Oh boy, we’re getting right back into it I see. The episode starts on Earth 2 with us learning that Hillary Clinton is campaigning for her second term and things seem to be ok in this particular world…right before Chuck makes his appearance and we quickly learn that isn’t going to last.

There was a lot going on in this episode but I’m going to focus mainly on my favourite character on this show: Free Will. 

After finding a captive audience to monologue to, Chuck shows him all the different worlds where the story played out the way he wanted it to. In all of them it’s just Sam and Dean. Always just Sam and Dean. And then he points to our earth. The one where the story’s not playing out the way he wants it to, and yet that’s also the very reason he’s fascinated by this one earth. 

He is literally pointing at Dean and Cas. The shot focuses on Dean and Cas for a lot of the scene and yet Chuck still doesn’t mention Cas’ name or even acknowledge that he’s there. He still keeps talking about Sam and Dean. 

Chuck has very deliberately been leaving Cas out of the story all season. Becky’s note on his draft “No one even mentions Cas.” I mean this pretty much goes all the way back 4x22 when Chuck told them that Cas rebelling was not part of the story. For a time it seemed like Chuck had come around on Cas and how he played an integral role in this story, but at some point, I think probably s11 or maybe after Cas placed all of his faith in the Nephilim who could bring about his destruction, he changed his mind about that. After all he opted not to bring Cas back after 12x23, even when Dean broke down and begged him to. 

Cas isn’t fated to play a role in any part of this story. God doesn’t want him there, and as we learn from Billy, Sam, Dean and Jack all have an important part to play in bringing about Chuck’s demise - at least according to her books. Not Cas though. He very conspicuously has not been given a role in anyone’s version of an “Endgame.”

Dean and Cas’ whiskey fuelled conversation was also quite revelatory. 

Cas is uncharacteristically happy…which I’m not really going to say much about because I honestly can’t tell if the show still plans on addressing that dangling plot thread, so I’m going to hold off on mentioning anything about it right now. Anyway the point is, Cas feels vindicated. 

I knew it Dean. When I was with Jack’s mother, she…you know Kelly just had faith that Jack would be good for the world, and I felt it too - I knew it! And then when everything went wrong and God took him from us, I-I was lost in a way I’ve never been before, because I knew the story wasn’t over, I knew Jack wasn’t done. And I was right.

That brings me back to what both Dean and Cas had to say about Jack and his importance back in s12. 

12x19

Cas: Thank you for coming to fight for us. 

Dean: Are you ok?

Cas: I am. I’ve been so lost. I’m not lost anymore. And I know now that this child must be born with all of his power.

12x23

Cas: You don’t have to worry. The child, he opened this door. He’ll close it.

Dean: You sure about that?

Cas: I have faith. 

Dean: Really? In your unborn baby-God?

Cas: Yes.

Dean: Well then you’re a dumbass. 

There are a lot of interesting things going on here. Without a purpose and role, Cas has always felt lost. Finding Jack meant finding a role to play, knowing that Jack needed him and that he could help him, made Cas feel like he belonged. Cas feels that his place in the Winchester family is so tentative, which explains why he clings so tightly to being useful. With Jack he’s useful. Of course he loves Jack with all his being too, but Jack also needs him. 

There’s also the not so small issue of Dean and Cas’ big fight this season. One of the things Dean said to him was the very thing that Cas has been afraid of for so long. That he messes up everything he touches. That he keeps on failing. Dean and Cas may have forgiven each other and patched things up, but that doesn’t mean that Cas doesn’t still think that what Dean said had some truth behind it. It’s what he’s been thinking about himself for so long anyway.

Thinking he finally got something right, that he made the right decision when it seemed to everyone else like he was messing up…I think Cas the way Cas feels can only be summed up by this Raymond Holt gif

Originally posted by enamoratrix

And that’s all well and good Cas and I’m glad you’re having a moment of feeling good about yourself, but the thing is Cas is still only seeing his self worth as existing when he’s in service to others. He’s not putting his own wellbeing first, second, or really anywhere in his priorities. If that Connect 4 game is prescient of anything, it seems Cas is still more than willing to sacrifice himself in order to let those who he thinks is worthy, those who have been singled out by the cosmic beings, win the game.

Cas is forgetting the most important thing. It doesn’t matter what the Cosmic Beings want. They don’t care about the people. That’s the biggest difference between our heroes and the Higher Powers, they always put the people first. They’re all that matters. Kaia mattered. They all do. Chuck doesn’t get that, and Billie doesn’t either. Like she said she’s in service to the bigger picture. And if we want to talk about the number one rule of Winchester stupidity, it’s always putting the seemingly inconsequential humans first, regardless of the bigger picture. 

I don’t know exactly where Cas’ story is leading, but something tells me he, (actually all of tfw really) is going to get a refresher in the importance of free will and not putting all your faith in what’s supposedly already been decided. Whether that lesson’s going to be a painful one…well you’re watching Supernatural after all. Let’s hang on for the rest of this ride. Here’s hoping there’s peace when we’re done.

(Ok sorry about that last line. Turns out my dad joke impulses are stronger than I am!)

Ooh also one last thing, they’ve repeatedly emphasising how much “I’m fine” actually means the opposite for a while now, but to go from Chuck saying “everything’s fine” to him immediately sending meteors to blow up a universe? Well if anyone missed the memo, they’ve got it now!

Ok so ever since I heard Bob Singer talk about how if he had any say in the matter, Dean would have a peaceful ending (JIB season 9), I’ve never really had much doubt that this story wasn’t going to end bleakly or as a tragedy. I’m pretty confident this episode just confirmed that.

Supernatural is telling a much different story now than it was in Kripke’s years, and I think Becky underlined the main difference between Kripke’s version of an ending and Dabb’s. How does she describe Chuck’s ending that he’s sure the fans will love? 

“It’s awful. Horrible. It’s hopeless.”

And that’s the key word. Hopeless. 

5x22 was a beautiful ending. It was about love, free will, family, redemption, fighting against seemingly insurmountable odds and winning, however, one thing it wasn’t about was hope. Particularly if 5x22 had been the series finale and ended with Cas and Bobby dead, Sam trapped in hell for eternity and Dean forced to suffer alone with that guilt for the rest of his life.

That’s just not the kind of story this is anymore. If there’s one consistent theme that’s been running through the Dabb era, it’s the promise of hope and a better way. For me, this became particularly evident from the season 11 finale, when Dean set aside the violent and self destructive plan, instead hoping he could reach Amara in a more peaceful way.

Look at Cas’ story in season 12. He spends the season depressed and struggling until Jack gives him hope that things can be better. Or Dean being so broken in the first few episodes of season 13 until Cas returns and he has hope again. Later in the season after he thinks they’ve defeated Michael and Lucifer and gotten their mom back, may be the most hopeful and at peace we’ve ever seen Dean, as he’s dreaming of cocktails on the beach with his brother and Cas. Not to mention 13x21 and Sam feeling almost giddy with hope because he can feel how close they are to some kind of happy ending.

What’s been driving them has been the hope that (and excuse me for this) there’ll be peace when they are done. They’ve been building towards this kind of ending for years now, and by having Chuck completely shut it down this early in the season makes it that much more likely that’s the kind of ending we’re going to get. 

Now another thing that certainly caught my eye. I said above that I’ve never really doubted that Sam and Dean would get a somewhat happy ending, but I can’t say I’ve always been so confident about Cas’ fate. But this episode made me feel, at least somewhat, cautiously optimistic about Cas’ story.

Pretty much all the dolls in Becky’s house were sets of some combination of TFW. Cas was in almost all of them (apologies for the poor screencaps)

However, in the scene where Chuck writes his drafts, both the first one which Becky criticised for not mentioning Cas as well as the second terrible hopeless one with the tombstone that says Winchester, there are just the two dolls of Sam and Dean. No Cas to be found.

Cas was never really supposed to be a part of Chuck’s story. Chuck’s told him as much before. And just as it was the case back then, it seems to still be the case now. He’s not supposed to be a part of the story Chuck’s writing? Well something tells me that’s not going to stop him from playing his part nonetheless. He’s no stranger to making it up as he goes. 

So yeah, I found the fact that they called attention to this particularly significant. Cas plays an integral role in this story. Cas is family. And the fact that one of the things they explicitly mentioned for why Chuck’s stories were bad and didn’t work was the lack of Cas…well I guess I’m dialled into the themes of Dabb’s Supernatural, because I too have hope.

Ok that was my second favourite season premiere that Supernatural has ever done. I can already tell that I’m going to love this season. It actually had a lot of parallels with my favourite season premiere: the glorious 4x01.

In that opening, Dean was raised up from hell by an Angel of the Lord in order to follow the grand plan laid out by god. In 15x01, we have all the souls in hell raised up by the Lord in order to destroy the world and whatever was left of His plan. We’ve come full circle.

In 4x01, we had the grand reveal of what Cas really was - an Angel of the Lord. We make jokes about how dramatic Cas was back then, what with his intensity and immense displays of power - particularly the dramatic unfurling of his wings- but the truth is, Cas was more intimidating back then. Not just because of his unfamiliarity or seemingly unmatched power level, but because back then he believed he was righteous. He was resolute in his belief in heaven, God and the grand plan, as well as his place in all of it. When he proclaimed “I’m an angel of the lord” there was a great deal of weight and authority behind the statement because Cas truly believed in what it stood for.

That’s no longer the case. Cas lost his sense of purpose a long time ago and has been searching for where he belongs ever since. He finally started to feel a little secure last season: he had a home base (I don’t think the bunker ever felt exactly like home to him but it was the next best thing), a family and a son. In Jack he found duty - after all Kelly had tasked him with the mission to take care of him - but he also found someone who relied on him and who he loved with all his heart.

And then it was all gone. He loses his son. His family seems to be slipping away from him. I mean Sam is still there for him because Sam is an absolute gent and he’s truly the greatest, but he feels like he’s losing Dean, the person he’s closest to - the one who for so long was his only real connection to any being in existence.

And then there’s the God of it all. After losing his faith in Him back when he ignored his pleas in 6x20, Cas prays to his father again. He begs for His help. And He responds. Only to behave exactly as AU Michael told Cas that he would back in 14x10. Michael told Cas exactly who God was and how he felt towards His creation. I’m sure Cas hasn’t forgotten that. 

Which brings us back to the scene in the premiere where the woman they’ve saved sees Cas healing Sam

Not “I’m an angel of the lord”.

He says it matter of factly, without any displays of grandeur.

“I’m an angel.”

For Cas, the statement no longer means what it used to.

Jeez Bobo never fails to deliver does he? He just has this knack for balancing humour, heart and plot in a cohesive and engaging way. I’ve always admired how great he is at depicting Cas’ often complex and conflicted emotional state, going all the way back to 9x06. Berens gets it.

Yes this episode was painful, but exquisitely so. What’s more; satisfyingly so. This is the episode where it becomes clearly evident we’re in the final season, because the show is not messing around anymore. All the themes that have been mentioned or touched on but still mostly relegated to the subtext - well they’re being addressed now. It can’t be postponed till later anymore, because there is no more later. 

For a long time now, Cas has been living under the weight of his mistakes, with perhaps his biggest being the choice to absorb all the souls in Purgatory and become God. It led to pain, bloodshed, crushing guilt and unspeakable levels of destruction, in heaven and on earth. I always find it particularly significant that really Cas’ was the only storyline that continued on from the Kripke/Gamble era to the Carver era. Sam and Dean essentially got new storylines and were responding to different emotional stakes moving between season 7 and 8, but Cas was still dealing with the same problems and feelings. 

Anyway, Cas has never for a second forgotten about that. And then he’s standing there while a demon in the body of his son attempts to recreate his biggest mistake. He had a choice to make and it’s clear what he was going to do. Of course he wasn’t going to let Belphegor become God. 

Cas’ feelings of isolation, of not belonging anywhere have driven so much of his story for a long time. As an Angel of the Lord, he may have been a tool, a weapon, but he had a purpose. He followed orders and carried out his duty. It’s what bonded him and Dean “daddy’s blunt little instrument’’ Winchester in the first place. Whenever he doesn’t have a cause or a purpose he feels like he’s free falling. Last season he had a place. He had Jack, someone who needed him and that helped him feel more at ease. But Jack’s death showed how tenuous that sense of belonging is for Cas, and by having his powers start to fail him, he finally voices his worst fears out loud. 

He’s not needed - so he’s not wanted. I don’t think it’s coincidental that Cas is the only one of the main characters that has never heard the words “I love you” from anyone. He’s told them all; Sam, Dean, Mary, Jack, but he’s no one has ever returned the sentiment.I think the closest he ever got was from Jack in 14x20

“I know you’re here because you love me, and I want to love you back. It’s just……I can’t.”

(In fact that’s pretty much the last thing Jack said to Cas before he died)

And damn, that may be the closest he’s ever gotten but it’s pretty far from an actual I love you and may actually hurt more than if Jack hadn’t said anything at all.

And then there’s Dean’s “I need you” in 8x17 that he may have intended as some form of a declaration of love, but that’s not what Cas heard. Cas heard “need” and that’s exactly the problem. How is Cas to know that Dean meant love and not need? How is Cas to know Dean lost all ability to think clearly when Cas allowed Lucifer to possess him. How is Cas to know that Dean resisted Amara for him? Or how angry he got at even the insinuation that Cas was an “It”: “It”? It’s not an “it,” Sam. It’s Cas(…)Cas is family”

Cas doesn’t know how lost Dean was when he died. He doesn’t know the lengths Dean went to, and he has no idea how him coming back from the dead changed everything for Dean.

It’s because these things don’t go without saying. You have to say them Dean. Dean’s angry and he’s lashing out, but for Cas none of this is happening in a vacuum. It’s all feeding into the deep seated insecurities Cas has been struggling with for years and can no longer keep buried. 

The Cas and Belphegor parallels this episode were purposefully underlined. Cas’ assertions that the Winchesters don’t care about Bel, his safety doesn’t concern them and that they’re putting up with him while he’s useful. Cas seeing that Dean can’t look him in the eye, the same way Cas can’t look the demon parading around in his son’s body in the eye…I think that hits home for him. He’s no longer useful and Dean, the person he’s closest to, the person who for so long was his only real link to any being in existence, is treating him (at least from Cas’ perspective) with the same distrust and anger that Cas is treating the “abomination”.

What’s more Dean blames Cas. The mistakes, the guilt Cas feels…that’s another of Cas’ worst fears confirmed. I think hearing “why does that something always seem to be you?” wounds him perhaps more than anything else.

So Cas leaves. He believes Dean just sees him as a hammer after all. And what use is a broken hammer?

But the difference this time? Before he leaves, he says everything he’s been trying not to say for so so long, and it is so goddamn satisfying to finally hear Cas say those things out loud. 

Your turn Dean.

Damn this season man. I mean I’ve been loving all of it, but this last stretch of episodes from 15x08 till now has been particularly epic.

I’m going to start with how satisfying it is to see Dean’s growth so far this season. Dean’s always felt that he had to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. No matter how much he talked about how it was him and Sam against the world, or how many times he told Cas they were in it together, at the end of the day he’s always felt the responsibility would always fall on him and him alone. He had to take care of everyone. 

But Dean’s growing this season. We saw that just a couple episodes ago with his confession to Cas. He acknowledges his tendency to cling to anger, almost like a life preserver, to stop himself from being overwhelmed by pain and helplessness. His reasons for using anger as a coping mechanism are complex and multi faceted, but one of the main ones was that he had to be the strong one. Everything would ultimately be his responsibility, so he could never afford to fall apart. First his father gave him the responsibility for taking care of Sam, made sure it was ingrained in him that that was his role. Then came the archangels. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that conversation between Dean and Cas in the hospital room at the end of 4x16 when Dean just falls apart because he can’t handle the new role he’s been given; the role of The Righteous Man. 

And who can forget Chuck? Back in season 11 Chuck told Dean he was instrumental to the survival of the universe, he called him “the firewall between light and darkness.” That is some kind of burden to put on any one human’s shoulders. 

You know what’s interesting about all those things Dean was told? They weren’t true - at least not the whole truth in any case. John’s orders to take care of Sam also had the hidden caveat of maybe having to kill him. The archangels dubbing him The Righteous Man…well we know how much deceit and manipulation was going on there. And Chuck placing the universe in Dean’s hands, was just another way for him to avoid the consequences of his own choices and continue playing with his favourite characters from a distance. Fortuna even says as much in this episode.

Chuck was annoyed that humans, his creations, weren’t behaving the way he wanted - they chose to worship things other than him. Then he realised he could use this to his advantage and create gods as a way to distract them and draw their attention and rage away from him. Chuck really hasn’t changed his M.O. since the dawn of time. 

Anyway to get back to Dean, that belief that it’s all on him is changing. In 15x09 we saw him trust Sam’s judgement on how best to handle Chuck. He acts similarly with Cas. The catalyst for the big “domestic dispute” to quote Jensen (though personally I’d call it a cosmic dispute - it took travelling to a different plane of existence, facing primordial beings and good old fashioned praying for them to start to listen to each other again) was Cas still wanting to help Jack after everything that went down. 

And yet now, Jack returns from the great beyond and Dean looks to Cas for the confirmation that everything is ok. He hears that Jack’s been eating Grigori hearts and that Cas let him, and he doesn’t even need an explanation from him. He trusts Cas’ judgement. No question about it.

And that’s how they’re going to win. They’re going to choose not to play Chuck’s game of infighting and drama. They’re going to trust each other and come together. How many times in the past have we heard Sam and Dean say “We don’t have friends. All our friends are dead.” We saw how bad things got in Chuck’s AU stories when they were alone. How broken Dean was about losing their friends. About losing Cas.

 It’s what Chuck wants, Sam and Dean alone, because it’s not enough to beat him. He hasn’t considered that they’re not alone. They’ve got allies, friends, family. They have hope. 

Some other random thoughts: 

Cas is back, facing yet another Grigori (the last one left maybe? I didn’t quite catch that) to save someone he considers his kid. Though honestly his role of father is a lot less complicated with Jack than it ever was with Claire. Jack and Cas have considered each other father and son from the very beginning, and whatever else went down, neither of them have ever wavered on that. Although there were glimmers of a parent/child thing with Cas and Claire, there was too much guilt, pain and history for either of them to truly be able to be that for each other. It’s why as much as I wish we’d gotten another Cas and Claire interaction, I can understand why it never happened. She did keep the Grumpy Cat he got her from the Hot Topical though!

I was going to say I love how Sam has no more fucks left to give but that’s not really true at all. He cares a lot, maybe more than ever, about the important things like saving the people, beating God, checking in with Cas and Eileen etc. But he genuinely has no more patience when it comes to Dean and his nonsense and it is glorious to see. He’s just straight up calling him out on all his bull. Last week it was about how everybody, including Dean, is well aware of how Cas looks at Dean, and that Sam knows that Dean knows it too.

He continues his sassy streak this week with this gem: 

Dean: Man, I’ve been slinging pool cues since before you were born.

Sam: What? When you were 4? Really? What, between nap time and snack?

I love him so much.