Scout Schultz
Scott P. Schultz, a.k.a. "Scout", was a mentally unstable 21-year-old nonbinary intersex bisexual who attended college at the Georgia Institute of Technology where he was president of the LGBT Pride Alliance and known for being politically active (i.e., Tuck Frump). Scout's pronouns are not important because he's fucking dead and we don't give a shit. On September 16, 2017, Scout finally realized that his life was pointless and decided to do the world a favor and remove himself from this miserable plane of existence.
Unfortunately, Scout was too much of a whiny liberal pussyfaggot to paint the walls with his brains, paint his chair with his blood, make a 1950s negro necklace, drink a gallon of Chlorox Bleach, jump in front of a Mack Truck or fly a commercial airliner into a tall building in New York City – instead choosing to get someone else to do the work for him, as was customary for his tribe of lazy, basement-dwelling Millennial hipsters who voted for Bernie Sanders. Fortunately, he did die with the knowledge that getting shot hurts like a bitch.
Contents
Scott's Early Life[edit]
Scott P. Schultz was born sometime in the mid-1990s to parents William "Bill" Schultz and Lynne Schultz, a pair of unattractive liberal hippies who had both realized that they weren't ever going to find anyone better before reaching menopause and/or succumbing to their inevitable death. Scott often claimed himself to be "intersex", a legitimate medical condition where one is born with ambiguous genitalia – although it seems far more likely that this was complete and utter bullshit and Scott was just a typical biological male who merely began using "intersex" as a label because he was a fucking retarded transtrender who thought that it sounded cool and wanted to fit in with his faggy millennial friends.
At some point in his teens, Scott fell victim to the disease that is modern "Social Justice" and suddenly began identifying as "Scout" and decided that he was a nonbinary bisexual whose pronouns were them/they/cunts – which shouldn't be at all surprising considering the fact that both of his parents were batshit crazy progressive liberals who support Antifa's doxing of "White Supremacists", believe that Russia hacked the 2016 election and want the U.S. to have a $20 minimum wage. In fact, the only redeeming quality we could find about Scott's parents is the fact that his dad hates Israel and the Jews so much that he almost makes us look like a bunch of penny-pinching, hook-nosed Zionists.
A few examples of Scott's parents being dumb libtards:
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Bill Schultz supports a $20 minimum wage and other socialist crap - Bill Schultz is a pseudo-intellectual who thinks Bill Nye is an actual scientist
- Bill Schultz calls Republicans "racists"
- Bill Schultz blames Al Gore's "global warming" for causing natural disasters
- Bill Schultz wants to bankrupt the Secret Service and NYPD
- Bill Schultz blames Putin for the "Alt-Right"
- Bill Schultz is mad that Israel revoked a terrorist's citizenship
- Lynne Schultz helps Antifa spread the dox of supposed "white supremacists"
Eventually, Scout started dressing like a girl—something that he failed so hard at that he almost made Chris-Chan look like a master of passing—and began making a name for himself as an LGBT activist despite being an ugly, white, heterosexual, cisgender male virgin who still played Dungeons and Dragons in fucking 2017.
We seriously aren't even kidding, he actually still played that 1970s shit in 2017. Apparently his parents were too fucking cheap to buy him Skyrim.
William "Bill" Schultz, raging anti-semite.
SHOOT ME, YOU DONUT-SNORTING PIGS![edit]
On September 16, 2017, Scout came to the horrifying realization that his life was completely worthless – quite possibly because he finally realized that 21 years of his parents' mental abuse and constant attempts to shove their leftie politics down his throat had caused him to completely emasculate himself and corrode his identity while making him look like an absolute joke to anyone with a brain.
Realizing that he couldn't fit all of his emo angst into a single letter, Scout proceeded to write three suicide notes before grabbing his knife and calling the police to report a suspicious FUCKING WHITE MALE who was skulking around a parking lot armed with a knife and possibly a gun.
| —Scout describes himself to authorities | ||
Unbeknownst to the police, the white male in question was Scout himself who immediately greeted them with the following little gem:
| —Scout, asking for it | ||
Wanting to de-escalate the situation, 23-year-old rookie baconator Tyler Beck had to react quickly. Remembering the skillz that he had learned in cop school, Officer Beck soon realized that those hundreds of hours of forced diversity training weren't going to help him neutralize an unhinged, lunatic faggot with a knife. Officer Beck quickly improvised and decided to pull out a line that was ripped straight out of every single episode of COPS that he had ever seen on FOX.
| —Tyler Beck misgenders Scout. | ||
Little did Officer Beck know that he had just made the fatal mistake of assuming Scout's gender. Scout began advancing towards Officer Beck with his tiny little knife and refused to heed Beck's multiple commands to put down the weapon and stop advancing. It was at this moment that Officer Beck had to make the decision that all police dread live for and, despite Scout not being black person and still having vast amounts of white male privilege, fired a bullet straight through Scout's heart. It's pretty safe to say that Scout immediately regretted his choice of suicide method based on the agonizing screams that he emitted after realizing that getting shot tends to hurt even more if you aren't the one pulling the fucking trigger.
| —Scout's lulzy last words after finding out that getting shot in the heart hurts like fuck | ||
It Wuz A Gud "Boi!"[edit]
Following their faggot son's timely death, Scout's parents grabbed their porch monkey shyster and threw a spectacular press conference to ask the most important question that was on everyone's minds following the tragedy – why in the world would a trained police officer shoot an armed individual who was advancing towards him with a potentially deadly weapon and ignoring orders to stop?
Previous Quote | Next Quote | |||||
Realizing that some people may be smart enough to understand why their idiot son was shot, they also attempted to make a point out of how small their son's knife was and attempt to suggest that the lethal weapon he was brandishing and threatening police with just wasn't lethal enough to be worth shooting him over.
Their lawyer, an distinguished gentleman of color named L. Chris Stewart—who is most well known for representing the families of the dead dindu thugs that Black Lives Matter love to use as an excuse to commit acts of kindness—even dared to suggest that Scout wasn't actually trying to commit suicide-by-cop at all despite leaving three fucking suicide notes in his dorm and calling the police on himself. He also suggested that Scout was in the middle of a mental breakdown, although this seems unlikely judging from Scout's calm demeanor in the 911 call.
Considering the fact that they hired a lawyer who's known for profiting off the deaths of young black men who were justifiably shot by police, it's safe to say that the Schultz family is more interested in getting free money from exploiting their son's death than they are about changing any perceived issues with Georgia's police force. Better insist on a civil suit, cunts.
Antifa Celebrates With Fireworks[edit]
Outraged over the death of their fallen broster, the Atlanta division of the (((domestic))) terrorist organization known as Antifa decided that they had enough of an excuse to go out and wreck shit again. What followed was a long night of middle class, mostly white hipsters chanting "Fuck the police!" and setting a police car on fire.
Contrary to what happens at most Antifa riots, the police were not forced to stand down by their superiors and, following the assault on several law enforcement officers by a pack of feral Antifa thugs, they managed to arrest one hipster, one negress and Shaggy from Scooby Doo.
Facebook Trolling[edit]
Quotes[edit]
| —Loretta Ho, reminding us that parody and degeneracy are indistinguishable | ||
Videos[edit]
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Gallery[edit]
He looks like tranny TJ.
Selling Goy Scout cookies or some shit.
"Hello, can I check your Thetan levels?"
The Fat in the Hat
This is why Donald Trump will be president for 8 years.
Scout Schultz had lost the genetic lottery as soon as these things decided to fuck.
WHY DIDN'T YOU LET MY SON STAB YOU!?! WHY!?!
What Lynne Schultz actually looks like.
L. Chris Stewart, the Schultz family's lolyer.
See Also[edit]
External Links[edit]
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Scout Schultz on Facebook - Lynne Schultz on Facebook - its mum.
- Bill Schultz on Facebook - its daddy.
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#GeorgiaTechRiots - what happens when cops shoot a suicidal faggot. - Are US police too quick to shoot knife-wielding suspects? - The BBC asks the most retarded question ever.
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Scout Schultz is part of a series on Visit the Social Justice Portal for complete coverage. |
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Scout Schultz is part of a series on Visit the Faggotry Portal for complete coverage. |
| Scout Schultz is part of a series on Dying Alone
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| Featured article September 21 & 22, 2017 | ||
| Preceded by Tom Preston |
Scout Schultz | Succeeded by Valerie Plame |
