Better Than I Planned
We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.
– George Bernard Shaw
When I first decided to do this website, as I’ve mentioned many times before, it was originally for my own evolutionary purposes. It was for my own need to work through something very personal and the only reason I decided to make it a public blog was to share something with the web community that I thought might be helpful for people in some way, shape, or form.
Things have not worked out exactly as I had planned …
They are – in fact – about 100 times better.
A return to Babylon 5 … given how far I have come is an empty experience for me. Whatever fear I had when I wrote that first essay years ago was long gone after the first 3 episodes. I have found myself shaking my head and wondering – with a thick and disgusted sadness – what kind of moron I was in the past that I couldn’t comprehend or understand the lessons that now seem utterly Seussian. I look back on that person as if they are a stranger to me and I have so little respect for that empty shell that was so easily brought to its knees by the weaknesses, the melodrama, and that mistakes of JMS’ brilliantly created characters. I was as lost, as misguided, as angry, as dishonest, and as desperate as they all once were.
In the end though didn’t we all pay the ultimate price for enlightenment? We all suffered. We all fell. We all rose up again and – in some cases – were reborn to who we were meant to be. I know I was.
Documenting my return to Babylon 5 is not as exciting as if I had documented my original journey. That process and how it changed me for life is something that truly would have been epic storytelling and would have made for great reading over the years for others taking similar journeys of ascension and self-enlightenment.
All I can do now is look back and say with confidence, “I am not that lost, naive, ignorant person anymore.”
All I can do now is look back and say with exhaustion, “It was a journey absolutely worth making.”
All I can do now is look ahead and say with pride, ”I can teach others what I learned.”
I have been a teacher, a lecturer, and a therapist, to many people over the years since Babylon 5. I have risen to such levels of awareness since then that the world seems a thin scrim of what it once was and people are just as transparent. I have been fortunate enough to have been able to use my vision, my creativity, and my limited wisdom to help a handful of exceptional people over the years but none has been as promising as Jennie Song.
By the time we finished the pilot episode and video segment I knew that this website wasn’t really for me and that this was the chance I had missed originally; the chance to document a truly life altering and spirit transforming journey from the very beginning. Everything I have labored to evolve into all these years, through B5 and beyond, was to bring me full circle to this moment with such an exceptional student.
I’m no longer a pilgrim navigating the Babylon 5 star map … I am now a guide.
