Dude, I don't mean to pile on, but how in the hell did you jump to this conclusion? I mean seriously, how? It's one thing to ask if a friend has mutual feelings for you and going from there - but just to just flat out ask if you should randomly sleep together because you have a strong friendship is ludicrous.
You could have said "Do you think the two of us sleeping together is a good idea" but I guarantee that what she heard was "I want to fuck you". You say you told her you "didn't think of her that way" but that obviously isn't true, it was your idea after all. No one who doesn't think of their friend as a potential sex partner is going to ask said friend about having sex with them.
I get the impression that you consider the hand holding to be a conciliatory act, but she probably saw it as an escalation.
Let me stop you right there.
Not sure what OP expected posting this on ERA. Post like this have come around before and the same stuff happens.
Indeed. People need to chill the fuck out. We all make mistakes.
May be asleep still.
Yeah because there is no precedent of ERA's general reaction when these sorts of threads are created, right? If OP doesn't like it, then he can tell a mod to close the thread.
This x100
Absolutely fucking not. Calling that overreaction is some spurious bullshit, especially considering the circumstances.
Yup. I feel bad for her.
He did mess up so stop downplaying his behaviour. It doesn't help him or anyone else in a situation that needs to learn boundraries and social cues. He should be able to read this thread and come out of it understanding he was 100% in the wrong and that he needs to leave her alone and work on himself.
Yeah, the way I see it, asking to have sex with her was definitely a mistake but in certain circumstances, friends deciding to have sex is not a bad thing and people have done it so the simple idea of asking a friend if they want sex is not immoral - just completely tone deaf and inconsiderate since this was definitely NOT one of those circumstances. The real fuck up was every thing OP did in reaction to her saying no. Grabbing her hand, calling her, telling her he would tell her ex (why?), showing up at her work, showing up at her house... like it was just an escalating series of really bad moves. If I was her, I would also be scared.
Why exactly? Expressing sexual interest is now unforgivable ? A simple no is enough , even get angry and block himI understand, burn the ground around OP and tell everyone what happened shaming him for and advance? That’s a fucking over action and a childish one
Did you not click the link to the post explaining why his behaviour was awful? Did you also miss the fact that he touched her hand AFTER she bluntly told him no and was visibly creeped out, and the fact that he told her "I'm gonna tell your ex-boyfriend about what just happened between us" (and he did) which is grossly inappropriate, and how he continued to try to talk to her repeatedly after?
You're saying we should endlessly shame somebody for no reason other than because we can? That's called being an asshole.
I like how you ignore the OP thought it was a good idea threat her with telling to her ex. She has good reasons to want cut off him of her life.
How is this hard for you to understand? They had a strained friendship and this night out before leaving was supposed to be them reconciling. They were having a personal converstation and the OP decided out of nowhere to ask her for sex before he left and then after rejecting him and showing how uncomfortable she is he proceeded to grab her hand and act like his intentions weren't about sex. Then after all of this he continued to bother her and even showed up at her place demanding she give him time.
That's exactly the makeup of ERA. When haven't we been assholes in these sorts of threads?
Women are not your therapist, stop.
You’re looking for validation yeah. But you wronged her, badly.
Yeah he is and that you’re telling him otherwise shows you in a pretty bad light.
Not really, it just shows I understand people are human and make mistakes and don't feel the need to grandstand on a message board and put forth an imaginary standard of conduct that virtually no one, including you, has passed during the course of their life. With that being said, I was hoping my recommendation for therapy would help him and the behaviors he's expressed in his post. It's certainly more helpful than telling someone they are a piece of shit.
