Horrible Fanfiction #66: It’s My Life (part 11), a Portal fanfic
As mentioned previously, now that I know that tropers read this, I feel like it’s my duty to try and finish the story. That means no My Immortal for a while, unfortunately.
Portal 2 spoilers, be warned.
AN I CANT BEELEVE HOW MANY REVIEWS MY STORY IS GETTIN SOON ILL HAVE A HUNDERD! I LOVE YOU GUYZ!
They’re almost all flames. You have to admire her optimism. Or, rather, her self-delusion.
PS OK I WAS RONG ABOUT CAVE JONSON I THOT HIS NAME WAS GABE SO TO FIX THE PLOT HOLE, AFTER MARRISSA WENT TO FUTURE GABE JONSON CHANGED NAMED TO CAVE IN ONOR OF HIS DED BROTHER.
Well, that clears everything up.
ITS MY LIFE!
CHAPTER ELEVEN: RIES OF CHELLGADOS
“CHELLGADOS”?
“Oh thank bloody god were finally back in the sodding present Marrissa!” Wheatly happily said to me as we got out of time mashine into Portal Labs like it was befour.
Did you miss Wheatley and his horrible dialogue? I know I did… n’t.
With GLaDOS an Atlas an P-BODY died from last time now we cold have peace at last. Then some weerd noises started to come out of the walls lick something was climbin in im.
*cue dramatic horror-movie music*
The wall boomed up an a the scarryest thing ever came out it was… CHELL AN GLaDOS FUSIONED.
Look, I’m all for shipping them but this is just ridiculous.
“Hahaha Marrissa you didt make sure I was realy dead. Now I have fused with Chell an she is the body an I am the brane an butt (Becos shes a a**!)”
Shut up, she is not.
Chell was all covered with robothings an wiers with GlaDOSs head were her booty was an sum tubes in Chell face.
So is Chell now talking out her ass?
“Buggering wanker shes gone mad!” Wheatly cried.
Which one? Chell? She was already brain-damaged in this fic. GLaDOS? Well, she’s not exactly the sanest character to begin with, is she?
CHELLGAODS lolled an opened a door from the wall an guess who stepped oot… ATLAS AN P-BODY bu something was diffrent about P-Body. She had a big bumpy thing in her robot place.
Oh dear. Don’t tell me… she’s pregnant, isn’t she? Quite an achievement for someone who only recently discovered she was female.
Also, quite an achievement for a robot.
“Atlas you b**** you madded me preganent now I cant drink or smoke drugs!” P-Body was soo mad soundin but Atlas said “Well you sholda thot about that befour we-”
“— did something no one outside of the kink meme wants to hear about.”
“SHUT UP YOU TO AN KILL MARRISSA!” CHELLGaDOS interoperated, they looked mean at me but I was fed up with all this an just shot my power blast at them an Atlas an P-Body bloomed up.
Did they turn into a pretty flower?
“Oh dear god save the queen its some bloody toobs!” Wheatly pointed up with eye an I look up an saw that toobs made Atlas an P-Body a gain!
Yeah, nothing scarier than tubes, Wheatley. The queen would likely be terrified if she wasn’t so dead.
“Ever time you kill them I can just rebuild LOL” CHELLGaDOS said really loud.
If you’re wondering why MarissaTheWriter keeps typing “CHELLGaDOS” instead of “ChellGLaDOS”, don’t worry! It’s not a typo! She has perfectly insane reasons, which we’ll get to later.
I did a doble jump an grabed the toob, stuffin Wheatly in my jumpsuit so he was happy becos my chests were so big an squishy.
What I find odd is that there’s apparently room for Wheatley in Marissa’s jumpsuit. I mean, what, is it ten sizes too big?
I climed up the toob an entered the walls behind. All the wierd drawings was there sayin stuff like “The cake is lie” an things. There was only one person hoo cold stop CHELLGaDOS… RATMAN!
And he’s capable of stopping “CHELLGaDOS” why? Rattman is pretty badass at times, but he doesn’t appear to be the sort of person who’s much use in combat. Otherwise, he would have tried to defeat GLaDOS himself instead of using Chell.
I had to find him usin my detective powers so I used them an saw that Rtaman had writed this stuff about 10 AM so the trale was still hot.
We don’t even know if Rattman is still alive or doing science. Canonically, that is…
I ran thru the air ducks dodgin fans an cleaner robots that keeped sayin I was soo pretty an asking me to date them so Wheatly said “F*** OFF YOU BLOODY BURGERS!” An they stopped makin words.
Bloody burgers? Lulz.
Since when are there cleaner robots?
There was a crumbly sound an I looked back, CHELLGaDOS was followin me thru the ducks!
[DUCK JOKE HERE]
“YOU CANNOT ESKAPE ME THIS TIME MARRISSA YOU WILL FINALLY DYE FOR STOPING ME FROM SEWISIDING AN BREAKIN MY TESTS!”
This dialogue for GLaDOS just makes me angry. That’s how dumb it sounds. It doesn’t help that GLaDOS is one of my favorite characters ever (if not my very favorite), but I assume even people who don’t feel that way about her are getting irritated by how stupid this is.
She was soo mad that she punched alls the way thrur part of the air duck an made Chells hand all bloody an bone. “YEOOUCH!” CHELLGaDOS yelled forgettin she was Chell an GlaDOS now so both feeled the same hurt. I lolled at them an sprinted way with my lung fall boots.
Try to imagine GLaDOS yelling “YEOOUCH!” I tried, and I couldn’t do it.
The air duck collapsed so it was a good thing my long boobs cold brake the fall.
I’d better go and add Buxom is Better to this story’s TV Tropes page.
“Its a good thing we finally meet at last, Marrissa.” A strange lookin guy with thin an labcoat that was like cape say. “I am Ratman I fight a gainst the bad robots lick CHELLGaDOS an now we can teem up. Heer take this weapon its like GLaDOSs diskourage lazer beams but a gun.”
Thermal Discouragement Beams. Those are called Thermal Discouragement Beams.
And where’s Rattman’s Companion Cube? Rattman is not Rattman without his Companion Cube.
I lolled at him an esplained “I dont need weapons I have cool powers instead.” An I went all glowy an electric an Ratman got a “dude WTF” look on his feces.
Kind of like the looks your readers have on their faces, MarissaTheWriter?
He got two of the lazer guns an put them on an said “Alrite Marrissa lets get ready to fight an kill CHELLGaDOS once an four all!” But I got kinna nervos becos then I wold have to kill my retorded sister an mom together too…
…not to mention, a good chunk of the canon cast…
TO BE CONTINUED!
SORRY THIS CHAPTER IS SHORT BUT THE NEXT ONE IS THE BIG FINAL BATTLE BETWEEN MARRISSA AN CHELLGADOS OR IS IT? FIND OUT NEXT TIME!
Oh joy.
July 22, 2012 at 4:38 pm
I laughed so hard at “long boobs” instead of “lung fall boots” which really should have been “long fall boots” but is spelled wrong.
Proofread please?