CornellWatch

It’s official: the second episode of Ivy, Ithaca College’s horribly amazing TV show about Cornellians, is up. And it’s 2am and I just got back from the library and am in an, um, “study” daze — so I’m going to “write up” a drinking game while I watch it to, er, take the edge off. Here’s the rules: make one drink labeled CU for when something realistic happens and another one labeled IC for when something unrealistic happens! Unfortunately, all I have to drink is shitty Wegman’s Sangria. (Can someone please get them a liquor section, stat? I’m tired of having to go to Northside when I want my daily regimen of milk, eggs, and vodka.) Do me one better and post Cornell- and Ithaca-themed cocktails in the comments! My personal guidelines after da jump.

IC VS. CU: The Official Ivy Imbibin’ Game
00:59: DOUBLE-POPPED COLLAR AND AVIATORS. We understand the point is to take the stereotype to a whole ‘nother LEVEL but this is the stuff of Preppy-themed parties. IC!
2:06: A pledge talking back? No way in hell. He would just silently stop attending events like a REAL man. Plus, that kid looks like a guy I used to buy pot from on the commons. IC!
2:25: OMFG, are his wannabe mutton chops dyed green? IC!
2:35: Leprechaun mutton chops boy just (inexplicably) took the SOCKS POSING AS FAKE MUSCLES out of his shirt and threw them (limpwristedly) at the popped collar douche! Any self-respecting bro would know you can buy real fake muscles on the internets. IC!
3:55: A real Cornell ho would passive-aggressively text her friend about abandoning her at the party last night instead of confronting her in the flesh. IC!
4:10: Oh-so-studious Emily was shitfaced by 11:30 and cheated on her boyfriend with a pre-law student whose name she remembers, in a car whose color and brand she remembers. Where is her hangover and fuzzy memory? But! She is probably lying about being so drunk and using it as an excuse to be a slut, which is totally Cornell. Finally, a CU!
4:40: Amanda, who’s supposed to be the sorority-bound JAP in love with Uggs, would/should know how to talk to boys more than study-hoggy money-grubbing Emily. IC!
5:10: No fucking way: Chris is all-of-a-sudden going French artiste circa Montmartre and wearing a beret and working on his painting project. At least the beret’s almost Cornell red, though, so we’ll give points for (idiotic) consistency… CU!
5:25: The EMTs couldn’t tell if someone had a concussion? CUEMS does a way better job than that, despite the fact that their speciality is stomach pumps. IC!
6:25: The most realistic thing we’ve seen thus far: a pledge being called to be his Big Brother’s bitch. CU!
7:10: Douche Big Brother Bradley has stripped to one polo, with the collar in the cutting-edge half-pop position. More realism! Go CU!
8:00: I can’t understand a word Lex is saying… if anyone can, decide for yourself whether to IC or CU.
8:30: Keith just said “[Earplugs] reduce the voluminousness of the audio with the frequency of loud.” Whether the pretentiousness works or not is up to you, but we’ve recently been told that his accent is REAL. (He’s from Zimbabwe where there are British people or something.) Drink to this discovery: CU!
10:45: Love Lex’s purple hazing costume and Emily’s jab at him for being “Captain Trust Fund.” I can see them as asshole Cornell kids. CU!
11:50: A cheating girl wouldn’t be so obvious about her cheating. Unless she’s going to be caught in the act by Chris! I guess Cornellians are pretty predictable, though, so CU!
12:05: Emily is wearing a keffiyeh, which is so hipster trend pre-Rachael Ray Dunkin Donuts Debacle. What is her character supposed to be? Why is she not the sorostitute-type Ugg-wearer? IC!
12:40: Finally, the Ugg-wearer in her natural habitat, drunkenness. CU!
13:25: Emily and Amanda should’ve made out while dancing there to achieve true slut status. IC!
13:35: The way the camera pans in and out and in and out and in calls to my mind very familiar times at frat parties. Whirl around a few times and CU!
14:40: I wish Amanda was grasping onto something for support and that she were more consistently shwastyface (slurring, not making sense, etc.). At Cornell, we get drunk and stay drunk. IC!
16:05: Wow, Amanda’s done already? Quick trick. Anyway, replay “I need a driiiiiink” and WATCH HER FACE. Each time you repeat, CU!
16:30: God, again: Cheating. Girls. Are. Not. This. Retarded. At least not at Cornell. PS-Die, keffiyeh, die. IC!
17:15: My god. Amanda’s scream. Priceless. Replay this one and CU as necessary. Yeah, these have nothing to do with trueness to Cornell but my recycled Pom glass of Sangria is GONE and they’re fun.
18:00: So when does Chris transfer to IC? Just sayin’. Take half an IC, cause that’s what he is right now.
18:25: Lex is crying over Chris de-pledging… very homoerotic, just like regular frat boy activities. CU!
18:50: Why didn’t Chris tap the rebound hit on Nats? Make it happen already. Oh, and we’ll CU next week, har har har. One last note: even if you’re playing on your own terms, you could use the totals below to proportion your drinks responsibly, though it’s probably more fun if you didn’t.

Total
IC: 11.5
CU: 12+

Tags: ICTV, ithaca college, ivy

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008 at 1:00 am by D. Evan Mulvihill and is filed under drunkblogging. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.