James is evicted; Howie is HOH for second double-elimination week

And then there were six hamsters remaining. James’ last-ditch effort to avoid eviction didn’t work, which was surprising, because he’s played both sides of the house. He was evicted unanimously. Even Ivette voted against him, although she covered her eyes as she did so, because covering your eyes makes betraying your pretend friend okay. (She went into the bathroom and cried, perhaps forgetting that she’d just voted against him.)

The new HOH Howie narrowly beat Beau in a sort of skee-ball with bowling balls game, and then had to immediately nominate two people for eviction. He nominated Beau and Ivette, which was probably not the best move, but at least he didn’t choke and nominate Janelle and himself.

During the episode, we also saw Jennifer pretend to be excited to greet Rachel at the jury’s lakeside sequester house. The two jury members watched a tape of the show and, hysterically, Jen said, “It’s like a real television show.” Almost, Jennifer, almost.

The highlight of the episode, however, was the requisite family interview, this time with April’s beloved husband, Matt, and her doggy, Pepperoni. Matt boldly stood up to Howie, who went apeshit on April a few weeks ago. “I don’t appreciate what he did with my wife,” Matt boldly said.

Responding to Howie’s comment that he is April’s “fat hubby,” Matt said, “I’m big boned but I’m not fat, okay? Szz, I just want to say that,” he said/sniveled. Perhaps realizing that he was making an unconvincing case, Matt did his best impression of masculinity, saying, “You want some of this, Howie, huh? You want some of this? You want a little pony keg? [thanks to readers for help with the translation; I thought he said party cat] Is that what you’re looking for? Huh?”

Um, dude, I’ve never started a fight in my life, but at least I know that when you’re threatening another guy, you should try not to look like you’re imitating a producer who’s standing off-screen, egging on your wimpy ass. Try something like, “I’m waiting for you outside the Big Brother house with a hatchet, you huge-nippled, loud-mouthed, man-child mothafucka!”