All that to say–less “milk,” more “solid food,” more discipline, more adult expectations.
Being a recent graduate from Seminary I have to say, at least in the Episcopal tradition, there is barely enough time to teach the required courses in preparation for ordination dealing with ancient languages, scripture, pastoral care, liturgy, homiletics, and ethics (as mandated by the “National” church canon) that there simply isn’t enough time to require one more class without making Seminary more than 3 full years of residential study (and likely more in distance learning).
In my denomination’s past the process worked in a traditional setting with almost all newly ordained clergy, regardless of age, spent time as a curate – a priest whose only “purpose” was to learn the trade. They weren’t “responsible” for anything except learning the things you mention – discipline, finances, management, etc. But as congregations age and budgets get stretched even farther curacies are few and far between.
One “cure” is to evaluate the vow as a clergy/priest. When I was ordained I promised my Bishop, before God and the members of the Diocese present, that I would do 5 things. Ironically, finances and much of the other things we discuss are NOT in that list. The success or failure of a Parish is not based in the clergy (I may be branded a heretic but that’s what I think).
“Also, some items on the list above seem like they could be dealt with to some extent at least with better church discipline.”
Like Dr. Rainer, I’m a Southern Baptist, and our local congregations are autonomous. This makes church discipline easier said than done.
That is a pretty sad but accurate list. I resonate with #1 and #4 the most. One facet of people leaving is how they leave… I typically don’t try to talk people out of leaving. Some don’t say a word, others lie about their reasons. Very few people let you send them off with a blessing.
Sometimes, discouragement stems not from bad circumstances but from faulty expectations. The apostle Paul was as Spirit-filled, anointed, and zealous as any pastor or church planter you will ever find. Yet the churches he founded were plagued by false teaching, sexual immorality, division, and other types of internal strife. We pastors often think that if we lead the right way, everyone will fall in line. Nope. We are imperfect people leading congregations of imperfect people. The road to spiritual maturity can be agonizingly long, difficult, and muddy. I think it helps to have close friends and mentors in the ministry who can help shape and temper our expectations. Church leaders need to get real and encourage one another through our mutual hardships, and stop judging and competing with one another. We’re in this together.
How about discussing remedies to the problem?
I suggest beginning with increased transparency. The secular world has had to learn this and the religious world hasn’t yet. A lot of the complaining occurs when there is no release of information except through back channels. A Q&A session periodically, even online, would go a long way towards helping people who often feel left out or that they are not a part.
Please read the book “Boundaries for Leaders” and “Necessary Endings” both by Henry Cloud, et al.
Both of these books are excellent resources for leaders. One way abusers abuse is by wasting others time, talent and, if they can get their hands on it, tithe. Sometimes, for the good of everyone, is it necessary for leaders to roust the wolves in their flocks – especially the wolves dressed in shepherd’s clothing.
Also, please remember to thank those hard working, reliable folks that show up and help out – consistently. Those are the very folks that are often overlooked.
please don’t forget the wives who are basically raising small children alone! A lot of us are drowning here and the constant expectations of us and of our children are overwhelming. My prayer is that my children will grow up loving the church and not resenting it. We are in a very healthy church and I still get criticized for not being at every function, serving in every volunteer position, etc. not to mention my husband is heavily involved in missions and is gone out of the country at least twice a year. I knew what I was signing up for. I went to seminary with my husband and earned my own Master Of Divinity in Theology (SBTS). The pressure on the family is constant. Some days I seriously feel like I’m losing my mind. I also feel a disconnect between the older staff ( with grown children) and the younger staff, my husband who has a 6yr old, 3 yr old and 20 month old. I stay home and love my job (most days) but the major stresser in my life is my husband’s job. Pay isn’t great, he’s gone all the time and I’m still expected to be at every function. All while having no close friends because you can’t be authentic with the people who basically pay your husbands salary. I’m a young minister’s wife and I feel like the generational gap between me and the 60+ pastor’s wives in our church is just too great. They tell me to suck it up and pray. Well I do that but life is far busier now than 40 years ago when they were young moms. I just wish pastor’s wives would be more real and authentic. It is hard.
Kristi –
I just prayed for you and your family. Please see the posts at this blog about pastors’wives.
Kristi
I also just prayed for you and your family.
Kristi,
Said a prayer for you. I am right where you are even down to the ages of our kids!!!! We should get together. It is utterly overwhelming at times. I feel the same in so many ways. Praying that we both can be free of everyone elses expectations and just please Him. He is all that matters. I forget that all too often.
Kristi, be authentic with the people. The key is learn from Jesus, He had a small group that he was authentic with. You need to find those you can be close to, this will be those whom are in the role you find yourself in. Build a support group with women and mothers that are where you are. Use the the teen girls, they need your guidance and support.
You have a mission most women or men for that matter cannot see.
This mission is to support your husband and raise children to believe in God.
You and only you know what your children need.
This is a ministry of its own, and its importance is just as great as reaching nonbelievers in the world. Without your efforts where would our children be in relation to God? Was it not Timothy’s Grandmother who taught him the precepts of God. There are too many women in the Bible whom are over looked that without them out young, would not be ready or able to understand that there is a God for us to seek.
Having said all this just to say stand strong knowing that you will not be at every event because your first calling is to raise Godly children and show them God’s Grace.
Part of this calling is to teach other women how to raise God’s children so that they will not reject our God but seek Him.
You have a mighty task ahead of you. My prayers are for all mothers not to get discouraged in this task. Without my wife’s efforts I know my children would not have believed in Jesus Christ!!
My hope is that you will build a support group for you and other mothers in your congregation.
Stay strong in the Lord Pray a lot and let your children see you pray so that they may learn to lean on Our Savior.
In His Srevice
If you have you own Master Of Divinity in Theology, you are obviously an educated woman. Why don’t you have your own ministry/church and if you can, go to the pulpit? I don’t why you put up with some of that. Look online for an anonymous/closed room support group or talk to the other pastor’s wives in the town.
A good pastor should know when to say “no”, and so should a good pastor’s wife. Your family comes first, and if your critics don’t like it, that’s their problem.
Hi Kristi (nice name!)–I’m a pastor’s wife with an MDiv as well (HDS 06), and our kids are 7, 4 and 1. I’d love to connect with you to hear more about what you’re going through and offer encouragement, if you’re open to that. You can find me on Facebook or on my blog, http://www.babyhargrove.com. I actually just blogged about being a UMC pastor’s family last week, and though that post is both positive and negative, I know the down days can be so tough. Maybe someday I’ll write about our down days. I’ll pray for you too.
Sadly, I now consider myself a “recovering” pastor. Over my relatively short ministry in both missions, pastoral ministry, and church planting, I have struggled with every one of the above listed issues, especially 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, & 10.
I feel ashamed that I found myself so weak as to let these chip away at me until there was little left of the original man that committed his life to God’s services back in the early 90’s. I continue to pray that God might re-ignite the passion I once had, and refill my heart with love for His people.
This article is right on point. I am leading a turn-around effort in my church. I can identify 9 of the 10 in my church every week. It is no wonder I am exhausted and feeling that I am nearing the end of my rope. Seeing this in print validates my experience.
Mr. Rainer – You are consistently my favorite blogger/writer. I have been a pastor’s wife for 37 years and have seen so much change over the years. One thing that doesn’t change is people’s need for love and encouragement. I love my current season of life and ministry (I will be 57 years old Sunday). I want to be an encourager to the young women and wives in my church, and even more so as I grow older.
Thank you for all the ways you encourage those of us in ministry – the women too! There is no pain like church hurt and when our men hurt, we grieve too. Praying right now that God will encourage and bless the ministry families. Our oldest son is also a pastor. I pray my grandchildren will grow up seeing the love and grace of God’s people!
I get discouraged when I dwell on the sin in my own life. Yuck. I hate looking in the mirror.
This is one of the reasons I begin Faith-Based Mediation and became a certified mediator. It is must easier to speak to a neutral party when issues arise in the church, around the church and about the church with someone who understands the church but listens with an open ear and directs the power to those parties involved to arrive at an outcome.
I totally get this. We are a small church…2 staff members. The pastor and I are the only staff members. I have a full time job in addition to being the corporate administrator of the church. People come up to me all the time and say things like ” you ought to…..” or “the church ought to….” or “why don’t you…..”. When I say, “that’s a great idea, why don’t you run with it” I never hear another word about it. As a small church, we need all of the volunteers we can get. I only have 2 people that I can count on to teach the children. When we ask for more volunteers we never hear a word. It can be so frustrating when people say, if you would do this or that we would grow more but, we can’t get anyone to help.
I’ve run into that many times, especially at my last church. When I suggested the person do something about the problem instead of complaining, I would often get something like, “Well, I don’t have time, but someone needs to do it. If they don’t, I just might find another church.” When people said that, it took every last ounce of resistance to keep me from saying, “Well, there’s the door!”
#9 does not apply as I am the lone staff member, but I do deal with the same dynamic with volunteers. I regularly deal with all the others. Thanks for sharing this list. I wish that you were hot or cold but you are neither, you are making me sick to my stomach.
I love this list. It’s a good reminder of how we can support our clergy. Two things that I’ve done or seen done that have helped some of this is:
1)For the monthly business meeting, we start out by naming specific examples of where we’ve seen God at work in/through the church. The whole meeting starts well and seems to run more positively.
2)Once in a blue moon I remember to write the pastor or another spiritual mentor a personal note to either thank them for their ministry and what it has meant to me & my family…specifically or to compliment them on how I see God working through them…specifically. This I should do much more often.
Great ideas!
I’ve been a pastor for 19 years, and I can identify with every single item on this list. Some time ago a former member of my church was posted something on Facebook talking about how a church is a family, and you have to stick together even when you disagree. I just shook my head, because that same man left our church for a very trivial reason.
Regarding #8, if church members are trying to get to you by attacking your wife and family, it probably is time for you to look for another place of service. Such people clearly do not respect boundaries, and you’re probably fighting a losing battle. It’s too high a price to pay.
One final comment to Dr. Rainer: you say you wish you could do more to encourage pastors. I think I speak for many when I say these blogs are a HUGE encouragement. I know I blow quite a bit of steam on these blogs, but I’m glad to have a place where I can do so in the presence of people that understand. Keep up the good work, Dr. Rainer!
Thank you, Ken. Guys like you are my heroes.
Thank you for the words of encouragement. They mean a lot.
Correction: “Some time ago a former member of my church *posted* something on Facebook….” (I need to learn to proofread these comments before I post them!)
I would add “Justified Absenteeism”, You know, “we have family in, so we can’t attend church”…”our kids have a game so we have to be out of town”…”it’s deer season, you know”…”we have to (fill in the blank) so we can’t keep our church commitment.” Just a couple of weeks ago I got a call at 8:30 on Sunday morning stating “I decided to take my wife on an overnight trip for her birthday…could you get someone to teach our Sunday School class?” This stuff drives me crazy. Everyone has plenty of time to do what THEY want…just a little weak on giving time to what GOD wants them to do.
Preach on, brother!
Being a pastor’s wife, the daughter of a pastor/evangelist, the grand-daughter of a pastor/circuit preacher, the niece of a missionary/evangelist, the sister-in-law of a pastor, the daughter-in-law of a pastor … I think you get the picture … Thank you. This is sad, but oh, so true. One bit of statistic you may find interesting, I was reading a Christian magazine years ago and it stated that of all “occupation’s wives”, pastor’s wife was second only to surgeon’s wives for suicide. So they are saying, surgeon’s wives commit suicide most of all occupation’s wives, but pastor’s wives were a close second. I wish I could give you the references on that, but it’s been too many years. Needless to say, being in the ministry is not for the faint of heart. Even as a teen I told my dad I never wanted to marry a pastor, but when we married he WASN’T a pastor. 27+ years later … God has a sense of humor which presses me. lol Thanks for writing this article and keep up the good work. ~Faith
Very obvious in all of this is the reality that ministry/church/religion/Christianity is no different from the rest of human existence. And the most simple explanation of that is almost certainly the true one — that there is nothing special about Christianity, it doesn’t change a thing or have any special powers, and in fact it is simply a human creation we have come up with to support us in getting through our lives. And also likely first established as a means of controlling people. To expect it to have magical aspects will of course lead to disappointment, frustration, etc. And to claim more complicated explanations for the lack of magic/difference such as “tests of faith,” “means of growth,” “signs of wrong focus,” “temptations/faith challenges from Satan,” or any of the other means of clinging to church/faith in order to avoid the cognitive dissonance of leaving behind a world view many of us have been indoctrinated with since birth and are surrounded by constantly in our culture is unfortunately too often the path we choose. And the lack of courage in so many to acknowledge reality is a cause of great pain and even horror and death for many of us, suffering silently and unable to even share our newly clear view of the Emperor’s (lack of) clothing. The world will be far more beautiful some day when people can be as open about admitting that Christianity is no less a magical thought than the Nordic gods, Roman myths, Native American spirits, etc. etc. Currently, most of the same people who would laugh at beliefs in other magical things would also condemn, shun, refuse to hire or elect to public office the people who are open minded enough to see that all of these beliefs are the same!
If people find church/religion this difficult, why not face truth and leave it? If some instead find church/religion too helpful to their existence to leave it, I hope they can do so while understanding that their path is no more correct than any other made up story people follow or have followed throughout human history.
CJ, you could not be more wrong. Christianity stands out from the other religions of this world because of Jesus Christ. Even secular historians admit that Jesus existed, and that He changed the course of human history (John 3:16). He gave His life on the cross for our sins and rose from the dead, and through Him we have life and hope beyond the grave. Yes, we in the ministry often get discouraged, but our faith in Christ enables us to keep going. Furthermore, we have assurance that this world is not our home. Our God has prepared a better place for us (John 14:1-6).
You’re probably thinking, “But what if you’re wrong?” To which I respond, “But what I’m RIGHT?”
Everyone who believes a thing shares the same belief that her/her belief is somehow different. Of course they do, or why would they believe what they do over something else? And many other religious beliefs even also share the base in a human who did live on earth. (I anticipate that the next thought of a Christian reading this might be that those others weren’t at the same time “God.”) Many of the claims of difference (such as that ‘no others were both human AND God” one) are simply matters of semantics; many others are not even actually differences when viewed with a completely objective eye. They are tritisms we cling to in order to save ourselves from the cognitive dissonance that can come with truly looking objectively at reality.
What if one of the multitude of other religions is right? Why should that not bother/affect a person as much as the chance that Christianity might? The only reason I can see would be if there were proof one was true and/or the (probably most “powerful,” or best at harnessing humans’ fears) idea that if one doesn’t choose (the correct) Christianity, one will face an eternal cost. Which only demonstrates that nothing about Christianity is free. Christian belief includes the largest requirement of all — a mental one that is beyond even the control of many/most/all? people and that is certainly determined most commonly by the place and conditions of one’s birth and upbringing. It took me 45 years of intense Christian belief to come to have my own veil lifted and see this.
Ken, remember, the foolish are blind to the truth. Until they have the “faith” we share, they will try to explain God by earthly thought. His way (God’s) is not our ways, so we cannot use man’s way to prove God… it is a matter of faith, something that CL seems not to have. I do not have to defend God… He will do that Himself. I agree with your thoughts and words. Keep your eyes on our Savior.
Brother Thom,
I just felt compelled to respond back to your article. I have recently been reading your book “Autopsy of a Deceased Church” and it has really challenged me. I currently serve at a small Church that I believe is dying because of preferences and a lost attitude of reaching out to others. I find constant resistance to the point of where I am tired of fighting. I can already tell how a board meeting will go, how each board member will respond, and almost word for word, action for action that is how it plays out. There is a spirit of apathy. We talk like we care and we preach like we care, but inactivity drowns us. Deeds must back up words.
I have never commented on a blog before on the internet, so today is my first
This article encourages me because I know I”m not the only one who dreads going to a monthly board meeting because you already know how it will pan out., but it discourages me that so many good men are in this situation and leaving ministry in droves because of discouragement. I used to judge men that left ministry, deeming them as weaker, but now after nearly ten years of Christian ministry I find that the weight is at times almost unbearable, and I keep on hand a resignation letter. It breaks my heart constantly for what I know in my heart can happen, but what I know is happening (or isn’t happening). Thank you for this article, it gave me something to chew on. Would appreciate your prayers, as I will also be praying for you and your ministry. I was also wondering if you could suggest any material on encouragement for pastors and potentially Church planting. My wife and I have been praying about God’s direction in that regard and thought I would ask. Thanks for your constant encouragement!
All but 7 and 9 are hitting me squarely. Followed a pastor who was at the church for 33 years. 5 years before he left worship averaged 150, just before he left 35. After 2 years we are at 55-60 for worship, but not without these things taking a great deal out of us. My heart aches for the members but it is taking a heavy toll on my wife and myself. We are a point where 1/2 wants to move forward and 1/2 wants to keep it as it has been for the past 10 years or so, or they want someone else to do it. There is so much possibilities but few to do it, if the controllers will allow it done. It is as if they are tolerating us, so they can have a preacher. It is the feeling of, “we are doing fine the way we are”. Please pray for us and the church.
Reginald, I pastor in a very similar situation as you. A year and a half ago, at the request of my denomination, I moved from a growing church plant to a stagnant older church and became their pastor. I knew the challenges ahead of me trying to bring an air of change to a church that was founded before the 20th century, but that still doesn’t prepare you for the massive amount of frustration and discouragement that comes with it. If you try something to kick-start the church, and it doesn’t work, then you are second guessed. If you find success in something else, than the naysayers quickly find another area to complain about. Sometimes it seems like we’re just running in sand.
Be encouraged by this: recently I spoke with Larry Osborne, the author of Sticky Church. In his first three years at North Coast in San Diego, they grew numerically by one person, going from 200 to 201 attenders. However, they actually grew by 101 people. The 100 that left because they couldn’t get on board with the vision of the church moving forward were eventually offset by those that believed in the new vision there. Today, North Coast has over 9,000 people that call it home and Larry is influencing a new generation of pastors.
Listen, about 70% of Christians in America attend a church like yours and mine. We are the reality of church in our country. Every Monday morning, when you ask yourself why you are putting yourself through this, just know that most other pastors out there are doing the same thing. This is why James told us to consider our suffering for Christ to be “pure joy”. God will use you – He already is. You’ve nearly doubled in size in two years. That’s off the charts! But more importantly, you are correcting the hearts and minds of God’s most precious creations. He cares about what you are doing, and He won’t casually watch your efforts from afar. Inwardly, we all want church growth to be easy and fast, but since we deal with people – and particularly people who abhor the idea of life moving too fast – it will never be as easy as we want it. Keep the faith, never give up!
One of the things I find discouraging is that some members want us to be omniscient as well as omnipresent. I co-pastor two congregations with another pastor, so it is difficult to keep track of everyone. I have had members complain that I failed to ask about their ailing parent, or didn’t call about their child’s surgery even though the member failed to inform either pastor or church. I’ve had a member tell others that her husband wasn’t coming to church because he was waiting for me to call him about something that upset him. If no one tells me about these things, how can I respond? What discourages me the most is that I WANT to hear from members because I care about them. But I also am discouraged that these kinds of comments usually make their way to the Personnel Committee before I hear about them. Pastors would appreciate the opportunity to at least be notified directly about events in people’s lives.